I called this journal, If That Were True because thoughts are not always true. And neither are assumptions. Fears are not always so and opinions are not always fact. But to us . . .
We are what we think we are.
Right?

If I think that I am terrible, then it must be true.
If I think that I am a waste or a loser or an imposter and that any moment now, the curtain will be pulled and all will be revealed, then at best, I will always be on the look out or be prepared for an expected or an upcoming humiliation.
But what if none of this is true?
What if this is only a thought?

If we notice, everything comes down to us. There really is nothing else, at least not according to us.
There are other people in the world. There are other places too, such as places around the world with other people who speak other languages.
We all know this.
We all know that there is a great big world out there. At the same time, we are only limited to our own view.
We see what we see. We learn what we learn and we interpret information in our own special way.

If the opposite of peace is chaos, then at some point, we have to come to an end. At some point, we can only fall so far until we hit the bottom. And we can’t fall forever.
We can’t live in constant crisis mode. Eventually, something has to give.

If everything washes out in the end or if it is true that pride comes before the fall, then at some point, whether it will be the cancel culture or the gossip mills and rumor factories, or whether our demise is our own doing, eventually, there will be nowhere left to fall.

At what point is it enough? When is it your turn?
These are great questions to ask. In fact, I ask this about us all the time.
When is it our turn?
See, I want to dance. I want to have the times of our life.
I want to be the reason why people look with envy.
Sure, I do.

I was involved with a talk about how we think or why we feel the way I do. And then it came down to the parents.
As if to ask, “where were they” or “why didn’t they talk to me about any of this.” and I have news about this. We all have our own programs running in the background.
No one can see through my eyes and no one can see through yours.
We have all been led by our own perception. We have all been prey to our own misperceptions as well.
Plus, there is a projection, or in the case of our parents who overlooked our life from the beginning and the early ears, perhaps they were lost too or maybe they lost to their own misperceptions as well.

There is another simple question that comes into play.
What do you like?
I ask this because this is a great way to find peace.
You have to know what you like. And you have to know what you want.
For example –

I am someone who needs to have a purpose. I need to have something to do.
I need to have a reason to wake up in the morning. I have to have someplace to go because this is what moves me.
This is what motivates me – each day, and yes, one day at a time.

Now is a good time to start . . .
In fact, now is the perfect time. It’s a great time to remove the blockages that keep us from moving forward.
This is it, right here,
This is a great time to stand up and be counted. It’s a great time to make a move, to do something, anything, even if it’s wrong or uncomfortable – now is the best time to make a move.
Right now. I say this because if we think about it, we have been still for way too long.

I have been coming here for years now. And yes, I have opened up more than once. I have revealed things that no one else reveals or talks about. Is this brave?
Maybe it is . . .
But to me, there’s no one around (but us).

So, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to uncover something and leave this here (for you).
My hope is that you find this and keep this in a safe spot. I hope that this finds you too and places a warmth in your heart which has otherwise been either abandoned or misled.

I assume that everything we think or feel or whatever it is our mental state is can be called a state of mind.
So, if this is true, then it would also be true that peace is a state of mind. And so is joy. So is anger or rage or sadness. So is happiness. So is love and so are the things that either soothe or confuse the soul.
It’s all a state of mind.
I believe this too.

I remember reading the words, “Freedom isn’t free!”
I can remember reading this in the post 9/11 days after the terrorist attacks on my City.
I can remember a movie too, from back when I was young – there was a slave who chanted pull to his people because they were pulling a rope to cover a moat around the castle walls to defend their own people and prepare for an upcoming attack.
I remember hearing, Pull for your life.
Pull!
Pull for your freedom!

In the case of I against I or me against me, and in the case of my life and my world or the skin I want and the skin I’m in, I have found some truths to be, as they say, self-evident. I see this now as obvious as ever. In the case of peace against chaos and crisis against tranquility, I have noted down the following.

There is no reason to find fault or to assign blame to anyone or any particular thing, at least not anymore.
This is us which means that acceptance has to start here. We have to own our spot and position.
This is where we are and yes, like we have been talking about in the last few entries, there’s been the discussion about “the skin I want” and the often-apparent difference that notes the skin we’re in.
We started to approach the difference between the two:
The skin I want.
The skin I’m in.
The life we want.
The life we live.

I suppose I have to credit this entry to a song by a man named Dobie Gray.
And in a minute, the world could strike a chord and the music could change speed.
So be ready to dance. That’s what I say.
I think there are a few details which should be included in our life. We have to eat a little and talk a little. We have to dance as much as we can and we need to sing as often as possible.
We need to find our way out of this craziness and to drift away, like Dobie says.

Just for the record –
We do have an impact on the world around us.
Life changes and so do we.
I have been saying this for a long time now.
I am not the person I used to be. Then again, none of us are, at least not really.
I am not the same person I used to be nor am I anywhere close to the teenage version of myself. And yes, without any question, I am not the 20-year-old version nor am I anything like that 30 or 40-year-old version either. Even now, I am not the same as I was at this time last year. I am physically different. I am emotionally different and spiritually different as well.

