And so, what was
became what is and quickly too,
and more, this happened faster than I knew it.
Just like that, in the blink of an eye,
a temporary burden became fact
and permanent because of an unfortunate
force, which I call
the deception of my perception.
But this is where he lives.
Mr. Chaos, that is.
What was became what is,
and everything changed,
and so,
life had been altered in such a way
that I had no choice but to awaken
to the truth,
which is this — you see what you see,
and you do what you do,
which, of course, according to our perspective,
or as I was saying;
due to the deception of our perception
our intentions and our interpretations
might be in need of a sound resolve
and so,
a great change is in need or, at minimum,
it’s time to change the guards
who stand at the gates of our mind.
But this is not just about me.
No, this about me and my longstanding relationship
with my good old friend, Mr. Chaos
and too, this includes
the internal narrative which
can either take us in a better direction,
or can lead us astray—and like I said,
this is all a matter of perspective,
or interpretation,
and the direction of our intention
which, of course and if we’re being honest about this,
we find ourselves caught in the crux
or the crosshairs of a focus bias.
We see what we see, clearly or inaccurately,
or otherwise, the deception of our perception
devises plans to protect us
from the assumed damage,
which comes from a problem
that didn’t take place
yet . . .
This is where Mr. Chaos comes in.
Always
This is where thinking errors
and the inaccuracies of mental distractions
come along and disable our best abilities
that would allow us to either rise above,
achieve, succeed, or to perform
at an improving potential, progressively growing
and getting better or, worse
and next, we sink, and we
drown in the imaginary shallows
of our own emotional quicksand.
It’s like dying alive
or watching ourselves fall
in slow motion.
it’s a bitch,
I tell you.
Chaos . . .
And so what was
and so what we saw or what we focused on
became our truth,
and then the spirit of our limitations
became our personal disability which, in turn,
our predicted assumptions of loss
or being unfairly mismatched, or the focus
on our inabilities or weaknesses,
or the ideas that we are somehow
out of place, or in the grand scheme
when we are stuck in the thoughts
that our bias and the unfair notions
are all true
and that the defined or the assumed limitations,
prevent us from growing or improving;
or even at the simplest levels, this is the thinking
that prevents us from improving.
Our thinking keeps us stuck
and prevents us from earning a stripe on our belts
or to reach the next levels of say,
performance or progression, and hence
we succumb to the untender mercies
of an ongoing persecution
which takes place in the mind
This conducts like a meeting in a war room,
in that lump we call our brain,
which is about a foot, or so, above our hearts;
yet, in the grand scheme,
all of this is beneath the truest measure
of our soul’s right to improve or achieve.
All of this is a small detail beneath
our right to succeed, or to navigate onto a new plan
and to dictate or create a new destination.
This is the drive to spark the pivot in our mind,
which is no differently essential than say,
the pivot or the adjustment of our hips,
when we are looking to offset the balance
of the weight which lays upon us.
This is our mind’s right
to improve our leverage.
What is and was
can go from being a temporary dilemma
to a more permanent crisis, if we allow it,
or what “was” can become what “is”
and what “is”
can become an assumed reality
that is easily dictated by none other than yes,
you guessed it
my old friend and yours, Mr. Chaos, himself.
I have been at war for years now,
and the war has been with both me
and the world around me and yes,
the artillery
and mental weapons of either self,
or mass-destruction
have both crippled me
and left me with unseeable scars
and open wounds that are both tender
and raw to the touch.
I have seen this (and you, Mr. Chaos)
work from a position of advantage
which allowed me to assume that I, myself
“was” and would always be at a disadvantage,
or that I am only weak, at best
or weaker and due to the limitations of my assumptions,
it would therefore be impossible
for me to see a glimpse of hope
or a path to get away from the crazy ideas of say,
my emotional claustrophobia,
which is the world closing in on me.
This is not paranoia, per se,
however, this is a symptom
due to the deception of my perception
and hence, I see nothing but problems
that only multiply and increase, over and over,
or repeatedly, and hence—it was you, all along.
It was you who become me
and it was me who allowed you
to open the door to the rush of different fears
or the concerns of various weaknesses,
such as my bouts with shame,
or the vulnerable ideas which propose
that somehow,
my imperfections are far too weighty
or that my attributes and credits were never enough
to cover the losses of my debts
or my failures.
A long time ago, in a lifetime
which still seems so far away,
I was told that the devil knows me
better than I know myself.
I agree . . .
this is how he cheats
or how he tricks me into believing
that my biases are real, and more,
it is tricks like this which alter my ability
and discolor my assumptions to a muted,
or less-vibrant passion
and brings my spirit to a weaker substance, and hence,
I find myself in the mental war rooms
constantly in a state of attack
or seeking reparations
from all the battles
that never actually happened.
It’s time to change
and to accept “what is”
and also, there is no shame
when we choose to surrender
as long as we choose to surrender
to win.
(Think about that for a second)
Stop the fight
cut off the enemy
by allowing ourselves
to realize that the battle
is only an assumption,
for the most part.
So, this is to you, Mr. Chaos.
This is to the lies which were fed to me,
which were fed to me by you,
and this is to the amplified inaccuracies
that were forced upon me by unfriendly souls,
so I assumed them all as my truths.
This is to the deception of my perception
and to the internal ridicule
and this is to the unfair or unkind people
who I allowed in my life
or to those who left me at the untender mercies
of my own worst fears.
This is to you, Chaos.
This is about my limitations
and like the saying goes,
which is a quote that comes
from Karen Lamb and says,
“A year from now,
you’ll have wished you started today.”
And so, today seems like a good day
to say hello to the rest of my life.
And should this take place,
or should we allow ourselves
the right to get out of own way
and stand in the face of adversity,
or should we choose to defy the odds
or to defy our own limitations,
or should we make the choice to stand up,
or to be counted, or should we look within ourselves
to reverse our position
and take over from here
instead of allowing the basic insanities of Chaos, himself,
or lastly, should we choose
to change the guards
so that what “is” becomes what “was,”
and ahead of us is a new future,
then suddenly,
the size of old Chaos shrivels
and shrinks to the size
and the strength of an infant.
(if that)
It’s time now, to get out of our own way,
or to change our perspective,
and now, as in right now,
now it’s time to improve our intentions
as well as update our interpretations because,
and to put this in the easiest terms
or in the simplest math,
our battles within are both costly
and unnecessarily expensive.
So, what “was” became what “is,”
and in this case
the cost of our losses can become like a bottomless pit,
especially if we allow this to happen—or,
if our old friend Chaos gets his way,
our mind can be consumed
by emotional claustrophobia or hence,
we can sink and drown in the shallows
of that old faithful, emotional quicksand,
or, if we choose,
we can change our perspective
and change our position, and change our stance,
or advance
or gain momentum
and look to improve,
both personally and professionally,
but only by moving both
persistently and consistently,
one day at a time.
Inspiration . . .
it’s out there and all around us.
Depending upon our perspective,
our new friend Mr. Inspiration
has always been an enemy
to our old friend Mr. Chaos.
It’s time to make that switch.
It’s time to change the guards.
Good morning, Mr. Inspiration.
Please accept me and my humble imperfections,
and show me the way, if you please.
The hour is later than we think,
and I have a limited amount of time
to pull off my trick . . .
but something tells me that if I go along with you,
I have a shot.
Please . . .
just show me the way.
I promise to give you everything I have
and with all that I can,
I swear to stay out of my own way.
Oh yeah, and lastly . . .
Fuck you, Chaos.
It’s time for me
to make the change.
The Written Addiction 