There is a saying about worry that goes, “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” Needless to say that put simply, yes, this is true.
Then again, there’s another saying that is equally true. “Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down, simply by being told to calm down.”
I go back to that word, “Just” and the way people simplify our difficulties when they offer their advice by saying, “Just don’t think that way.”
“Just don’t think that way,” as if it is that simple to change the years of trained ideas and biases. This is amazing to me.
“Just don’t think that way,” as if we can change our personal chemistry and the embossed memories, histories, experiences and emotional data in a simple switch because someone suggested, “Just don’t think that way”.
“Just don’t think that way” is no different from telling someone with food poisoning, “Just don’t throw up”.
Or, “Oh wait, you have cancer? That’s okay. Just don’t be sick anymore.”
Yeah, that’s it. “Just don’t die.”
Does that make sense?
No. It sure doesn’t.
Relieving our worries is not always a simple task. In fact, this is a trained task. This takes work.
It takes work to change our responses and our internal beliefs and programs. These programs run a full diagram in our hardwired thinking and responses. To change this, we will need to undergo an intense reprogramming. We have to learn to update our thinking as well as our behavior and hardwired beliefs. This is not an easy task by any means. Nevertheless, this a task that must be done.
In an effort to change, let’s first decide where changes need to be made. What are the biggest challenges we find? Secondly, where do we want to begin? Thirdly, when do we want to start and lastly and, of course most importantly, when are we going to give ourselves the permission to start our new beginning? All of this is compiled in one simple question. Where are we in our stages of personal change?
it is important to remember that procrastination is a byproduct of depression. To align this with our programming, procrastination and overthinking acts like a virus or malware to our computerized brain. This damages our system and takes over partial control of our personal database. We respond to this because we’ve been trained to respond. we run the same programs and go over the same ideas. Meanwhile, this is our virus that degrades our systems full potential.
Although change is intimidating, change is the necessary course of action. This is life. This is time passing by us and as valuable moments tick, precious opportunities can fade away and never return.
When thinking about the changes we need to make, next, we have to prioritize them. For example, when we are starving, we eat something to satisfy the hunger. When we feel the urge to relieve ourselves, we go to the bathroom. This is a priority.
Same as breathing, eating and drinking water are prioritized as a need, self-care has to fall under that same prioritization. Otherwise, we find ourselves gasping, hungry and always thirsty for something or someone to make us feel better.
It’s hard for me to tell people “Don’t worry,” because the option is not that simple. Even worse, it is hard for me to talk to people within my circle of influence if they were to say this to me.
“Just don’t worry,” just doesn’t work that way.
I never say to this to people because it is never helpful to simplify someone’s dilemma. Secondly, minimizing someone’s stressor or perceived problems are and can be extremely insulting.
One of the most absolutely idiotic suggestions that I heard when discussing anxiety was from a doctor that said, “Just remove your stressors”.
Really, is that all?
“Just remove your stressors and then you won’t be as anxious”.
Of course, this works and yes it is true that if we remove our stressors, we are less stressed. However, this is a rational answer to an irrational disorder.
Disorder: as in a lack of order, or as in a dysfunction, a malady, or personal challenge. Therefore, there is no rationality because anxiety attacks and worry are based on irrational fears and ideas that cause the fear receptors to overreact. And this my friends is why we rock in our rocking chairs because put simply, when anxiety hits, we don’t know what else to do.
There has to come a time when our personal rebuild takes the same priority as breathing air. Otherwise, the warning signs and the upcoming breakdowns are nothing more than inevitable.
This has to be a priority and nor can this lose its priority. If change is essential to growth, the last thing we can do is treat our life like an old broken-down car with the “Check engine” light on.
Ever hear about this before? You drive and you drive and you hope with all your heart that you can get just a little bit farther before that car breaks down. You go and you try not to pay attention to the warning signs and the faults in your system because the downtime for repair is both an expensive and an intimidating idea.
Instead, if we learned to carve out some time and schedule ourselves as a priority, we can find that our downtime will be shorter and our reprogramming will be easier to resolve. If not, our entire system will crash and only prove to make the recovery process to be more excruciating than it has to be.
Life changes the day we choose to change it and take action. Keep in mind, there are different phases of change.
Stages of Change
- Relapse or Termination
Ask yourself this, in the stages of change where do you see yourself?. Or better yet, where do you want to be? Or wait, even better, where do you want to be right now and what do you have to do to make it so?
We can do one of two things, we can run our old programs, which will do nothing but give us more of the same. Or, we can update our thinking, change our programs and remove the malware of subconscious bias and be rid of the viruses that come with procrastination.
Make change a priority and then we learn how to make change happen.
So, therefore, in answer to the question, “When is it your turn to have the life you want to have?”
The answer is as soon as you choose prioritize the needs to make it so.