What’s Your State Of Change?

There is a saying about worry that goes, “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” Needless to say that put simply, yes, this is true.
Then again, there’s another saying that is equally true. “Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down, simply by being told to calm down.”
I go back to that word, “Just”  and the way people simplify our difficulties when they offer their advice by saying, “Just don’t think that way.” 

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Out With The Old

The question comes down to this, “What now?”
Life changes in front of our eyes. There are problems and breakups, splits, and tough decisions. There is always something around that opens our eyes to the need for change or improvement. But once we are aware, the question is this: What am I supposed to do now?
Simple answers are complicated. Nothing makes sense. We have an uphill climb and work to do. This is why people have spent lifetimes with blinders on. They’ve kept themselves this way because of one intimidating question.  What now?

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Accepting Nominations

Accepting nominations and compliments is difficult for me. Needless to say, I do not do awards or nominations because, well, put simply, awards distract me. Plus, I never saw myself as this kind of writer.
The longer I am on this path, which I call my art, the more I learn about the person I want to be and the writer I want to become. Humbly, I see myself as this; I am proud to be as I am, which is self-taught. I am proud that I made a commitment to write and stuck with it. The commitment to write is something that I take very seriously. My growth as a writer and my ability to continue, regardless of the readers or the critics, is very important to me.

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More from Abstract: Brain Spillage

I go down the old streets sometimes, in memory of course, or in dreams, or in pictured flashbacks of times when time was less crucial.
Life was much simpler then. Me, you, us, the world as it was and how it’s changed.
I go through the different locations that were if anything; safe to say these were the birthplaces of my life because to me, it is accurate to say that yes, we are born more than once.

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Stream Of Consciousness: Abstract On, Contact Enabled.

As I see it, we all have our ways of doing things. And me, I write.
I write my thoughts to keep them from gravity. I write to replace thoughts with action and to stop the momentum of my ideas that tend to grow legs and run off into crazy directions. Hence, the anxiety, which is why I write to remove the shame or stigma of being nothing else but normal
(if there is such a thing).

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From The Farm: A Thanksgiving Thought

I am thinking now of how it was, a long, long time ago in a different life, a different place and we were young of course. I am thinking about the mountains that were new to me. I am thinking about the farm and the way of life, the early mornings and the barn crews, the cleaning crews, kitchen details and the grogginess, which was me at this time. I was still foggy and still stuck in a strange pattern of thinking.
Nothing made sense to me. Not my life or my charges, the courts or the conditions of my sentence. I was living in a totally different world and almost speaking in a different language. Everything was painfully foreign to me. My choices were unattractive at best. The only other option to the farm was jail for one year, plus 90 days. 

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A Note From A Coach

There are undeniable truths about our life, which we often deny or try to overlook. In fairness, however, truth is always truth. Thoughts are only thoughts. Feelings are only feelings and fears are only fears.
Long ago, it was said to me that perception is not truth. Perception is only true to the one that perceives it is true. To which I say the truth is if someone believes an idea of thought, wholeheartedly and repeatedly, then this becomes their truth.

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No Tension: Just to Write

One of my favorite traditions on Thanksgiving is going around the table and listening to everyone give thanks for what they are grateful for this year.
I loved this part of my family’s tradition. Unfortunately, the years have gone by since then. People moved away and more accurately, people have passed away. The times have changed and this year has changed the face of society. However, it is right that we give thanks. It is right that we look for the details behind our gratitude. So, please, if you will allow me the moment of sappiness, then I will begin.

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The Word For Today Is: Pacifier

As a kid, the most common answer to the question “Why?” was a simple “I don’t know.”
I would always say the same thing.
Why’d you do it?
“I don’t know.”
I would look away with a lost expression on my face. I remember the time I threw a rock that unintentionally hit a car window. I was about seven or maybe eight at the time. I ran away but someone told on me. And sure as hell, I was asked “Why’d you do that?” to which I replied, “I don’t know.”

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The Word of the Day is: Imagineer

Jesus, I say. Where did the time go?
There was a little sleepaway camp somewhere up in the mountains of a little upstate town with a lake and docks and a little beach area with screaming kids, running around and lo and behold, I was one of them.
There are pictures of this somewhere. There are pictures of me, little and small, innocent and pure.

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With All Things Being Equal

There is one thing that is and will always be. And that’s life. There is and will always be life around us. There will always be something. There will be reasons why we weep and reasons to rejoice.

There will be incidents and accidents, tragedies and moments so amazing that they only come once in a lifetime. There are however, the daily stressors. There are the hidden tasks which no one else sees or knows about.

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Letters From a Son: The Old Man

I see him now, older of course, and gray-haired but not weak. No, I see him now as knowingly different and aged by experience but not robbed by this in any way. No, not at all.

I imagine him the way he might have looked if he were around today. I imagine the things he might have said if we were together or fishing from the side of an Upstate pond.

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How Does Your Garden Grow

Something we never pay attention to is it costs absolutely nothing to have a dream. There are no dues or hidden fees. There is no need to cancel anything if the dream changes.
In fact, the only price is the effort to make our dreams come true. And we all dream. We all have a scenario. We have hopes and visions.
We all have this place in our mind that imagines. There is a place in our heart and in our soul. This is the birthplace where a succession of ideas take on a sculpted creation. This results in the emotional creation of what this dream would be. The satisfaction is the fruits of our labor.

