And then the alarm goes ring . . .
It’s time to get up. The sun is about to push into the sky like a bright orange yolk in the palm of the horizon. It’s cold though.
There will be no warmth today.
At least not from the sun.
It is safe to say that I have met some unkind people. It is safe to say that we see this all the time too. We definitely see this on the 5 o’clock news. We see this at work too. We see people who lead through intimidation or people who speak with sarcasm.
We see people who laugh at someone else’s expense and, yes, everyone knows a bully or two – or maybe even three or four. If we’re being honest, it’s safe to say that we see mean people do mean things all the time. Better yet, we’ve somewhat become numb to the fact that mean things happen all the time.
It’s just part of life, right?
I know that we’ve all grown. And hell, it’s been years since we’ve been young or on the prowl. Though we are not so young anymore, there is still a piece of us who has yet to grow. There is a part of our spirit which has yet to fully transition into the person we’re supposed to be. It’s never over – until it’s over.
Well, this is me now. I am often at an impasse of sorts, still working and still hoping like I did when I was young. I’m still maneuvering and looking to find my position beneath the sun. I am still youthful yet there is a part of me who is begging to get out. There’s a piece of me that wants to jump from this cocoon or so it seems. Then I can be free and clear to walk and think or to enjoy the rest of the world without a blemish or mark; as in stigma, or as in the trained assumptions and the biases that we so freely distribute to each other –
Just wondering . . .
How old were you when you realized how important it is to enjoy your life?
It’s a simple question really. So, when was it?
When was it that you came to the understanding that your happiness is important? Or even better, has this happened yet?
Has it happened that you realized how often we fight about wasteful ideas? Or, should I ask when was it that your eyes opened up long enough to see your reality, to know that this is life and since this is life or whether we understand this or not, at what point have you come to know that this is you? This is your life.
When was it?
Or wait, has this happened yet?
The truth is that at the end of the day, there is only one face looking at you in your reflection. This is you; all day, every day. You are the start and finish and as I’ve always said, you are always the square root to your own equation.
No one else is and to be clear, I have been on one side or the other of this table.
To be or not to be is certainly the question. To be happy or to be free of “self” or to be rid of the nonsense that swirls in our head is certainly the aim. Or better yet and in the simplest most basic terms, to feel better or to find a sense of inner peace and be balanced is definitely the goal. But how?
I can say that I have known a lot of people in my life. I’ve met different people in all kinds of crazy places from institutions, to corporations, to lock-ups, to homeless shelters, treatment facilities and from random coincidences to a more universally intended purpose. It’s safe to say that I have met the best of the best, even if they came from the worst of the worst. I can say that I have met people who endured unthinkable backgrounds yet somehow they were able to overcome themselves. They were able to overcome their circumstances. They overcame their life and their limitations. I have met those who came from “nothing” and grew into “something” incredible. If I’m being honest, they are incredible to me.
Someone talked about stigma the other day.
I shake my head when this comes up –
I remember someone telling me about my tattoos and how this brands me. I was told what this does to my appearance to which I said, at least you can see who I am.
You can’t always say this about the plain skinned or the people who hide in plain sight.
I hear people talking about the City and how she’s changed. I keep thinking to myself that maybe it’s us who have changed. Maybe it’s us who have forgotten to take care of the streets or how to clean up after ourselves. So, in fairness, maybe it’s not the City at all.
Maybe it’s us.
I keep hearing about the problems with our sanitation and the problems with the homeless and how the City has lost its way because of crime. But again, I don’t see this as a problem of the City. I see this as a problem of the people. I see this as a reminder that we have forgotten what it means to show the pride of ownership. I see this as symptomatic errors that result from real problems.
It is another morning in August, the ninth, I believe.
Well, here I am world.
Here we are in the northern hemisphere, rounding the orbit where Earth begins to tilt away from the sun. The hours of sunlight will become shorter and soon enough the winds will become cooler and even sooner, this year will become last and next year will be another spin around the sun.
I was thinking about the childish games we play, like social chess or interpersonal checkers. I think it would be just as well if we admitted to all of this. Or, maybe it’s more fun if we went back to a simpler time – like say, maybe we can play a game of marbles – or maybe we can shoot for it or play rock, paper scissors or something like that.
Do you remember your early 20’s? Or, maybe you’re in them now. Or, maybe not. Maybe your 20’s were not your glory years or maybe you’ve moved so far away that you forgot what this was like.
Do you remember the nights you went out with your friends? What about the wild nights?
Did you have them?
I had plenty of them.
I go back to them and sift through old memories of nostalgia, especially now when the summer is nearly over. I go back to these times when the summer is near the end and soon enough, September rolls around and the summer is gone.
(Just like that!)
I think about the nights on the water and the places we gathered. I think about the songs which seemed to intentionally play at the same time every night. This meant things were about to get going. This meant the night was about to get hot and pick up speed, which it did.