To The Civilian:
There are different battles for different kinds of people. Some battles are more deliberate; some of them are more strategic and cold, some battles are quietly long, and linger on painfully, and some battles come with flashes of violence against enemies both seen and unseen, heard and unheard. It would be inaccurate to say wars are limited to one specific battlefield. And complete with different battlegrounds, life happens, and each person has their own war front.
In some cases, the hardest battle for one person is considered peaceful to another. In most cases, however, the Continue reading
27 years ago today . . .
Can you believe it? A full-grown man is born and raised in less time than this.
27 years ago. It was passed the midnight hour when the nurse came out to see Craig and give him the news.
Mom, Dave and I had decided to come home once they turned on the machines to keep you alive. You were no machine to us. No, to us you were more than artificial life.
What I remember most about this day is the hours later. After receiving the news, I remember the first time Continue reading
In a quick turn of events, the weather switched from very cold to really warm. The snow on the ground is melting so fast that the ground has a soft white mist hovering above it. The sky is gray this morning and the wind is calm.
It’s raining somewhere east of me now and to the south, I’m told the sun is bright and warm. I imagine the sun is exactly as it was when I would take my long walks down the beach in Ft. Lauderdale. Remember?
White sand, blue water, palm trees, and Continue reading
After the guests leave and all is packed away; leftovers are sealed up in Tupperware, the fridge is full with the remnants of Christmas day food, bellies are full, and the home is lit by the soft dull glow collected from the little warm white lights, which string around and weave throughout the branches and shimmering between the tinsel and ornaments of the Christmas tree; the house is gratefully empty, dogs are cozied in their places with eyes half-closed and tired after an eventful day of attention and affection from house guests, family, and grandma; the television radiates a dull beam that flickers across the television screen, and usually flickering from a classic Christmas movie from our generation, or perhaps a generation before ours, yet the classic never gets old and still fits well in our hearts.
The couch way is the right way in times like this. At last, there is Continue reading
We are almost at the day of your anniversary. It’s strange to think of how many years fit between now and then. I was just a boy then. I was a boy on the verge of manhood. I was a boy on the verge of a new way of life and a boy on the verge of understanding the difference between life and mortality.
When I boarded the bus from Monticello to home, I was months away from previous self. I had not change that much that I had forgotten who I was or what had happened to me. I was not gone long enough to undergo a complete transformation. I was better, but yet, I was still sick. I was only gone long enough to have the fog lift in my mind. I was gone long enough that my name fell Continue reading
If anyone ever asked my mother, she might have told you the hardest day in her career of being a mother was the day she drove me up to a drug and alcohol treatment facility. I was far away from home and fortunately, I was even further away from my friends and the other influences that kept me sick. If anyone asked my mother if she felt this was the right thing to do; she would have explained about the guilt she felt. She might have explained about the feelings of failure, asking herself, “Where did I go wrong?”
I did not grow up in a broken, nor abusive home. I was not neglected, nor were my parents active alcoholics or involved with drugs in any way. I grew up in a normal, average home with the same Continue reading
Looking at you, I wonder what it is that goes on behind your smile. I watch you sometimes. I seldom tell you this, but I do.
I sit quietly and watch you because in times like this words are unnecessary and they would do nothing else but interrupt my picture of you.
In some cases, something comes Continue reading
After scrolling through a series of photographs, I came across one with me in it. Having realized that I almost failed to recognize myself, nearly asking, “Who is that fat guy?” I became painfully aware of what had happened to me.
To put this kindly; I was overweight. My knees hurt and my ankles were bad as well. My face was rounded and bloated. My stomach was round too and the tattoo of an Asian princess on my lower rib and across my stomach had gained enough weight that she no longer resembled an Continue reading
One day you will be older. Today will be gone and so will tomorrow.
Someday, my answers to your questions will make more sense than they do now. And someday, whenever that day may be, you will look back at this; you’ll look back and be able to see through the misunderstandings; you’ll see through the misinterpretations, and the miscommunication. Someday, you’ll look back and you’ll see through the times when I was Continue reading
I heard these words before.
“A fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others recover from . . .”
I heard these words before, but words like these were too far for me to grasp.
Walking through a series of double doors and into a small room, lined with chairs that were filled with others like me, I had no idea what to expect. This was not my first time in a room like this. I suppose it was just the first time I was able to pay attention. My mind had cleared enough that I could listen to what was being said. It was the first time I listened to Continue reading