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My Lesson About Hatred

The most important lesson I learned is that much of what I was taught was inaccurate and wrong. Then again, it’s not so much the lesson but the teachers that steered me in the wrong direction. So, before any eye-rolling begins, there is a reason behind this post. This is half rant, half spew, and partly the need to get a thought off my chest because I see people talk about hate and violence and I wonder about their angle. I wonder about the lessons they’ve been taught or if they really know what hate or violence means.

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The Effects of Self-Talk

The truth is we have to be careful who we listen to. For example, as kids we learned never talk to strangers. We have been told to be careful when listening to the media. We are told not to listen to people that put us down or say negative things. But what about the voice in our head? What about the internal narrative and the self-talk that creates too many concerns or causes us to overthink too much?

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The Upcoming Holidays

I suppose the saying is when life gives you lemons, you learn to make lemonade. In which case, I think it is suffice to say the year 2020 has been lemons galore.

There have been shutdowns and losses as a result of the pandemic. There have been bankruptcies and closings. We are distant now and growing even more distant than before. It is strange to me however, as the holidays approach. It is strange how the connections change and the faces we’ve grown accustomed to are only virtual now.

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Life Volume 1: The Family Tree

There is this tree that we call our family. Each limb holds a position. Each branch divides and splits in their own subdivision.

There are mothers, brothers, cousins, uncles, fathers and aunts and there are the extended families, which are not related by blood, but more than blood is the mutual connection that is stronger than blood itself.
This tree represents the names and the faces and the position, in which they hold as a family member. Their designation is by title alone. However, as we all know, our titles have meanings. 

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Taken From In The Classroom: The Words We Use

There are words we use, which we often use without thinking because to us the words are commonplace. And to us, they’re just words. But words have meaning. Words mean more than what they say. Words tell a story. Words paint a picture and both define and describe a person, place or thing. 
I never thought much about the words I used because to me, the words I was taught were words I was taught. I never saw how they could be offensive to someone else. Plus, we literally live in a world where everyone is offended by something, somewhere.

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My Secret of Tenacity

And here it is, sunrise, Sunday morning, and the leaves have all fallen from the trees surrounding my home. The mountains behind my property take on the hues of sunrise and the empty tree limbs hold the varying shades of red and orange. I say this is beautiful. I say this is more than beautiful. In fact, I say this is breathtaking and something I choose to call my daily dose.

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Letters From a Son: Dear Mom 11/6/20

There is a song I listen to sometimes. I watch a video that comes with it, which is not the artist’s video but still, the video fits the feeling. This is not a music video at all. Instead, this is someone that put their home video to the song by Jerry Garcia, which is absolutely perfect.

I use this combination of music and video to detach for a while. I let the music set in so I can unwind. I watch the old video because it reminds me of a time, like when we were young and the world was more of a technicolor place to me. the 70’s were the times. The Old Man had sideburns and people wore shirts with wide collars. We were approaching the 80’s and me, I was this little hopeful kid, just trying to find my way.

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From The Boys: More Than Nostalgia

There are special rules that will always apply to us. And to me, there will always be us and the way things used to be. We will always have this connection that runs a bit deeper than other people from our past. Yet, even them, they were a part of us too. And the town, the names, the stores, the parks and the memories, quiet as kept and just between us, are the threads that weave my memories together.
We will always be what we were, what we used to be, and what we are now. It was years ago, of course, which is more like decades now or maybe even lifetimes, but still, the same rules apply. The same truths and the same facts remain which is this: You never forget the kids from the neighborhood. You never forget who you grew up with.

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Just to Clear the Air

The Day after election day November 4, 2020.
There is no rule that says we have to agree. There is no law which states you have to like what I say or that I have to like what you say.  There is also no law that says we have to be enemies if we see things differently. 
Enter our current situation and we find ourselves arguing on social media. We find ourselves getting involved in online arguments about politics. Enter our current status and here we are, waiting to see an election come to an end. And the truth is, I’m tired.

This is me just thinking out loud. Or, better yet, this is me writing out loud. Read if you choose, if not, I will understand.

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I do not believe personal success should ever depend on anyone else. Partnerships will happen and some partnerships will split. Along the way, we will grow and learn. We will gain experience and understand how to adjust our sights to build a better future.

Along the way, ethics and character will show enough evidence to see who to incorporate your time with, who you should invest your friendship with, who to trust, and who to confidently share your life with. However, personal improvement and personal success depends on our personal self.

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Choose To Live

Welcome to life.
There are so many different things to do and places to see. Although times will say differently and there will be moments like now and tough times will come, still, this is life.
Life is the smell of autumn, which is just outside the front door. Life is the smell of a good meal or moments so unforgettable that everything else becomes unobjectionable.

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Time To Live!

My apologies for this in advance. I say this because the subject below might include some sensitive material. But hey, this is why I come here.

