There is a house over on Prospect that has never taken down their Christmas decorations. The house has been this way for years. Then again, I moved away years ago. Perhaps this has changed. Truth is I’m not sure.
Year round though, the house was dressed with an old holiday spirit that was never removed. It is unclear if anyone lived in the house. I’ve never seen anyone come in or out. The house is aged and weathered and the landscaping is unkempt to say the least. I’m sure the neighbors on either side do not appreciate the look. The houses in the community are moderately priced. Prospect Avenue is a main street, although, the neighborhood is otherwise suburban and the town is the place I grew up.
I was ready to quit after my first class. I couldn’t help it. All I could do was look around the room and listen to the others introduce themselves. Everyone in the meeting room had letters after their name. They had titles and credentials. They had professional history, and worse, they all knew each other.
They were all players in the mental health field. They were all on a first name basis, and then there was me, passed the midway of my 40’s with a limited education and wondering if I could make a go of a new direction in life.
The world is connected by a body of water. We might be separated by the continents, but no matter how far away, no matter how distant the sea, connection is still connection.
I saw we are the same way. I say the same as the oceans have tides, so do we. We pull in and we pull out. Some days are calm, and some days our seas are rough. Such is life.
More than anything, I get it; you want to find a way out from the hole that you’re in. More than anything, you want anything else except for more of the same.
You want to wake up someplace else or be someone else. Maybe the problem is money or your lack of finances cause you to believe that this makes you a failure. Maybe it’s the lonesomeness. Maybe it’s the hopelessness. Maybe it’s a feeling or better yet, maybe it’s an idea that tells you, “This will only be as good as it gets.”
More than anything, you want the thoughts in your head to stop spinning around and adding up, one by one, and more than anything, you just want a break from it all.
You want the symptoms to slow down so you can catch your breath instead of running away all the time.
More than it seems, there is no more use for the ideas of stigma. But either way, stigma still exists. Either way and on either side, good or bad, judgement is a natural process. Isn’t it?
I was a guest on a local radio show last night. The show is called “The Connection Hour,” on WFDU, 89.1fm.
I love the host, a man by the name of Anthony Greene. I love the name of the show because everything we have, everything we do and think, and everything we are to one another is based upon a connection to an idea, thought, feeling, or a need.
I began to wonder if anything was even real.
Are you real?
Or, are these just words formed in a sentence to fit into a trained opinion of how life is supposed to be?
Or is this just how things go here?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m just a passenger in this place, down here on a circulating conveyor belt, which I call Project Earth.