We have this reward system in our mind, always hungry, always looking, and always crying out like a kid looking for a cookie.
This is how I see it:
When the good news is in and when things are right, the kid is happy. When everyone is friendly and everyone is supportive, when the votes are for and not against, the kid thrives. But take something away, throw in an insult, throw in fear, throw in anything you can think of that would be unsettling for a kid to hear; throw in an uncomfortable turn or an unexpected stream of bad news and take away the reward. Suddenly, the Continue reading
Back when I was living at 60 Meadow street when my Aunt’s house was home to me and the ideas of adulthood were still pretty new, I remember resigning a few of my fears about school and agreed to take the steps towards getting my high school diploma. I have always been uncomfortable in classroom settings. I always felt intimidated by teachers. I never liked taking tests. Most of all, I never liked the anxiety I felt when taking tests, which is why I always steered away from the ideas of going back to school.
Plus, I never wanted to Continue reading
There is a time when the body is most still between breaths.
This happens either at the top or the bottom of one’s breath,
and at that moment, the body is in its stillest position.
And there is something to be said about watching
as the one you love breathes. There is something to be said
about them in the stillest moment
with Continue reading
And the music, God, I swear there has to be something about the music when heartache comes to town. Somehow, in some crazy way, out of nowhere and in the random deep moments, the most painfully sad song comes on the radio to signify the moment and capitalize the pain. You feel every note that plays. And every word to each part of the lyrics coincides with everything that beats in your heart.
I have a few of these songs myself. They are Continue reading
They call it a foxhole prayer. These are the prayers that come out in times of great stress. This is when people pray because their back is to the wall. They’re afraid because it’s a life or death thing or they’re afraid to be caught.
Sometimes, prayers like this come when slumped over a toilet, the room is spinning around and no matter how you grab the walls; the room just won’t stop. Sometimes the foxhole prayer is quick and it comes Continue reading
I cannot say when the switch happened or how. I am not sure if I ever have one of the falls to the knee moment and felt embraced by the warm light of God because of a near death experience. I am not sure where the change began, or how, or what took place. In full disclosure, I did not believe in my process nor did I ever consider that I would ever find me straight or drug free. In all honesty, I believe my change came after a combination of events.
I suppose my first Continue reading
I love early morning walks. They give me time to separate the nonsense on my head and allow me a moment to redirect my energy. And it’s best at sunrise when the town is still sleepy and quiet. For me, sunrise means the sun comes up above an old Church, otherwise known as Old Wesley Chapel which is across from my home. For me, the sunrise comes up and sheds light on my small town on this side of the mountain. The Continue reading
It was my last day on the farm. I was about to embark on a new journey and about to enter into a new, unknown chapter. It was a morning like any other. Like usual, the sun came up over the mountains the same way it did for the 11 months of my stay. I was a dorm supervisor. I was a leader and senior member. I was someone with a respected name and position, a friend to many, and a brother to some. It was strange to think how this would be the last morning I woke up in the dorm. This would be the last time I had breakfast with my housemates. This would be the last time I had to answer to the daily regiment and follow the house rules. It was strange to think that after this morning, I would be released to a Continue reading
The following is about the deception of my perception. This is about the way I saw myself and the inaccuracy of my interpretation of life’s events. The paragraphs to follow are about moments when a light turned on in my head. This is about the moments of clarity when I saw life around me and realized that not everything is as it seems.
Up late with my usual Continue reading
As grown as we might be or as grown as we might become, there will always be among us, the young one within us.
There will always be the young thought and the young soul inside our spirit that still maintains a love affair with wonder.
There will always be this inherent need to laugh and play and to smile. And ah, the smile of this child is like no other. This is us in our truest Continue reading