There is one undefined and undiscussed truth about the life and the way that life happens to us. There are three parts of our life, which regardless of our lifespan are absolutely true.
There is a beginning. There is a middle and there is an end. In between that start and finish is the substance of our life.

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The Working Man’s Grind

Back on the farm were early mornings and early risings and out of bed at the count of 20. The beds themselves were nowhere near comfortable nor was it comfortable to sleep in a bunkhouse and accept the habits of other young men.

I suppose the biggest insult was not the squeaking from the bunks when someone rolled or moved around in the night. No, the worst was when the alarm went off. This is when a young man known as the dorm manager would run over to the light switch. He would count out loud in the darkness of the bunkhouse until reaching the number 20. Meanwhile, the lights came on, flickering brightly before the fluorescent bulbs reached full strength.

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Rain on Friday Morning

Here’s to a moment of honest introspection. Here’s to an honest inventory because at some point, and I’m not sure when or if this happens the same way for everyone else, but at one point, there comes a time when a decision is made. There comes a point where the realization of how things are and how we want them to be are incredibly different.

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Learning To Relearn

There is one thing I know that I’ve always known, which is the one thing we want is happiness. The one goal we have in this world is to be happy. We spend hours and days, weeks and months, and even years to find happiness. And even if we don’t, either way, we work on this behalf in one way or another. Either we work to be happy or we worry that we won’t ever be. 

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Between Good and Evil

Over the years, I can say that I have watched good people give themselves away to bad things. I’ve watched people move like moths to a flame and witnessed as they lost to life the same way water loses to a drain. I have seen people with good intentions end up on the street and become something opposite of who they truly are.

On the other hand, I’ve watched as others point and judge and act like a jury to a life they have no understanding for. Then again, I suppose we are all guilty of this, —playing judge and jury, that is.

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From Choices: Brief Prose

Somewhere, deep inside of us is this voice
which may sound like a whisper sometimes.
But still, there is a voice within us all.
There is something deep down
and it is as pure as youth itself.

In fact this is so real and so raw
that its presence is sharp like a razor
And it cuts deeply sometimes.
It works this way
because this is the voice that knows better.

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It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

We often hold ourselves to unrealistic standards. And I’m not sure why.. The truth is no one is perfect and mistakes are common, but still, so many of us become our own worst critic. We can be our own worst enemy.
I suppose this is why there is comfort in the simple idea which says “it’s okay not to be okay.”
At least for the moment, the idea “It’s okay to not be okay” alleviates the pressure we put upon ourselves. This allows us the permission to stall the irrational ideas we have and unplug from the thoughts that punish us the most.

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From The Boys: Nostalgia – 10/22/20

Nothing is really the same anymore. The old town is still the old town and the exit off the parkway still takes me down the same road. A lot of the neighborhood has changed though. Different landmarks have had a facelift and some are just gone. Some of the stores have closed. New ones have opened. The streets are the same but most of everyone I knew has either grown older or moved away. Some of us lost touch and some have grown so distant that we would be unrecognizable to each other now. 

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Understanding Your Own Trauma

Just so everyone is clear, the comparison between our lives is really no comparison at all. My life is my life and your life is yours. We all have our own history. We come from different ends of the universe or maybe we live on the same side, but still, the one thing we can never see is what life looks like from behind another person’s eyes.

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Life Volume 1: Time To Go To Work

First thing to do is breathe because here it is now, Tuesday morning, and the sun has yet to show itself. I’m up now. Sleep and me have not always seen eye to eye but life says “Ready or not, here I come.”
So here it comes.
I have a cup of coffee beside me. I have you and me and my trusted keyboard, which I type on with purpose. My fingers punch the keys with dedication.

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The Victory of Walking Away

Let the record reflect that there will always be someone with something to say. There will always be someone out there, looking for the angle or looking for the cracks in your story. And people do this as if this is their job. They do this so they can discredit what they see and feel better about themselves. There will always be bullies. There will always be victims and there will always be volunteers. It is my goal, however, to be none of the above.

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Perspective – 10/18/20

I am thinking about the smiles of people I know, which is funny because I hardly know them at all. I only know the impact they’ve had on me and the lessons I’ve learned from them.
For example, one of the best smiles I have ever seen was lent to me by a man that was much older. He was nearly toothless and gray-haired. It might be almost doubtful that he remembers me at all. But needless to say, I remember him very well.

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When Words Fall Short

There is this place where you and I go. And we meet here way too often. We come here because, of course, this is us, right? This is what we do.
Am I right?

I know there are times when words fall short. I know there are times when everything is so intense. And you’re like, “Dammit, already. It’s enough!”
I know there are times when advice is confusing (or unwanted) and nothing makes sense. Not even the simple things are easy.

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How The Hell Do We Get Back Up There?

Be advised, this is not for everyone. The following advice might not apply to you or to anyone outside the realm of rejection or depressive thinking. But for some, this is what I call a relatable substance. Not everyone knows how to get back up after they’ve fallen, nor does everyone believe they have the ability to do so. No one talks much about this.

To be honest, most people will say, “Don’t talk like that,” or they’ll say, “Don’t feel that way,” or “You just have to get back up and get over it,” as if the word “Just” makes everything “That” simple.

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