I believe that in life, even our dreams may die. Unless we feed them.
Unless we care for them. Yes, our dreams are very much alive.
I believe in work. And further, I believe it was in the Book of James when it was said, faith without works is dead.
What is faith without the works behind it?
I agree. What does faith mean without any depth behind it?
What is it to believe in something without any motivation to make our beliefs come to light?

Snow is falling in New York City. The world looks different to me this way. Soft and slow. Peaceful. And I like it like this.
Soft and slow. Peaceful too. And that’s exactly what this is about.
Peace.

I think it is important to be honest. In fact, I say this with all sincerity that we need to come to a constructive conclusion at the end of each day, which means we have to acknowledge our faults and flaws as well as our victories and successes.
As I see it –
We are closer now than ever before. And we have to believe this is true because at this point, we are beyond the halfway mark, at least I think so.
Then again, I suppose this is all relative. Perhaps this all according to our perspective which means this could be the beginning for you and I.
Who am I to take that away?
And I like that too –
I really do.

My last entry mentioned the difference between the skin I want and the skin I’m in, which is not to say that there is a discrepancy between the two. No.
I can say that like most people, I am an eventual and inevitable. I am a work in progress, much like the rest of us are.
I am improving on a daily basis. While I find myself in the face of a new beginning and overcoming new obstacles, I am still here and still making my rounds and waking up, each day, one morning at a time.
I can say that I’m growing. We all are.
But . . .

It would seem there are times when people are split in two halves.
This is a mix or should I say this is life when split in two parts.
Say for example, the skin I want. The skin I’m in.
Or otherwise, the life I want. The life I live.
The life I have. The life I need.
This is a split.
People are torn between the life they have and the life they hope for.
I do not envy the ones who stay caught in the middle.

Life has its moments. This is for sure.
We all know what stress feels like, We all know what it’s like to have anxiety or to have that moment when something happens, quick, hurry! And we almost crash or fall or there’s almost an accident and our body is at a heightened state of alert.
We can’t live this way. We can’t run at full speed all the time. Whether we like it or not, we have to find a way to pump the brakes. Otherwise, the risk of a personal burnout is severe.

Safe to say that yes. I am a lucky man. It’s also safe to say that I am a blessed man. I’m fortunate to be where I am today. At the same time, I think it is safe to say that luck is often a self-made thing.
Of course, there are people who were born into a more fortunate gene pool whose genetics are more pronounced for a better or more beautiful physique.
Let’s not forget those who were born into financial comfort or the kids who come from the billionaire’s gene pool.

Once more, I begin this with a question.
And this is not a new question. At least I should say this question is not a new question to me. At the same time, I ask this nonetheless.
Is it possible to find peace in a state of unrest?
Is it possible to find clarity in moments of personal blindness?
In the same regard, is it possible to find peace within oneself when there is no peace nor anything around us that resembles the sort?

Do you have fear?
I do.
I know all about fear.
And this is as honest as it gets. I am afraid to be revealed or exposed.
I have fears of being humiliated. I have a huge fear of being alone, unloved or unwanted.
These are real fears to me. 

I have come back to the reason why I started writing in the first place.
This was to find peace. I wanted to know if peace was real and I also wanted to know If happiness was real. Is life real? Is love?
Is it?

It is important to say this.
We have to find a way to make it through . . .
I offer this because not everyone is having the time of their life right now.
I say this, too, because there will be bouts and times and moments with no peace.
No justice or warmth for the hands.

It is safe to say that while we find ourselves amidst the worst of times, it is too hard to see the skyline or find the heavens or, at minimum, there are times in life when it’s hard enough to breathe let alone take a minute to walk away or just regroup.
But we have to.

I know there is always a sense of peace. I know there is.
I know this because I have found this, even in the worst of places.
Even when times are wild or when chaos is everywhere, I know that there’s always something out there.
There’s always someplace to look or somewhere to find peace. Even if this is only in our minds, the truth is peace is still out there.
I know that there is something out there, more beautiful than my words can describe and more lifesaving than crash cart or an ambulance. I know there are rescues for the soul – everywhere.

What are the things that bring you peace?
Is it the sunset? Is it the sunrise?
Is it an old movie that comes on television and brings you back to a memory of when you were younger? Or is it something else that brings you back to a time when life was less complicated?

Of course there are things that we wish would never change. There are times and moments that we wish we could relive or rewind, just so we could see them again, exactly as they were. Perfect, just like the first time.
The lights would be equally bright. The moment could be magnified and as for myself, well, I could slip back into a moment of excess. I could peel back the moment to a place where life was kind and the moment was sweet.
It would be that simple.
Of course, if it were up to me, our dreams would never die.