Just wondering . . .
How old were you when you realized how important it is to enjoy your life?
It’s a simple question really. So, when was it?
When was it that you came to the understanding that your happiness is important? Or even better, has this happened yet?
Has it happened that you realized how often we fight about wasteful ideas? Or, should I ask when was it that your eyes opened up long enough to see your reality, to know that this is life and since this is life or whether we understand this or not, at what point have you come to know that this is you? This is your life.
When was it?
Or wait, has this happened yet?
At what point did you look around at your surroundings or at the people in your life and at that point, when did you notice your position in this life? Maybe I should explain myself better . . .
Did you ever look around and wonder if where you are is where you want to be?
I ask this because there’s a great big world out there.
It’s everywhere. Can you see it?
There is so much about to happen to which, in fairness, the whole world is truly astounding.
It’s only life that’s fleeting.
I can tell you that most of my adult life was trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
And hey world, this is me now.
Most of my adult life was spent trying to figure out silly things like what to wear. I laugh about this because there were times when I had to dress for an occasion and in my head, I would set up an outfit and then put it on – only to look in the mirror, not like it, and then I went through a series of what seemed like a hundred different outfits only to go back to the first choice.
By the way, I am using this as an analogy.
I use this analogy to characterize the need to fit or belong and the need to be appreciated, to be wanted and desired, and to be admired as well. I use this as an analogy to help define some of my needs – to want to look good, feel good and be free from the imposter-like ideas or the otherwise anxious disorders that no one else can see (but me).
I use this analogy to describe the antics which go on in the mind and define the inaccuracies of self which are the mental or emotional characteristic that mute our truest beauty with a distorted version of self. I say this because this is me, which is you too, or which is us. And I mean all of us.
I think about the stranglehold of our ideas or the steady stream of thinking that places us in a holding pattern. I think about the allocation of thinking errors that we pile and deposit in our subsystem, also known as our subconscious programming, saved in our headspace and keep us hostage.
I tell you that I have seen beautiful things. I have met beautiful people and what baffles me about this is that none of them ever knew how truly incredible they are – and that to me, how simple they could be and how true to themselves they were. But me, I recall watching them be themselves without seeming to hesitate with overthinking or overcomplicating themselves.
I admire this.
In fact, I admire anyone who is brave enough to be themselves and not worry about the imposter within.
I have always been blown away by the simple pride of ownership; as if to meet someone who says “this is me” or “this is my life” and to see them smiling, comfortable with who they are.
This what it means to be happy.
This has nothing to do with the uncomfortable moments or times when it rains or the constant delays in life, like when Metro North cancels trains in grand Central Station. This is always going to happen.
Setbacks are always going to happen; yet, happiness, can this always happen?
Maybe not. But this doesn’t mean we have to be miserable about it.
I think about the simplification that removes the mental hard drives of overthinking – or, since we’ve gone to the technical aspect of hard drives and programming (or in our case programmable thinking), I think that our mind is like the software we use and the threat of viruses and malware are always real and always available.
Maybe we need a firewall, huh?
Maybe we need more virus protection?
Or, maybe we need to simplify our programs and update our personal hard drives because there’s a saying which is true – enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.
I have spent much of my life, worried and wondering; curious about the impending doom, and afraid of the rejective fears which coincide with old lessons of forced humility.
I think of little kids who play and smile; or who have yet to learn about the worries of the crowd.
I think about the strength it takes to open up, proudly with faults and all, and say hey, this is me!
I only mention this because I can think of countless stories from where a child was hidden away, scared or hurt, somehow believing that the tensions of others were somehow “their” fault.
And that, my friend, is a line of serious bullshit.
I think of the lies this creates and then fast forward; I think about the rules we have applied for ourselves in a sense; just so that none of what happened to us before will ever happen again.
Yet, life happens to everyone. Again and again.
I think about the painfulness of harsh judgment or the insanity that follows our moments of overthinking.
I think about the wastefulness of overanalyzing and overcomplicating the simple, important moments of our life.
And hey . . .
It’s simple to say to cut it out.
It’s easy to tell someone to change their thinking.
But there’s more to it than this.
We have to revamp our thinking.
We have to update our hard drive and protection.
We have to organize and prioritize our absolute truths and then, we have to wipe the slate clean.
Otherwise, we go back to old ways of thinking.
Kevin Arnold wrote the following quote:
Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose . . .
I love this quote.
However, like you and like the rest of the world, my hard drive is in need of an update. I have to remember to protect myself from infectious malware and the common social viruses because whether I am late to the party or right on time, I know this moment is more precious than we think.
I wish I could go back to a certain time.
But I can’t.
So, well . . .
I got my haircut yesterday.
I got myself trimmed up, neat and proper.
I have today in front of me.
And for now, I have this moment with you which is something I call getting it done before the sun.
I don’t think I can ask for anything else.
Except for maybe a pretty sunrise but hey, some things are beyond our control.
Know what I mean?