No one ever said that life will be easy . . .
There comes a time when you work and you work so hard that you almost lose sight of your purpose. You run into yourself at the door. You burn the candle at both ends and you wonder if any of this will ever make sense. You wonder if any of your plans will come through. You wonder if this is all just a game. Maybe what people say is true. Maybe this is all just a rat race. Maybe what people say is true and this is all just a maze and at best, all you can do is try to avoid the dead-ends so you don’t have to backtrack so much.
I believe the thing that stops us is the very concern of what happens next. What do I do? Where do I go? Or better yet, who will I be if not me or the person I’ve been for so long? The trouble is the ideas of what comes next or what comes after.
After what, you ask?
To say the previous year was a year of loss would be an understatement. The truth is we all lost. We lost connections. We lost the opportunity to gather. Some people lost their jobs and businesses, and some people lost hope. We lost loved ones, friends and family.
As it stands, 2020 is a year that will never be forgotten. There is no doubt this year will be a year that goes down in history books. This will always be known as the year of the pandemic.
If for nothing else, today is a perfect day to reflect. Today, as in this moment now and here with you, the sun is coming up and peaking through my window of my loft. The clinking from my radiator signifies that it is cold outside but it is warm in here.
For now, all is quiet. For now, the new year is only a baby and was just born a little more than eight hours ago. There is so much. There are so many things I wish I could see and so many things I’d like to say.
Perhaps this is why I value our time as much as I do.
This is why you mean so much to me. I am fine here. I am comfortable. And you understand me. You get it. There is no need to pretend. There is no need to act or perform. It’s perfect.
So here it is, the last day of 2020. And here we are, hoping for something to come along and save us, like a vaccine or an answer of some kind, which can hopefully turn us all around. Maybe this is so we can get back to being human again. And tonight when the ball drops, this year will become last. I am writing this specifically to you. So, for the time being, I would like to clear away all of our sorry little distractions and scale back to the core of our natural being.
Are you ready for some honesty?
See, I ask this because the interesting part about writing honestly is people have their own interpretations about this. Then again, the reason I write about this or the reason I write about any of my life is to expose my truth. I write about my life to be unafraid.
I do this because by exposing myself or my thinking, I have learned to uncover truth. I have learned to understand more about the roots of my thinking. I have grown to understand the roots of my emotions and the roots of my behavior.
There is a common need, which we all have. There is a basic sense that goes beyond the initial five senses, which are sight, sound, taste, smell and touch. We need a sense of purpose. We need to feel a sense of balance as well as a sense of belonging. We have a need to be included or involved; not to mention the need to be protected or the need to be right. We have a need to dream and a need to feel. We have a need to be wanted and desired as well as nurtured, valued, comforted and loved.
This morning is Christmas Day. I am sitting in the loft of my home beneath the skylight and listening to the sound effects of a heavy rainfall. Of course, I have my trusty cup of coffee by my side. The quiet dimness and the warmth of soft Christmas lights around the Christmas tree and the other decorations in my house is peaceful to say the least.
Most of the snow from the previous storm has melted away. And for now, I am alone in a much needed moment of isolation and reflection. For now, I am thinking about an old family tradition that we shared together on all of our holiday gatherings.
The tradition is heartfelt and simple and although this began on Thanksgiving, the tradition to go around the table and express what we are grateful for had eventually moved beyond the traditional Thanksgiving feast and grew to a larger custom, which followed us to every big occasion or family gathering.