There is so much more beneath the surface. And sometimes, we barely scratch it. There is more to us all than meets the eye. There is more to us, such as the unspoken or the uncovered, the undiagnosed, or the unaddressed parts of our life, which we’d prefer to keep hidden Ah, but the mind is such an incredible place.
We remember far more than we think. This is the storage unit where pasts behind the eyes of each and every one of us.
There is more to us all. There is more to our fears and there is more to the ideas of our loneliness than simply being alone. In fact, lonesomeness is not always synonymous with the lack of company. As a matter of fact some of the loneliest places I have ever been are places where I was absorbed by a crowd.
But no one talks about things like this. No one really speaks openly or honestly. No one dares to be truthful about themselves because why? Is it too raw? Is it too real?
I was very young. I suppose I was about the age when I wore one-piece pajamas with little feet on the bottom. There was a fire on the neighbor’s front lawn. This was something that I didn’t understand. I was too young to know how fires started. I was old enough to know what fire is. I knew that fire was dangerous and that someone could be burned or hurt.
However, this fire was different. This fire was set by someone. More importantly, this fire was in the shape of a small, almost waist high cross that was made out of wood. It was planted in the front yard of my next door neighbor, doused with gasoline and then set on fire.
I was just thinking. You know, just thinking about the way you see life. I was thinking about the way I see things. I was thinking about the so-called wealthy or the fortunate. I was thinking about privileged and how with all of their advantages, they get sick too.
Cancer never asks about the size of anyone’s bank account. Heart disease doesn’t care if you come from the Westside or the East. Either way, chemistry is still chemistry. Covid killed both the wealthy and the poor. Skin color is skin color, race is race, and religion is religion. Meanwhile, no matter which God we pray to or even if we pray at all, health is still health and science is still science.
There is the idea that no one gets it. Nobody understands. In some cases, there’s the idea that nobody even cares because no matter what’s happening in our head, life keeps moving.
All the pressures and all the tensions; all the crap that floods our thinking and yet, meanwhile, the rest of the world is still moving, which means we still have to show up. We still have to co-exist. We have to interact with co-workers and the supervisors that say idiotic or insensitive things.
There are times when life seems like some crazy competition. There’s always someone looking to get something. Someone always has an angle or an agenda. And then there’s us, just trying to get by.
I talk a lot about freedom. I talk about the freedom from self and the freedom from a life which is governed by criticism. I see us all as capable prisoners. We are prisoners to the different systems of control, the criticisms, the critics, and often, we live our life looking in the rearview mirror instead of looking ahead.
Before going forward, I want to reach out and say the paragraphs going forward are not about God, Himself (or Herself either. I don’t want to create any pronoun trouble). Instead, I am quoting something that I had read before. I am not subjecting anyone to my beliefs nor am I pushing the “God” thing on anyone. Not at all. But I do use two quotes below which I use for reference only to bring a sense of understanding.
The other day, someone said “There are 7.5 billion people in this world and you’re going to let the opinion of one person stand in your way?” I have heard different ways this has been said, but yet, hearing this the other day was as if I had never heard this before. And suddenly, a light went on in my head.
I like this way of thinking. I like this because it is true. There are billions of people in this world. There are so many different ways to become the person we want to be, and yet, for some reason, we allow people to interrupt our path in life. We allow people a voice in places where they have no say. We take things personally, when in fact, most times people say or do something this has nothing to do with us. This is more about them than anything else, and yet, we adopt this. We accept this and we take this in.
Negativity is the enemy of creativity . . .
Ever hear this before? I have. I’ve probably heard this more times than I could imagine. But yet, sometimes we hear things and other times, we hear the meaning.
I heard this comment yesterday as if I had never heard this before. Yet still, the quote stuck with me. Negativity is the enemy of creativity.
I thought about this during a mild bout with anxiety and insomnia. I thought about the various enemies that hold us back, I thought about my thoughts and ideas that can become burdensome or problematic. I thought about the feelings and changes we go through both internally and externally. There is life in front of us all. We all live with this.
I understand this will not be suitable for everyone. Then again, this is not written for everyone. This is not even written for anyone in particular. Perhaps this is just for me or not at all. Either way, there are some that can attest to this. There are some who relate and some who understand. There are some who think or have felt this way too; and to them, this is something that makes sense.
There are different marks of recovery. There are different reasons why people at some point, rise up and walk away from their former self. And, quite honestly, in the beginning is a moment of awareness. In the beginning are the countless thoughts and fears that seem unrelenting.
No one ever said the right thing would be easy. No one ever told me that it would be easy to deny the body or to deny my thoughts. No one ever told me this.
There are times when we want to quit. There are times when we feel pain. We feel anguish. Our anxiety hits the all-time high. There are times when we experience conflict. There are moments when there is work to do but our body does not feel up to the task; and therefore, our mind does not feel up to the task. There are times when we lack the push and the shove or the drive we need to get us through the day.
Before we begin, I would like to invite you to enjoy this exercise by stretching your imagination. First, we will start by envisioning the information below. See this as it relates to you and allow the pictures in your mind to unravel and unfold into a scene, as if this is your life.