Dear Devil You Know.

It is another morning and the opposition and tension is mounting. But you already knew this.
Then again, the tension is always thick enough to be cut with a knife.
I know.
There is always someone or something out there, looking to pull their tricks.
I know that it’s not just you.

I also know that this has always been another one of your tricks.
I know how you look to keep me guessing.
Or to keep me on my heels, just so i can run to you when I am afraid
. . .or uncomfortable.

I guess my question to you is where did the time go?
Where has the time gone and when did everything change?
How did we go from this to that or that to this?
I don’t know. . .
Or is this all too vague to ask you while heading to work in the morning on a westbound train?

I know.
Early to bed, early to ruse is supposed to make a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
I do not feel any of the above at the moment.

I agree when people tell me that days should never lose their meaning. However, there are days that come with titles or certain affiliations that come with different meanings and connections. There are birthdays and anniversaries. There are holidays or days that took place and changed our life and altered our direction for the rest of our days on Earth.
I cannot, will not and I do not say that life is fair and nor is there anything fair about the way life happens.
Life happens to everyone. Of course, this happens to everyone.

No one escapes or gets away unscathed or unmarked, untouched, or unbruised. And yet, this is life.
This is everything life is supposed to be, complete with sunny skies and rainy days.
Life is complete with ups and downs, trials, tribulations, rises and falls and failures and successes.
Joy. Pain.
Live, love, laugh, and learn.
These five things which I mentioned above are basic facts of life. 

I remember trying to gather my thoughts, or at minimum; I wanted to gather my sanity and find out how to maintain at least a semblance of self and appear sane. But I am not sane.
I am not crazy or so crazy because I would rather believe that love is real or that love can exist, even in the imperfections of life or that two people can fit perfectly, despite their dissimilar edges.

But ah, that distant definition of sanity was all too crazed and all too far and all too blurry for me to see clearly.
This is it . . .
This is the jumping point or the platform to which we can either springboard or dive and fall and hit the bottom of our doubts.

And then one day, you just let go.
Like, wow . . .
And suddenly all is well.
Be advised, however, that the day does not always come quickly and the trips around the world do not come easily. But rest assured, a morning comes and somehow, the sunrise looks different.
You see yourself in the mirror.
You feel the need to “clean house” so-to-speak.
No more reliving old conversations or rehearsing what you’ll say next, if you ever see that person again.

I always say the same thing.
If you don’t know then you won’t know. Or if you don’t know then I guess you can’t know, which is fine because this is not to say that I or you or anyone else is better or worse. Not at all.
This is only to say that sometimes, the earth we feel comes with a different sensations. My hands have touched different things and therefore, the feel of silk or velvet will have a different meaning to me.
The same can be said about the smells we smell or the sounds we hear and how they are all mixed like special ingredients that give depth and substance to our memories.
My memories are mine and some people will never understand them. However, I am sure that you are one of the “Some” who would understand and “get it,” if I told you about them.
And, I have told you.

Where does the time go?
It’s hard to think about this but yesterday was your birthday
I guess it’s true what they say. Time flies.

No one ever knew your real age. Or so you’d tell us. And maybe this is true. Maybe you lied about your age for so long that even you forgot how old you were. Or maybe age is just a number.

Good morning.

I hope and trust that this find our spirits at a good time and that my letter serves a purpose for you.
I was up again, last night. Of course, this is nothing new for me or for you.
But such are battles we face.

I was told about the idea that perhaps I should surrender to win. I was told that if I surrender, then I can come to terms with the way things are instead of fighting with them which makes sense.

Nothing hit in last night’s attack.
But this is common with imaginary wars.
I know.
Today is Sunday and the morning was more than I expected.

The sky was blue and everything was green. The trees, the grass, the leaves, and all the colors of Earth are alive in springtime and showing themselves off in full bloom.
I am doing my best.
Or better yet, at least I can say that I have managed to remain consistent.
At least with this. I am still consistent with coming here or to sit with you, if there is such a thing.
All of this, my letters, my dialogues, and journals, and my internal truths and my external dilemmas are all alive and well and still real to me.
So are you.

And so we skipped along, like two kids, grown and reliving the ideas of what it means to be young and to feel alive.
Nothing in the world is as freeing or as redeeming as this feeling.
I write this to you, or my future you to which one day I am hoping that this becomes us and we become them.
There is an us and them. At least, I know this is so in my soul
or so I hope.