The Book of Chaos: Battle Wounds

I was listening to a soldier
talk about an operation of violence.
And yes, this was violent to the core.
At the same time;
this is war and hence violence
is nothing more than a necessary evil
. . . just to survive.

I heard the soldier talk about the action,
the reason,
and victory of rage
which he also admitted to a celebration
of events
that the people in our society
are not ready for
nor are they tolerant of; however,
this is what it takes
to win a war.

Be advised,
this isn’t a tickling contest.
There’s no prize for second place either.

War is hell.
Of course it is, yet,
we find ourselves in constant battles
both abroad and domestic,
at work and at home.

I thought about this,
I thought about the history of war
and the so-called great wars or the cold ones
or the world ones to which, the only way to win
was through a means to total annihilation
or better yet, victory was achieved
by imposing a brutal form of devastation.

For example, the soldier explained that
when World War II came to an end,
it started with one bomb.
Are you ready to surrender?
No?
And down came the second bomb.
What about now?
We surrender . . .

Life is not so much different.
Devastation comes in different disguises
and lies, or in broken dreams
or shattered hopes.

If we think about the bombing
that took place throughout Europe,
or if we think about the devastation
it took to overcome the enemy—or when it comes
to an all-out war, there is no tie.
There is only win or lose, in which case,
like I have been told before—there really is no winner
in any war.
There’s just one side who suffered less
and perhaps they walked away with more,
but war is felt by all sides.

I think about the word tolerance,
as in our tolerance for what needs to happen,
in order to advance,
so we don’t have to retreat.

I think about the wars between people
and the wars within our head
and the tolerance or the discipline
or the process it takes to win or, if at all,
how do we become the side that takes less damage
or how do we become the soldier who overcomes
and adapts?

And to you, my old friend, Chaos,
I wonder about the tolerance
or the discipline it takes to overcome
your confusion.
or I wonder how to get away from you,
my old friend Chaos.
How does one plan to stand up,
or to stand their ground and stay firm,
without giving in
or going back to the old ways
that kept the war alive?

I have seen enough damage and yes,
I have experienced battles of my own.
My fatigue and weakness
are my downfalls
as well as my demise yet,
my ability to withstand
and my ability to endure
is and always will be
my best means of survival.

But this isn’t war,
at least not anymore.
No, this is only another day in the life.
This is a moment where changes take place,
and chapters switch from one to the next.

This is where we find ourselves
on a new path, which is facing a new direction,
or going off in separate ways, or,
one could say this is all just a big correction
and fate has a way of stepping in
to out us where we’re supposed to be.

We can either accept the damages
and the losses and learn from them,
or we can walk around
and lick our wounds
to keep them wet
or keep them raw,
so they’ll never heal.

I have experienced the journey
of a thousand foot soldiers
that run through my mind
and each soldier has seen their own war;
each with mud or rocks and earth in their boots
and each hand is covered with battle stains on their fingers.

I suppose that being a warrior
makes it hard to understand
what moments of peace are like—but
war is war and war is costly.
I don’t know if all is fair.
But, at some point,
one has to come to the understanding
that maybe we’ve paid enough,
or that the objective is no longer possible so . . .
. . . rather than keep the fight
or sustain more damages,
or reopen the wounds,
which seem to always bleed,
we can surrender to win,
we can walk away
and cut our losses
to keep from losing anymore.

It’s hard for the soldier
to know who they are
when the battles are done.  
Perhaps this is because they had to tolerate
the intolerable.

And who am I,
now that I am no longer who I was
or who I thought
I was going to be?

And so, to you, dear Chaos,
how will it be today? War or peace?
A fair fight or dirty and underhanded?
Or for the moment,
we can enjoy the silence
and let the morning go on
without further damages,
or missiles to fire
while under duress—because like I was saying,
nobody really wins . . .
at least,
not when it comes to wars like this.

Perhaps we can say that either side lost enough
and neither side wants to lose more.
So?

I can’t speak for anyone else.
However, I can say that I’ve lost enough.
And I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Surrender to win.
It’s just a strategy;
it’s just understanding
that some things are unwinnable,
or unchangeable.
Or, maybe it’s like the prayer says
and surrendering is the same as
“accepting the things I cannot change,”
so that eventually,
I can find the
“courage to change the things I can. . .”