Each day you are tasked with an option. To do or not, to be, or to stand or retreat; these are all options the same as it is an option to succeed or to fail. All of this is a position of the mind and a relation to our thinking. We are either the outcome of our assumptions or we can be the product of our efforts. This is something that has challenged me throughout my life. In conjunction with the stories I’ve learned from people who struggled to believe in themselves, I came to the conclusion that the biggest challenge is the direction of our thinking.
I was told about some of the great motivators in life. I was told about the motivation of victory. I was told about the motivators that come with pride of ownership or the motivators that come with a sense of personal dignity, which allows us to keep our head held high and our shoulders back. This is good. Everyone likes this; to be celebrated and valued or wanted or desired.
I was told about the motivators that come with fear and pain – all of which are excellent motivators too. These can trigger emotion, to instill, to create and to form an understandable degree or the want for personal safety. No one wants pain yet, a large degree of our emotional pain comes from within us.
There are different motivators but mainly we want to either achieve, affiliate or associate, or gain a sense of personal power or protection. Yet, this is energy and in our case is only energy. We are a source of this. In which case, we are our own central plant.
Our energy is no different from electricity which means our circuits need direction in order to be complete. We are a product of our usage and consumption.
We often waste energy or figuratively speaking, we leave the lights on in rooms that are not in use.
This is not about good or bad or right or wrong. Instead, this is about our direction of flow. This is about the dedication of our circuitry and how we dedicate our energy to adhere to our primary motivations.
Why do we fail to launch? Why do we self-sabotage or self-destruct?
Or, better yet, why do we experience fits or moments of self harm?
And for the record, what is self-harm?
Is this strictly about cutting or burning or physically hurting oneself? Or, is this a system of energy that has been impacted by our surrounding environment – and rather than think clearly, perhaps we respond in ways that would subconsciously lead to an understandable result.
Is gossip self-harm?
“When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser”
Is this healthy? Does this lead to a beneficial life or relationship? Or, would it be safer to say that this is a reflection of self?
Let’s bring this to a simple standard. Let’s talk about prioritization at work – or, wait.
Let’s bring things back to an earlier or simpler equation, like our childhood or when we had our feelings hurt or when we thought we were going to fail (or lose) and we’d quit before we even started.
Perhaps this is why kids take their toys or their ball and go home.
Now of course, this exists in different measures with different people. However, I charge that it is easier to be our best when we feel our best.
However, emotional challenges or discomfort do not always come with a physical identification. Therefore, the weight of our emotions and emotional thinking will often result in emotional responses.
Therefore, let’s look at the simple motivators that produce rejective thinking. Let’s look at items such as guilt or shame, blame and regret. Or, another big one; let’s think about our insecurity by way of comparison and validity. What I mean here is the worry that we might be “less-than” or not as worthy or valuable as another person.
These ideas take us away from our best potential and can lead us to create an underlying mapping that can degrade our efforts.
The argument I’ve heard is that this should motivate a person to want to improve.
“You want to be better? So, be better,”
This should motivate a person to “get out” of trouble instead of be “in” trouble. However, intimidation is a draining thought process.
The emotional mind is an interesting part of our thinking. We often find ourselves trapped in assumptions. We create belief patterns and habitual biases that suggest “if this, then that.”
Therefore, our energy can be funneled in a self-deprecating direction or by means of sabotage. We behave because we’ve expected and prepared for the worst. We find our assumptions to become evident and true. As a result, we subconsciously paint ourselves in a corner – and then we think to ourselves or perhaps out loud and say, “See? I told you so!”
Pain and fear are excellent motivators; however, our motivation is in need of direction. The words we use and the direction of our attitude can lead us to a focus or target bias; which again, this is neither positive nor negative but an aspect of our life which is in need of direction.
I can’t/I can
Our energy, whether anabolic and fulfilling or catabolic and draining, is in need of a direction of flow. We are what we eat, or so they say and thus, if this is true then we are what we think. This means we are the compilation of our thoughts and beliefs; we are who we feel and as an end result; we are the chemical reaction of this, which is our emotion.
I am a person who is familiar with self-harm. However, as an adult and as a speaker, I have discussed this in front of groups of people only to watch their expressions change when the topic of self-harm comes up. Self-harm is a control device that is far more than cutting or physically hurting oneself. However, the pathology (or science) is the same.
We are responding. We are reacting. Whether the stimuli is accurate or assumed; either way, the data of our thought patterns become a programmed belief. Therefore, we can jump to conclusions or follow the failures of our assumptions. In which case, we act out or respond unprofessionally. We behave in patterns that match our emotional chemistry. Rather than face our challenges with our best face, we give in to the inaccuracies of our assumptions.
This can be connected to ideas such as “Andy doesn’t like me,” so we respond to this emotionally.
This can be connected to a thought that suggests, “I know that I’m not getting the promotion,” which is an assumption based on ideas of age, insecurity, personal unsureness and due to the fact that we often do not know what goes on outside of our own perspective, the deception of our perception can impact the way we behave or perform.
I have met with people who can do brilliant things. Their capabilities are endless and their thought ability and their skill sets are beyond compare; yet, they have sabotaged themselves or kept their options of growth limited and unchallenging. They’ve failed to launch or cut the cords of their habitual comfort.
This is a response.
I have seen people who fail to launch. I have seen people who were great in the training rooms and when real time comes to life, they’ve quit on themselves.
Fear is an excellent motivator. So is discomfort as well as the comfort of knowing or understanding the common rules of engagement.
Why are people so afraid of the unknown? Why is the fear of the unknown or the concern for the unknown effort ahead of us so crippling?
I bring this down to one word: Worth.
Whether it’s our personal worth or the worth of our energy; still, I bring this to the idea of worth and comfort.
Is it worth it to try and only go so far?
Is this a case of all or nothing and since nothing seems more believable or common, then nothing it is. Therefore, we prepare for the absence of achievement and we fail before we begin.
Everyone wants to be better. No one stands in line to be the worst or have the worst. However, if we think we are undeserving or find our worth compromised then we behave in this reward – emotionally and consecutively following an inaccurate belief system.
Success is an excellent motivator.
So is failure. So is pain. So is pleasure.
All of these are systems of energy and like electricity, all of these need a direction of flow.
They say move a muscle, change a thought. Make a shift and transfer energy. Do. Go. Be. And Build.
Change our focus and we can improve our target bias.
This is anabolic. This is nurturing and fulfilling. This promotes growth and improves worth.
Or, stay in our thoughts and live in the so-called “stinking-thinking” or entertain the internal narrative by playing the tragedy out in our head – entertain the rehearsal of conversations in our head and relive arguments or prepare for the assumed future of disputes and this is catabolic – or draining and suffocating, like a weed that kills the blossoms of our hopes.
It’s morning now.
It’s time to go and move a muscle to change a thought, a feeling and inevitably, the emotions it take to successfully make it through the day and come to a constructive conclusion – so we can do it again tomorrow and be one step better than we are today.