From The Blue Collar Kid

In afternoon, the hot white sand is a bed to the body of undressed footsteps. The soft waves move in from a turquoise bay and fold upon the length of an empty shoreline, which to me, runs on for miles.
The sun has already peaked and the glowing mass returns from its summit and begins to submit to the horizon. The beach is empty in this dream. Perhaps it is this way for a reason.  The sky is clearly blue and without a cloud to interrupt the view of an unobscured heaven. I am south of the equator, or so I suppose, and with all my heart, I do not want to leave this place.

I don’t want to move from Continue reading

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A Back To School Comparison

It is the end of August and the summer moves closer to its unofficial end. The hours of daylight have already begun to shorten and students are preparing for the upcoming school year. I find myself wondering if anything has changed. I know the classrooms are different. The teachers from my time have all retired. Some of them have passed away. I know the computers are different and the styles from my day have changed throughout the years. I wonder, however, if the core emotions are still the same as when I was a teenage boy. I wonder if the feelings are any different and what the crowds are like.

I wonder what the social strategies are with today’s youth. What are the social draws? What are the crowds like Continue reading

Panic Attacks: An Explanation

I saw something the other day and it stuck with me. It was a picture with the words, “Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

Like many other people, I suffer from occasional to sometimes frequent anxiety attacks. They come on suddenly and often blindingly. However, after a careful consideration of these attacks; I realize they usually begin with a trigger. I see it like a unexpected storm that hits the horizon. The sky turns dark and loses daylight. One droplet falls. Then two droplets, three, and in seconds, the sky opens up and pours down in an angry rain.

When the storm hits, I lose visibility. I can’t think straight or focus because the rain is too heavy. This is how my panic attacks feel. When the anxiety hits, I began to lose choices. I lose my ability to negotiate or navigate my way through simple tasks. Everything happens at the wrong pace. Everyone seems to be in my way.
All I want to do is get out—and by out, I mean out of wherever I am. I’d like to get out of my skin. I would like to get out of my body—but I can’t so I begin to feel closed in. I feel claustrophobic and the Continue reading

If you can’t laugh at yourself . . .

The saying goes, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at?”
I laugh at the fact the sex business is a multi-billion dollar industry, but yet nearly every man lies whenever a woman asks, “Have you ever been with a prostitute?” or “Have you ever paid for sex?”
(Sorry guys, but you know it’s the truth)

When I was somewhere around the age of 20, a friend of mine told me about a happy accident he had in the back room of a small nail salon. I call this a happy accident instead of a happy ending because Continue reading

A Cold Night In Hell

I could tell by the look in this man’s eyes that he and I were on the same mission. He had dark black skin and deep black eyes, which were electrified and wired open. The man was jittery and spoke quickly through his clenched teeth. This man was clearly a stranger, but on streets like this one, strangers like him are all too familiar.

It was cold and the hour was late. I had Continue reading

At first

Before moving onward, I must first admit that I was far from a believer of any sort. In all sincerity, I found myself where I was as a result of my choices. In basic street terms, I copped a plea and took the easier choice. Instead of time behind bars, I chose a long-term treatment plan at an inpatient drug and alcohol facility. I was young, scrawny, sick, and petrified of my own shadow. My nerves were somewhat twitchy. I was foggy in mind, body and soul.

Upon entering my first interview with a Continue reading