You were small once. (Remember?)
I can recall the look in your eyes. I can remember the glare on your face while twirling a little sparkler and the amazement was wild. You were little. You were young as ever and the world was so new. Everything was so big and amazing, like the colored flashes in the nighttime sky on the 4th of July.
There is a picture I have of you somewhere. You were in a little blue princess dress. It was Halloween and your little plastic orange pumpkin was filled with candy. I can see this in my mind. I can see your smile. I can see the darkness behind you and the street we used to live on.
I know there is a difference between fair and unfair. And then again, I know that things happen without the option of being either. I know what we say. I know what we teach our children. I know about the rules and influences, and yet, I know that we often contradict ourselves.
I suppose there are things you never had the chance to say. Then again, I suppose there are things I never had the chance to tell you. I’m not sure why this happens. I’m not sure how. I only know that life goes this way sometimes. This is unfortunate but true. Not everyone gets along and not everyone likes each other, simply because they are supposed to. Not everyone fits into the typical family mold. And what I mean is regardless of our roles in one another’s life, not everyone gets along, even if we want to.
To be fair, I write this from both a personal perspective as well as an onlooker’s. I write this as someone who has seen this struggle from an outsider’s point of view and as someone that has lived through this with personal experience. I also write this without judgment or prejudice.
It’s crazy to think how we are more than 93 million miles away from the sun, and yet, we still feel the heat. It’s crazy to think about our distance from the sun or how long it takes to revolve around it. And then there’s Mars, which is even farther away. It’s cold on Mars. Then again, Mars is about 141 million miles away from the sun. So, it’s pretty safe to say that winter’s on Mars must be a bitch.
Space is interesting to me. And I don’t mean space as in outer space. No, I mean the space between time and distance. I mean the way we feel, which, no matter how far we are or no matter how long it’s been, still, we can feel the warmth of someone we love.
I see you. . .
It wasn’t so long ago that I was you. But yet, I have to correct myself here. I have to correct myself because I was never you and you were never me. We are both entirely different people. I was much younger once. I can say this for sure.
I was certainly much younger than I am now. I was once a different person and in my former life. I thought differently. I lived differently and viewed things through different eyes. I was perhaps misled, but yet, I was still me. I was raw. I was unsure, frustrated, afraid of so much and yet I was brave enough to dare the world (if I had to).
There are defining moments in life that are more than just defining. They are undeniable, They are the moments that we can never get back or retrieve again.
This makes them all the more priceless. These are the days of our youth. These are the times of our life. These are the moments, like say, the first time we were on a bicycle and realized we were doing this all by ourselves. These are the moments when we saw something so profound, like Mom and Dad standing together when they were young. These are the memories we carry with us. This is what shapes us. This is what makes us who we are and helps defines who we become.
I don’t know where people go when they leave. For one, I don’t know where I’ll be when the future changes. I don’t know what happens with people after they lose touch or have a falling out. I only know about what happens to us, or should I say me. I know that the rest of your life is right there. Everything is in front of you. The choice is yours, who stays, who goes and all the options in-between are right there and yours for the taking.
I’m writing this letter with hopes that my thoughts might come in handy. I was hoping some of this might help the world make a little sense one day. Then again, I’m not too sure the world makes sense to anyone anymore. But either way, I figured it’s worth a shot.
I don’t know where you are right now. At least, not exactly. I don’t know what you’re doing or what you’re thinking. I don’t know who you trust or confide in. I know the roads we take are confusing sometimes. This trip we’re on is a wild ride. That’s for sure. So, buckle up but don’t be afraid to ride with the wind in your hair.
You were small once. You were so small in fact that you used to fit in my arm between my wrist and the inside of my elbow. I can remember this. I can remember the fear and the excitement and the intimidation of being a new Dad.
I can recall a time when I was in Disney. Of course Disney in itself is a miraculous place. Ever been?
They have rides and reasons to believe in fairytales. They have displays that are inspiring and heartfelt. They have “It’s A Small World,” which has been around for as long as I can remember. They have Minnie and Mickey, Goofy, and Donald.
This is supposed to be the happiest place on Earth. And I suppose it is. I suppose it would have been happy for me if I was there with different people.