What do you miss the most? I ask this because if you miss something or if you miss anything, then there has to be a reason and regardless of what the reason is, what do you miss and what do you miss the most?
I will say there is bravery in our decisions to stand up and walk away.
There is bravery to face the unknown and even if we chose to stay someplace and not take the risk and venture outwards or onwards, it take courage to make a decision, —even if that decision appears weak or cowardly; it is a brave thing to face the pains that come with “more of the same.”
I know this because I have gone backwards more times than I dared to move on or go forward. I know what fear is. And it’s a brave thing, even when we seem like cowards or hypocrites because self-awareness is unavoidable and the more tiresome part of this is no matter how fast we run or where we go or hide; there is no place you and hide and there is no way for you to run fast enough because no matter where you go; there you are.
So, if I ask again and dare I risk the boredom and repeat myself and when I ask what do you miss or what do you miss the most, I wonder if your answers are relatable or similar to mine.
Then again, our ships are different and the journeys are not the same and thus; in the case that we did not walk away from the same thing, then maybe we walked away for the same reasons.
What do I miss?
I miss being misled by the lies which were pretty to say the least. I miss the easiness of a belief that was obviously untrue and I miss the bliss of silly ignorance.
It was perfect.
Almost . . .
I miss the belief system that I had before my moments of awareness became too obvious to ignore.
I miss the simplicity of belonging to someone or belonging to something; and even if what I believed was wrong or untrue, I miss the comforts I had.
I miss being blinded by an amazing happiness to which, yes, I knew that something was coming. I knew that life comes with a certain eventuality and that obviously, the temporariness of dishonesties were both internal and external. I knew that the lies would eventually face the courts—and thus; I knew the truth would eventually come out.
And so, I would be exposed and so would the shared lies that went between me and them.
And I say them because when life is lived both dishonestly and blindly, eventually, the light shines on the truth.
Eventually, you find yourself cornered and yes, eventually, the truth comes to find the light.
Or maybe this is the light comes to find the truth and hence, the shade and the darkness is uncovered and you find yourself in a worse predicament than ever before.
I understand why they say ignorance is bliss and for the record, this is not to say that every dishonesty was a lie.
And no, I was not honest but the honesty in my heart was both unfair, unbearable and in all fairness; I knew that my truths were undeniable.
This is what happens when we fail to play the game straight and even if you cheat with someone and their cheating is a partnership with yours; the dishonesty and the impurity does not go away.
Years ago, there was a song which sang out, “Never trust a big butt and a smile,” but ah, some big buts and some smiles are more blinding than the brilliance from sunlight. And sometimes, regardless of right and wrong, the heart goes where the heart goes.
I will never tell anyone not to love who you love.
No. That would be ridiculous.
No.
Love them.
Love them perfectly.
Love them truly and honestly and even if this sounds sick to you; I want you to love this person the same as the trees love the wind or the Earth loves and needs the rain.
I will offer this—
Life changes.
Love evolves and therefore, it is up to us to evolve too.
Love is both living and breathing and therefore, no.
Love cannot thrive or survive in a vacuum.
Except for true love. I say this because true love is beyond the limitations of human living.
If you have the need or the drive or the desire; then go, be, do, and run towards your dreams.
If you love someone and you love them with everything to the point that their absence leaves a sickness in your heart, then do not fail this.
Do not regret this. Or better, do not leave room or allow the chance for the regret machine to run you over and crush your guts beneath its tires—
Never give up, never let go, and never give way because if you are in love; and dare I say if you are truly in love, then there is no other alternative.
Entertaining someone else is an eventual cruelty and dishonesty because no matter how we dance or how good the temporariness feels, —if your heart belongs to someone else, then your heart belongs to them.
And even if you no longer belong to them or if you belong to no one, being untrue to your heart and settling with someone else is both a disgusting lie and an eventual or painful unfairness because the person you choose to use as a substitution will always and only be a substitute.
True love.
there is no substitution
I’m not going anywhere.
I will never substitute or compromise or negotiate myself or my truth.
And what others do, think, or say about this or me is none of my business. I have one goal now.
And only one goal.
The rest of what goes on is unimportant to me.
I heard the wind might pick up today,
Maybe this will open the sails and send my ship closer to shore. But until then, I will be here, at sea because to me; any port in the storm is just a port in the storm
And I’m not looki9ng for just another port in the storm.
I’m looking to find my way
Home . . .
The Written Addiction 