I don’t know what it’s like to live as anybody else. I’ve never walked a mile in anyone else’s shoes. I don’t know what it’s like to live in anyone else’s skin or see things from behind someone else’s eyes.
I know that what we see, think, feel and say are all open to interpretation. And here we are. It’s another day above the dirt. It seems you and I are on a voyage right now. Then again, we all are. We all have our individual purpose. We have our unique way of seeing things and whether we see this or not, we offer a unique package to the world around us.
There is a saying about worry that goes, “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” Needless to say that put simply, yes, this is true.
Then again, there’s another saying that is equally true. “Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down, simply by being told to calm down.”
I go back to that word, “Just” and the way people simplify our difficulties when they offer their advice by saying, “Just don’t think that way.”
The question comes down to this, “What now?”
Life changes in front of our eyes. There are problems and breakups, splits, and tough decisions. There is always something around that opens our eyes to the need for change or improvement. But once we are aware, the question is this: What am I supposed to do now?
Simple answers are complicated. Nothing makes sense. We have an uphill climb and work to do. This is why people have spent lifetimes with blinders on. They’ve kept themselves this way because of one intimidating question. What now?
Accepting nominations and compliments is difficult for me. Needless to say, I do not do awards or nominations because, well, put simply, awards distract me. Plus, I never saw myself as this kind of writer.
The longer I am on this path, which I call my art, the more I learn about the person I want to be and the writer I want to become. Humbly, I see myself as this; I am proud to be as I am, which is self-taught. I am proud that I made a commitment to write and stuck with it. The commitment to write is something that I take very seriously. My growth as a writer and my ability to continue, regardless of the readers or the critics, is very important to me.
I go down the old streets sometimes, in memory of course, or in dreams, or in pictured flashbacks of times when time was less crucial.
Life was much simpler then. Me, you, us, the world as it was and how it’s changed.
I go through the different locations that were if anything; safe to say these were the birthplaces of my life because to me, it is accurate to say that yes, we are born more than once.
As I see it, we all have our ways of doing things. And me, I write.
I write my thoughts to keep them from gravity. I write to replace thoughts with action and to stop the momentum of my ideas that tend to grow legs and run off into crazy directions. Hence, the anxiety, which is why I write to remove the shame or stigma of being nothing else but normal
(if there is such a thing).
I am thinking now of how it was, a long, long time ago in a different life, a different place and we were young of course. I am thinking about the mountains that were new to me. I am thinking about the farm and the way of life, the early mornings and the barn crews, the cleaning crews, kitchen details and the grogginess, which was me at this time. I was still foggy and still stuck in a strange pattern of thinking.
Nothing made sense to me. Not my life or my charges, the courts or the conditions of my sentence. I was living in a totally different world and almost speaking in a different language. Everything was painfully foreign to me. My choices were unattractive at best. The only other option to the farm was jail for one year, plus 90 days.
There are undeniable truths about our life, which we often deny or try to overlook. In fairness, however, truth is always truth. Thoughts are only thoughts. Feelings are only feelings and fears are only fears.
Long ago, it was said to me that perception is not truth. Perception is only true to the one that perceives it is true. To which I say the truth is if someone believes an idea of thought, wholeheartedly and repeatedly, then this becomes their truth.
One of my favorite traditions on Thanksgiving is going around the table and listening to everyone give thanks for what they are grateful for this year.
I loved this part of my family’s tradition. Unfortunately, the years have gone by since then. People moved away and more accurately, people have passed away. The times have changed and this year has changed the face of society. However, it is right that we give thanks. It is right that we look for the details behind our gratitude. So, please, if you will allow me the moment of sappiness, then I will begin.
Now, be mindful, I am not speaking for everyone. I am not saying I am right or wrong. This is a note from experience. And mine might be different from yours but either way, here it goes . . .