It is morning in purgatory. . .
It’s strange to realize where we are sometimes. The way things are and the way things have been have certainly changed throughout the years. Life is different now. Then again, this is not to say life won’t be different in say, two years or maybe less. All I know is the world I believed in is less than what I had hoped it would be. We’ve gone crazy down here. All of us.
There is always someone coming around to claim some new cure. And we listen too. We hope. We think and we wonder. We talk to one another about things like, “Say? What would it be like if we could just push a button and have all of this craziness just go away?”
Just the push of a button and everything that hurt would be healed. No pain. No procedure. No process or recovery. Just relief. Could you imagine?
Nothing is ever going to wait.
You know this, right? The saying “Time waits for no one,” is true.
Time doesn’t wait for anyone. At least, not in this lifetime.
Time moves and someday, the sapling we see will someday become a tree, tall enough to shade the grounds that you and I used to walk on. Eventually, all of this will be a memory. Even if we are stuck, like say, stuck in the past for example; or say, if we ourselves are caught in the snags of something either said or unsaid, either way, the morning will still change to become noon. Before we know it, noon becomes sunset. Then twilight becomes nighttime until morning comes again.
I don’t know where people go when they leave. For one, I don’t know where I’ll be when the future changes. I don’t know what happens with people after they lose touch or have a falling out. I only know about what happens to us, or should I say me. I know that the rest of your life is right there. Everything is in front of you. The choice is yours, who stays, who goes and all the options in-between are right there and yours for the taking.
I am four days and a wake-up away from something I call my anniversary. And as for this or to those who don’t know, I am four days away from acknowledging a specific date. I am 30 years away from a night that nearly killed me as well as possibly someone else. I am 30 years away from my last binge and 30 years away from a night of breaking in through the windows of a few suburban homes.
I say four days and a wake-up for a reason. I say it this way because of the roll call I had to answer for. I had to answer for this, each morning at a facility in a place up at a town called Kerhonkson, New York.
Little kids . . .
Bless them. Bless their little lives and their little smiles. Let them run. Let them play. Bless their thoughtful little lives and bless their lessons to take turns and share. Learn from them. Don’t scold them. Don’t change them either. Let them be this way, young and innocent. Beautiful as ever.
Let them laugh. Let them pretend. Let them dream because a day will come when pretending and playing is frowned upon. Playtime will be over before they know it. And yet, they don’t even know it. Time moves very quickly. So, let them be as they are because a time will come and their childhood will be over. And that’s it. It’s adult time. So again, I say bless them. Bless them for exactly what they are, just kids.
There was a dull orange glow on a rocky ledge in the darkness of the surrounding woods. My elevation was high enough that I could look down at the world. I was high enough to see things from a different point of view. The sky was covered in stars that night. The moon was full and all else was quiet. I swear, it is amazing what we hear when there is no noise. It is amazing what we hear when there is nothing in the background, except for the voice of our thoughts.
The world is such a big place. And we are small. Really small. We are less than a glimpse. Our connection with time is lengthy, yet, our time in the grand scheme of time is quicker than a flashing light. There are so many things that happen at once. There are too many ideas that come at one time and more often than not, there’s a lot more riding on each and every moment.
It’s been a while. Life has changed as we know it, which means our in-person dialogues are all done from a remote location.
I had a chance to see them last night. I saw their eyes and the looks on their faces. They are the students. They are the future hopefuls. They are the up and coming generation of new professionals, just waiting to knock on the door of a new horizon. I see them and I want to show them one simple truth. I want them to understand.
In fairness, I am more a fan of in-person lectures. I am more interested in seeing people on a face-to-face basis than doing so from a remote location. However, due to circumstances beyond our control, life has changed the way we interact. Therefore, this has changed the way I interact with a classroom. I need to see them think and feel. I want to watch their faces change with emotion. I want them to know one thing, which is that it’s absolutely perfect to be real, to be true, to be yourself. I want them all to know that regardless of whatever quirks or insecurities that come to mind, we are all equipped and capable.
Please note that this is written with a heavy heart. I am sad to say the least. I am frustrated and frightened about what I see. However, I am a firm believer that our surroundings are contagious. The climate we share and the landscapes, the mood and the arguments we hear are absolutely infectious. What I mean is it is really easy to catch crazy. It’s easy to catch the madness and become swept away by public opinion.
The world really is an impactful place. And we hear the news on a daily basis.
We hear it all. We hear about the arguments over hate crimes. We hear the reports, like the ones from yesterday.
So sad . . .
A gunman openly fired and killed ten people in Boulder, Colorado. And next will be the analysis over what happened and why. Next will be the connection to a shooting that happened a week ago in Georgia. Next will be the blame and the finger pointing to find responsibility.
Dreams change. I know this is true. I know that my dreams from ten years ago are much different from my dreams that I have now. I know that my plans have changed. My intentions have changed too. Or, is that I have become more focused? Maybe I’ve matured. Maybe I’ve learned a trick or two. Perhaps the answer is that life has changed; therefore, my experience has changed and as a result, my visions have changed.
In fairness though, my vision is still to find the ultimate answer. I want to know more about my purpose. I want to understand my reason for living. I want to know more about my “why?”
Yet, I have grown. I have matured. I have learned and I have reached different levels of awareness. I have seen that life changes without warning. I have learned that my expectations are not always met. Plans fall apart. People change their roles in our life. Goodbyes can suck and separations can be painful but sometimes, changes are necessary. It was hard for me to understand this but with the exception of our past, nothing in life is a permanent thing.