The way we interact is really interesting to me. There is me and then you. There is the world we see and the world we hear about. Then of course, there is the world that we’ve never heard about. There are people we never knew existed. There are people, normal and everyday people, that walk up and down places, like say anywhere in America or anyplace else in the world, and they have a life too.
There are so many differences between us, or at least, so it seems. I certainly never assumed my journey would evolve the way it has. Then again, I suppose this is what happens when we choose not to give up.
I would have to say the hardest calls are the ones from young kids, too deep into the life, too young, and too determined in their own ways to listen to anyone else. The hardest part about dealing with young kids is they think they know it all, which I get, because I was a kid once too.
There is a disconnect between adult and adolescent, which divides us in conversations that need to be bridged. Otherwise, the division between us will grow worse.
Like anything, the beginning was a learning experience for me. Perhaps a mentor would have helped. Or at minimum, maybe I should have listened to the suggestions. Then again, there is a saying that comes to mind, which I learned during the introduction to my early 12-step days. The saying goes, “Ever reminding us to place principles over personalities.” And that’s just it. Personalities can be a bitch.
Nothing in life teaches like experience. All the studying and practicing, all the role playing and understanding all the theories of a job mean nothing when it comes to practical experience.
When life calls, most of our theories go out the window.
And now what?
Life is here and the time is now.
This is us in the trenches, which only leads to one question.
What are you going to do about it?
There was a thought of mine that I published on a public page. The subject was on the up and coming drug epidemic, which for some reason, people actually believed this was new. I was challenged however by a person that lived much deeper in this life than me.
Keep in mind; I was cleaned up for a long time at this point. I certainly had my share of opinions, which were not accurate or inaccurate.
They were educated ideas because as someone that understood the term co-occurring disorders and as someone that lived with depression as well as dependency disorder, I chose to educate myself on this thing called mental illness and the disease of addiction and alcoholism.
I see empty playgrounds and think about the way things used to be. I see empty swing sets and slides and think about little kids, running around, and screaming like this was their job to have fun. I see this and think about the way things are supposed to be for kids. I think about the summertime when the streetlamps came on and it was time to go home.This was us once. Remember?
I ever tell you about what happened around April 1st, back in 1991?
Turns out I slipped up and made a mistake. This happens to a lot of us,
You say things to yourself like, “Nobody has to know.”
You try and play it off too. You tell yourself, “It was just that one time.”
“Who has to know?”
You repeat this over and again, like mantra, to make it real. You do this so that maybe you’ll believe it too. This way, you don’t live a lie.
But deep down, you really know.
Or, maybe this was me being hopeful that I could erase the entire events of an evening before. Perhaps, I thought I could create the lie and make it true. Meanwhile, I knew what I did. I knew where I was too. There was no denying what happened. None, whatsoever.