There is a story from my past which I am not too sure how the details go. However, for this entry I will do my best to be as true to the story as I can be.
The story takes place in a typical suburban neighborhood on Long Island where a young man looked to gain his reputation as an all-out gangster.
For this entry, I think we are going to call him Kenny. Just to be clear, this was not his name and to be even more clear, names, places and tiny details of this story will be altered to protect the less-than innocent.
Monthly Archives: December 2022
Answer the Question – Time Served
I suppose I wasn’t sure what to expect. This is the thought that came to me when it was early and my schedule had changed. My Sunday morning routine was altered by one special cause.
Rather than wake up and journal before heading over to the homeless shelter, I had to make an hour-long stop at a new place to begin a new program.
I took this on as a challenge. I also took this on because I knew the attendees would be harder and tougher to speak with and I also knew that whether I spoke with 100 people or 1,000, the only goal I had was to at least reach one person.
My aim was to make people think and question their choices as well as their assumptions, Meanwhile, the people who would be in attendance would be as hard as the bars that kept them inside of their pod-style living.
Answer the Question – Understanding a Teenage Joyride
In the case of me vs the world or wait, better yet, as it is in the case of most kids when faced with a letter that came home from school, or in answer to the main question which is the question I will be answering throughout this journal; oftentimes, there was an obvious answer to the question of “What the hell were you thinking?”
I am going to explain more ways to diagram our thoughts, feelings and emotions. But first, this begins with the need to understand them.
I understand that parts of my story are either harsh or raw. My apologies if this is uneasy for you.
My intention is not to be harsh or intense; instead, I use my stories as a graphic narrative to accentuate the details of emotion and understanding. For the faint of heart, sorry but you either brought the wrong book or you backed the wrong pony. As for the critics . . .
Answer the Question – The Watch Situation
Here’s a little introduction to a journal that will be based on the ever-popular question known as: What the hell were you thinking?
The answers to this will range from “I don’t know” to, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Now, in all fairness, I am certainly not the first person to journal about this. I definitely won’t be the last. However, I will be writing about this common question. This comes from a question that I asked in the closing of my last journal.
What the hell was I thinking?
A Random Christmas Ramble, I know
Before we go forward, this is not about religion.
This might not be for everyone. However, this is written for those who find themselves “out there” and without any hope.
This is a little piece about hope and salvation but not the typical kind.
This is about redemption and forgiveness and the doubt that forgiveness could ever be possible.
A Witness Though the Window – Entry 35
I will leave this here and let this be enough for now. I will leave this with you as my witness and say that yes, there are things I wish I could see again. There are times I wish I could relive. If it were possible, there are memories that I wish I could change or readjust.
There are remnants from my past that are unresolved yet I have created a system of living and programs for my future because these are the steps I take to resolve the remnants of my past.
I am like you, a work in progress. I have a history and a present. If I learn to use both of them wisely, I have the ability to create a better future for myself. That’s what this is about. This is why I am up early, every day. This is why I work the hours I work. This is why I’ve tried to develop as a person and as a professional. This is it.
This is my purpose.
A Witness Through the Window – Entry 34
I know that I mentioned a few things about a bus ride in my previous entries. One bus ride in particular was a trip back home when The Old Man was dying.
I remember how cold it was yet the bus was warm. Maybe the bus was too warm but for the time being, it was perfect enough to let me lean back and absorb what was on my plate.
But there’s another bus too. This bus ride is equally as important to me and impactful. I’ve never been on this bus before and hopefully this isn’t a trip that I’ll have to take anytime soon.
By the way, this is Robbie’s bus.
In case you forgot, Robbie was my cousin who passed away when I was in my mid-20’s. Robbie was much older than me. He was sick with cancer of the liver; moreover, Robbie was toughing it out in a hospital bed at the V. A. hospital in the Bronx.
A Witness Through the Window – Entry 33
Today is a special day . . .
It was 33 years ago when I stepped onto a bus out of Monticello, New York. I was young and scared. The ride was long and strange. It was Christmas Eve and the sky was gray. I chose to take a window seat on a mainly empty bus. My heart was heavy and my head was full.
I watched the scenery change. The sky was gray and there was snow on the ground. It was a white Christmas, which is otherwise known as a miracle for some.
I sat with my forehead against the plexiglass window. I was numb and at the same time, I could feel everything. I could feel the pain and I could understand the severity of the moment. But there was something that wasn’t real. How could this be real?
How could anything be real when it comes to life or death?
A Witness Through the Window – Entry 32
Suddenly, I am on a trip and, to put this simply, I am only a passenger.
But wait, let me explain.
There are choices to make like which train to go on? Do I take the train on the left or right?
Either way, both trains head to the same destination.
Both trains depart at the same time and move at the exact same speed and in spite of all of their cosmic similarities; the two trains are separate, Both trains come with their own unique experience.
Again, the question is which train do you choose? Do you go right or left?
Try to picture this if you can.
A Witness Through the Window – Entry 31
I want to take you now to an actual view of real life. This is not just my view or my life; but more, this is a view that will help translate and explain what it’s like to live with a certain mindset. Here take this.
It’s an envelope. Inside are the contents of the mind which you’ll understand more as we go along.
I offer this message as an explanation yet I offer this view as a means of expression. This is not just for me at all. No, this is also for those who either will not or cannot explain themselves.
Either way, here it goes.
The Written Addiction 