this is for you

 

We were talking about the yesterdays,
you and me . . .

But understand something,
the wreckage of your past
will eventually  fade
and the memories of who you were
will eventually become distant
and lose its sting.

Understand that over time,
days come between now and then.
Your 30 days will turn into 90.
90 days will turn into 6 months
and sooner than you know
6 months will become one year.

That’s when you will look back
at who you were
and you will be amazed
at how for you’ve come.

Like you,
I never thought about having long periods of sobriety.
At least, not in the beginning.
I certainly never thought I would go decades
without having a drink or a drug.

In the beginning,
I wondered things like, “What do I do now?”  
or, “How do I co-exist in the crowd
without having anything to co-exist with?”

I wondered, “How do people live like this
for the rest of their life?”
and more to the point,
I wondered, “How am I going to live like this
for the rest of my life?”

See, the concept of tomorrow was too much to consider . . .
I guess that’s why they told me,
“Just worry about today.”

Like you,
I never thought I would outrun the legs of my yesterday.
I never believed the old whispers would fade,
or the urges would leave me alone.
I never thought the rumor factories
would lose their volume enough 
that I could distance myself from my sins
and become someone different . . .
but I did.

My memories of who I was and where I’ve been
are still very clear to me.
But I prefer it that way
This way, I never forget where I came from.
This way, I understand what it took to get where I am now.
This way, I understand my accomplishments
and keep them valuable.

Understand?

You asked if I miss it
I don’t . . .
at least, not anymore

You asked if I still have urges
and I do
but I consider this to be normal.

I mean,
who doesn’t want to do something that makes them feel better
 . . . . even if it makes them feel worse in the end

As for who I used to be:
The worst thing  anyone could ever say about me is,
“He used to.”
And I did, “Used to.”
But I don’t anymore

So don’t worry about yesterday
Just stay sober today
and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Believe me.