Maybe it’s a good time to end this here.
Maybe the intentions of our lives are not something that will always match our best wishes which, again, there’s a saying for this which goes, “That’s life.”
Isn’t it?

I began this journal with the same intention that I begin all of my journals. First, I use this place as an escape. I start my day this way to help me start the process of what we call daily life.
At the beginning of my journal, I am sitting in the dark, in front of a white screen that offers a slightly bluish light to the room. This is my loft.
I use this empty white screen as a canvas. I type my thoughts down which, I can tell you this much, has brought me far beyond where I used to be with paper and a pen.

I know that change is a part of life. I know it. You know it.
The people who look to hide from this or avoid it, they know it too.
Everything changes. Our bodies change. Our opinions change. Our intentions change and as we grow older, our options change too.
Technology changes by the way and the moment you find that you understand a program or that you get used to a certain process, technology changes again. Once more, you have to train yourself to jump through another hoop and learn a whole new trick.

Safe to say that I have lost. Safe to say that I have given myself to battles that were unworthy of my time. And yet, safe to say that I entangled myself in the unsuccessful battles of emotional warfare.
Come to think of it . . .
I used to say that I never pay attention when an enemy growls. That’s what they do. It’s when they smile at you; that’s when you might want to pay attention. I say this because if they’re smiling at you, then you might know that something’s coming your way.
I can see this as a matter of hindsight, which is always 20/20.
I can see an example of this before a meeting took place where I recognized a dilemma. I could see that this was sabotaged by someone. Rather than accept the field of play, I leaned inwards and fought back – but was it worth it?
The answer is no.

Sometimes the mind gets too full. What I mean is there’s too much on your plate at one time.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that life is always happening. We have grown folks business and people who mistake our kindness for weakness. So yeah,
rest assured, life can be a crazy place to be and the question becomes how do we keep our head in the game when it seems like the rest of the world is playing offside or against us?

What I’m trying to say is you need something to break the pressure. For me, well, this is it.
This is my pressure relief valve. This is where I can come and let everything go.
Right here (with you) but then again, I’m sure that you already knew that.
Or should I say that I hope you already know.

If I asked you a question, would you answer me?
For example, if I asked you something like, say, if you could go back and say anything to anyone from your past, who would it be and what would you say?
If you could go back to a person from your old life or from what might seem like a previous life; who would you pick first and what would you tell them?

It is true that we are who we are and that we are products of our background and environment. It is true to say that much of our hang-ups are linked back to early memories and carry on as a remnant from our childhood.
I often discuss this because this is where my roots begin. This is also where I had to begin the process of unearthing my old truths so that I can unlearn and re-teach myself, as well as replant the new version of who I choose to become. 

In my case, I came to my stages of awareness at different moments in time. This was my journey, which might be relatable, or I might be more alone than I think. However, if we relate to the core of the story instead of the outcomes and instances, my belief is that everyone has their thoughts which are in need of reconstructive surgery.

I admit it. I am not a fan of bullies. Then again, who is?
I’m not a fan of anyone or anything that looks to punish or humiliate people just to keep them down or to keep them meek.
I see these people. I see them all the time.
I see them and their insecurities. Let’s face it, we all know this is true. No one bullies people because they are comfortable with themselves or because they’re well-adjusted. 

This entry does not belong to me so much as this belongs to the artists of the world and the musicians who have changed the way we see life. I can say this now as a disclaimer in order not to plagiarize any of someone else’s work. But more, I would like to offer this as a humble gesture to put aside all the common rumbles and nonsense dramas in our life.
This is not about me so much as it is about all of us. This is about the creators of music and the process we go through when listening to a great song that makes us think or feel.

There comes a time when you wake up enough to realize that everyone is human, including our parents and teachers. This also includes authority figures from our youth. This includes everyone who told us or taught us something in our lives. This also suggests that not every lesson we’ve learned was accurate or correct.
At the same time, we can go years without ever coming to the realization that not everything we’ve been taught is true.
We have to see this. We have to come to an awakening where we break the molds of our past so that we can be free from its mistakes. Hence, this is why I say to get out from behind yourself.

It is a quiet morning here in purgatory. . .
The streets are empty and the sun is beginning to do its trick. I am unclear whether the sky will be blue or somewhat gray because the clouds have not seemed to let go, at least not yet.
There have been so many changes that are both mounting and oncoming and there are so many times that we try to look away or turn a blind eye. Either way, the one thing we know is that denial does not stop devastation.
Not at all.