Today is a good day to point out the elephant in the room. We have to address this; otherwise, it’s just more of the same. Otherwise, we stay as we are or as we were. We have to address this; otherwise, the momentum we need to move forward is interrupted by our personal roadblocks. We have to address this or the effort it takes to move ahead will never begin. And then we’re stuck.
We’re caught in the stillness of our thoughts and the blockages of our excuses. But why? Why does this happen? I mean, we know we want to feel good. We want to be healthy. And there are times when we know we want to change. If we find ourselves uncomfortable, of course we want to feel better.
We want to improve. We want to get up and get moving. Maybe we set a date for ourselves. We give us a starting point and say, “That’s it. I’m starting tomorrow!”
Everything happens for a reason. Or, so they say. And I’m not sure what I think about this. I know this is a good way to look at things. Maybe this helps us make sense of something that makes no sense at all. Rather than accept the unfortunate cadence of life, we come up with sayings that help us answer for the unanswerable. Or, perhaps, this is better than contemplating the hard facts of life.
Something bad happens or something tragic and there’s nothing else to say except this, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, there is an adverse way of looking at this. Others have said this to me as well. Instead of saying everything happens for a reason, what if we came to the understanding that there is a reason why everything happens.
I am four days and a wake-up away from something I call my anniversary. And as for this or to those who don’t know, I am four days away from acknowledging a specific date. I am 30 years away from a night that nearly killed me as well as possibly someone else. I am 30 years away from my last binge and 30 years away from a night of breaking in through the windows of a few suburban homes.
I say four days and a wake-up for a reason. I say it this way because of the roll call I had to answer for. I had to answer for this, each morning at a facility in a place up at a town called Kerhonkson, New York.
Dreams change. I know this is true. I know that my dreams from ten years ago are much different from my dreams that I have now. I know that my plans have changed. My intentions have changed too. Or, is that I have become more focused? Maybe I’ve matured. Maybe I’ve learned a trick or two. Perhaps the answer is that life has changed; therefore, my experience has changed and as a result, my visions have changed.
In fairness though, my vision is still to find the ultimate answer. I want to know more about my purpose. I want to understand my reason for living. I want to know more about my “why?”
Yet, I have grown. I have matured. I have learned and I have reached different levels of awareness. I have seen that life changes without warning. I have learned that my expectations are not always met. Plans fall apart. People change their roles in our life. Goodbyes can suck and separations can be painful but sometimes, changes are necessary. It was hard for me to understand this but with the exception of our past, nothing in life is a permanent thing.
What is it?
What is the difference between you or me or anyone else? I understand about DNA. I understand that we are all born with unique and individual talents. Some are born naturally funny. Some are born with athletic ability. Some people are born from the lucky gene pool and for them, simple things like money and financial security will never be a worry.
Yet still, even to them, life comes with difficulties.
Even to some of the wealthiest in the world, their money does not buy what they want, which could be happiness or freedom from depression, freedom from anxiety, or more to the point, freedom from themselves.
I am sure that I am not alone when I say I have needs. I have the need to be wanted and liked. I’m sure that I am not by myself when I say that I look for acceptance. I look to be validated. Sure. I want approval.
I want to be understood. I want to be heard.
The truth is acceptance and validation should really come from within. And if this doesn’t come from within, then where does it come from? Other people?
Is that right?
It’s okay to let go. (You know?)
It’s okay to move on. It’s okay to move forward with life because otherwise, we’re stuck with more of the same. This means we find ourselves stuck with the same old anger. This means we’re stuck with the same goddamned resentments. This means to be stuck in the same past experience that we wish we could change (but we can’t).
So instead, we keep reliving the unforgettable and unforgivable moments that lead us back to the chemical reactions in our body, which is the end result, or otherwise known as emotion.
There is no reason to brag about where we’ve been. There’s no reason for us to compare scars or place honor where honor doesn’t belong. Sometimes we place honor where honor does not deserve to be placed. And yet, I notice that we still do it. I know people that have been to jail, countless times, and they carry their paperwork as if this validates them. They show their collars and the leash that kept them stuck. I have met with people that swear they’ll never go back to their old lifestyle. And yet, sometimes months, weeks, days and in some cases even hours later, they found themselves right back at it.
There is a great phenomenon that takes place when we simplify our life and break down all the complications and intimidations which stand in our way. Suddenly, the elephant in the room isn’t around or so uncomfortable anymore. The big bad wolf isn’t so big or bad. And we see things clearer now.
There is an amazing aftermath that takes place after we deactivate the distractions that grow in our mind, like weeds that suffocate the roots of our dreams, goals, plans and restrict the strategies we’d used to achieve them.
Did I ever tell you about my friend Clear Shot? For the record, Clear Shot wasn’t his birth name. No, this is his nickname. The reason for his nickname was because Clear Shot would create sprinkler drawings for commercial office buildings.
There are old buildings throughout New York City that were built before current standards as the new buildings we have today. Enter my friend Clear Shot.
His job was to sketch a plan for the Department of Buildings to have on file. The drawings were detailed prints which designed the plan; and the details of this work needed to be done according to the plan upon inspection. However, anyone in the construction business knows to always expect the unexpected.