There was a little old boat in the rear, left corner of my backyard. The boat was aluminum, small with two bench seats across the beam, and while my memory of this is equally as small, I remember tiny glimpses of the little old boat.
I remember me, sitting in the boat with a life preserver that was perhaps bigger than my entire body. This is my first memory of her. We were fishing someplace near City Island.
I somehow caught a little starfish, if I’m not mistaken. This was before we moved out to The Island and away from my birthplace in Queens.
Where does anything begin?
Where do we start? You, me, and the rest of the world, we all start from somewhere, which is obvious to all of us, but when it comes to personal and transformational change, the question remains.
Where do we begin?
morning . . .
You wake up
and there’s just nothing
nothing, and this has nothing to do with a place to live or money
I look at where I was in the beginning and I come to the same sentiment as I did back then. In whichever way possible and by any means necessary, I made a commitment to myself to create and recreate me on a daily basis for the rest of my life.
I have to want to improve in order for me to be better. I have to see where I am in an honest perspective.
There are times when even the strongest denial cannot blind the eyes to the obvious. In my case, I knew there was a need for change.
Is it really possible for someone to change?
I remember seeing a picture of a kid. He was holding a stick in his right hand that ran over his shoulder, and at the end of the stick, the kid tied a sack to it with all of his things inside.
He was running away.
Remember running away? I do. I used to run away all the time. I would stay gone for a while but I would eventually come home.
I have no idea where I will end up in the later years of my life. The one thing I learned is life changes and life can change quickly and unexpectedly.
I change. You change.
People change and so do the landscapes of the places we used to know when we were younger. Life fades and so can memory, unless we nurture them.
I go back to that word again. I go back to the word “Friends” and think to myself, what is this?
What is a friend?
What is friendship?
What is the
relationship between others and me?
Is this friendship?
Is everyone that says they’re a friend, really a friend, or is this just a contract, or is friendship nothing more than a social construct, or a notion based upon a semi-emotional agreement, or is it an idea, or better yet, is this just an invention between people?