From the Heart

This is life. Right here, right now.
There is so much going on and so much I wish I could help you with, which is not to say that you need my help at all, but more to the point, this means I wish I could be helpful to you.
There are tricks I’d love to teach you and stories I’d love to tell.
Even if you heard them before, I’d still love to tell you again.

I once told you that you fit between my wrist and the inside of my elbow. You were so small. I used to hold you in one arm and that’s right where you fit — right between my wrist and the inside of my elbow.
I couldn’t believe that I was part of your creation. I looked down at you and I swore, nothing ugly could ever make anything so beautiful.

Beautiful: [ byoo-tuh-fuhl ] having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind.
This is what it says beautiful means in the dictionary. I say it differently because I say beautiful means you.

There are so many things you will do in this life.
I wish I could share them with you.
I wish there was a way I could be close to you again.
I wish I could hear about your stories.
I wish I could hear you laugh. 
I wish we could take a walk or sit by the pond once more.

You were so small once. There was so much you were about to see and so many things I didn’t know how to do.
But I wished I knew.
I wished I understood exactly how time works. Maybe then I would have understood. I would have held on longer.
I would have been fine to choose being happy instead of being right.
I wish there was a way to hit the rewind button.
And I wish there was a way to unsay words.
But there isn’t.
They call this reflection — and as I reflect, I can see where the opportunities to change direction came and passed me by. Hence, this is why they say hindsight is 20/20. This means it’s easy to see things after they happened.

All I see is that I missed so much of your life.
I never knew how to open up. I could always open up here and tell you things from the heart. This is easy for me here.
Unfortunately, here is all I have right now.
Here, I can tell you anything and everything.
I could write to you about the first time I heard you laugh. I could tell you about the times we would go for pizza. Perhaps, I should have learned to tell you this in other ways too. 

There is still so much ahead of you. There is an entire life that is waiting for you to see. And I want you to see it.
I want you to see everything your heart desires.
I want you to live the best life possible.

There will be lessons that come with life.
And many of them will be hard. Some will come easy.
One lesson above all is life only happens once.

With that being mentioned, there are some things I would like you to consider. There are some things that happen in life that come without explanation.
There is something cosmic to us all.
There is a reason for everything. We might not like the reason. We might not know what the reason is and we might not understand it, but still, there is a reason for everything.

I have lived a long time. I can say this without any uncertainty.
I plan to live for a lot longer too.
However, there is a difference between living and existing.

There are blockages that come with life.
Do your best to avoid these. Do your best to let go of anger.
Do not give into fear or allow pain to ever stop you from moving forward.
I can tell you this firsthand; anger, fear, and pain is a lonely substance that does nothing but mute the dreams of your life and the lives around you.

Anger is a weed that suffocates the blossoms of all this world has to offer. Keep in mind, resentments will come.
People will do things that you won’t like. People will say things they don’t mean or they’ll say things they do mean — either way, words can hurt worse than knives to the heart. (Trust me. I know) But try not to hold onto this.

The trick is do not interact with these thoughts too much. It’s okay to think about them but be careful not to interact with thoughts like this because otherwise, they’ll never leave.
Fear, anger, and pain are like an unwanted guest that won’t go home, and the more you interact with them, the longer they stay.

There are so many things you will see in this life.
I wish I could share this with you.
I wish I could hear about your stories.
I wish I could hear you laugh. 
But sometimes, wishes are for wishing.
I guess if nothing else, this is just an old man’s wish.

This is your life now.
I want you to have everything there is to have.
I want you to live better than me and be better than the life I left behind me.
I want you to reach your goals and achieve your dreams.
I understand where you are.
I know that sometimes, things cannot be mended.
I get that.
Sometimes things lose shape and sometimes we lose connections between people.
I get that too.

Love is love but yet, love does not always work or make sense. Love does not always say or do the right things because sometimes love comes with insecurities.
Insecurity is that thing that fogs our clarity and disturbs our perception. This is what causes us to jump to conclusions and sometimes, we react out of character because of an inaccurate worry that was never real in the first place.

You will go on to do incredible things in this world.
I know you will.
I am grateful for what I have, which may not be much, but I do have this: I have you and the memory of moments that will live with me throughout eternity. I will have to hold these tightly because I don’t want to lose anything else when it comes to you.

Live life. Don’t quit.
Look at the world and see everything there is to see.
Don’t be afraid to try.
Don’t be afraid to be first and don’t be afraid to be last either.
There is a saying that says, “Nice guys finish last.”
Well, this might be true but it took me a very long time to understand the reason is because nice guys aren’t looking to “Win.”
They’re just looking to enjoy the ride. 

One day, if the powers of whichever kind allow, I hope to see you and sit with you and listen to your stories and hear you laugh.
Someday, if ever, I guess more than anything — I just wish I could hear your voice again and hear you say, “Hi, Daddy!”

If not, then my next wish is that you live the best life possible. Draw, color, and paint the world in any shade you choose.
It’s all yours now. Every single inch of it.

I love you.

Nothing in the world will ever change this.
Not distance. Not time.
Nothing can ever change this fact.

One thought on “From the Heart

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