I see myself in this dream. As a matter of fact, there are many dreams like this, which come in similar variations. It is cold but I am not affected. I can tell the dream takes place in wintertime. The sky is gray and the trees are empty of their leaves. I am in my hometown again. I am walking around the pond at Eisenhower Park. I am dressed in a gray sweat suit with white sneakers, which is odd to me because I have never worn nor owned a sweat suit that looks like this. The ducks and the geese are gone. The water is dark and the cement around the pond is somehow dim; as if the entire view of everything around me is slightly gray-washed or nearly black and white.Continue reading
There was a night that I recall. It was nothing special, at least not for any reason other than it was a nighttime in my young life. I was about to find myself at the spot where I traded my money for a few bags of self-destruction. Or wait, no. Maybe it’s more accurate to call the bags a form of self-distortion. It was true what they say, “The first hit is always free.” This is how they keep you coming back.Continue reading
I have come to the understanding that each life comes with an inherent truth. But what is truth? Or better yet, what is my truth? Or, should I ask, what is ours?
(Does anybody know?)
I have found that honesty can sting. Even at times when honesty is only pure, like the beauty of an old couple at a lake, looking across the surface to watch the ducks swim past before the sun goes down. The sky is on the verge of change and the color blue is about to switch to a pre-autumn sunset. Orange, I think. Yes, with shades of a purple hue to lace the clouds. And oh, the face of the lake is like a mirror to the sky. It’s perfect and true; yet, endearing enough to bring a tear to the eye.
There’s something about these words.
And there’s something to it. To be, “Okay.”
What a concept, right?
I have a box of memories. I have it somewhere, probably buried amongst other boxes, stored away someplace, but not forgotten. I have pictures and old letters. I have postcards that I sent home from when I was in sleepaway camp.
One of those postcards is as simple as ever. “Dear Mom, send food!” and that’s all.
There are greeting cards that I sent when my Mother first moved to Florida. I believe I sent weekly cards for a while. She kept all of them.
I know this because I found them when I packed Mom’s things before we moved her to assisted living. This is life though. Ups and downs, the good and the bad. And so is this box: it’s life.
Did I ever tell you about the time my Father swam in the Senior Olympics?
He competed in a few different races. I’m pretty sure he competed in the freestyle, backstroke, and breaststroke but not the butterfly. He said he loved to swim the butterfly stroke but his breathing wasn’t right for competition.
The Old Man slimmed down and practiced. He trained hard. But more, this was something The Old Man did to prevent from feeling old.
In recent pages, I have discussed a popular explanation of depression, which is living or thinking irrationally in the past and anxiety is living or thinking the same way in the future. The question then becomes where is the peace. The answer is here and now. However, our reaches into the past or projections into the future have also created certain errors.
As for now, we are a mass of different circuits and patterns. We are records of our past. We are lessons from our experiences. We are also the product of our environment. We can say things like, “My parents used to do that to me,” and then we would swear that we would never do the same thing to our kids.
There is a common theme with this book. The theme is the same as it is with all of my books, which is that first, there needs to be a truth of self and self-discovery. Secondly, and especially when discussing personal or transformational change, improvement or calculating the thought machine, we bring our understanding back to us. We keep this person centered to adjust our thoughts appropriately to fit our needs and personal understanding.Continue reading
It was autumn and the weather changed. The leaves switched from green to yellow and orange and the winds moved from warm to cool. The mornings showed frost on the grass and above all things, it was football season.
The ground was hard and the toes were cold. I was small and played in what was called the pee wee league. My helmet was bigger than my shoulders and my pads were too big as well.
I was no stranger to sports because sports was an important topic in my home. My Father was a coach. He was an athlete when he was younger. My brother was well-known in town for his time on the football field.
I would like to take you on a little trip. So, for the moment, I am going to ask that you rule out the distractions around you. Take a deep breath and find your center.
Unplug from everything and follow along:
Imagine the morning. You are awake and ready for the day. There is nothing pressing and nothing pending. The slate is clean and you are about to leave your home and start the day.
Imagine yourself in your desired surroundings. See your home and decorate this exactly as you would want it to be. Think about the different rooms and the furniture. Think about the shelves and the entertainment center in your living room. Imagine the way the rooms would flow into one another. The sun is beaming in through the windows and the day is bright.