I Have Found (It!) – Entry Nineteen

Before we go any further, it should be clear to us all that compulsion or obsession has nothing to do with logic or sanity. Or, in many cases, the compulsion or the obsession itself is known about.
This is not a secret. Whether this is about food or about sex or about a drug or drinking, shopping working, or so on, upon ignition, the action meets a need and albeit brief, the action satisfies the compulsion, which often leads to a crash or hangover. Or better yet, this leads to moments of degradation, which sanity would suggest, “Stop doing it!” But the compulsion to feel better or to find that moment of euphoria is stronger than logic.

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Seventeen

There is no real mystery as to why we feel stress or why life can be hard. We all know that life is hard. Perhaps this is not so on all occasions, but for a majority of people, life is hard. This has nothing to do with wealth or with fame. This has nothing to do with looks or fashion, nor does this have anything to do with power, because if wealth or power could buy happiness, then there would be no such thing as miserable millionaires.

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Sixteen

And it’s true. There are days that cannot end soon enough. It is also true that there are times that you want to break out of the continuous feeling of something’s gone wrong; yet, we still have a race to run. We still have life in front of us and somehow, somewhere, probably deep down, we have to find whatever it takes to get up and get moving. 

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Fifteen

I had been in search for the obvious for way too long. It was clear that something was missing in my life. However, it was unclear that everything I had ever been looking for was always right there; right in front of my face.
All the facts were there. Everything was obvious but not to me. No, I was caught up in the cognitive distortions of who I was and who I wanted to be.
Now, I say this because the odds are, no one ever picks on the captain of the football team. No one ever bullies the toughest kid in the school. No one messes with the crazy kids and no one picks on the socially desirable. 
Everyone loves the head cheerleader. We celebrate the wealthy and we exploit the beautiful to a cheaper value. But still, attention in the smallest degree is like gold, especially when we are starved for it.

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I have Found (It!) – Entry Fourteen

This entry will be a little different from the others. Or, more accurately, this entry will be a little more sentimental than the other entries. Either way, what I am about to report to you is what I have found, which helps me keep my love alive. This helps me keep my hope that wherever they are, they can see me in a good light and that of course; they’ll be proud.
Who do mean, you ask?
Well, I guess I should get to it and make myself clear. . .

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Thirteen

The fact of the matter is once you know; now you know. It’s not like we can plead ignorance anymore. It’s not like you can go along, acting the same or doing the same things.
This is why most people refuse to explore and understand themselves. This is why people shy away from the truth or avoid being exposed to the light because the fact is, it’s easier to hide in darkness.

Again, once you know, now you know. You’ve opened your eyes long enough to see the truth – and now there’s nowhere to turn. There’s no way to hide from yourself. You’re accountable now, which means you’re responsible for what happens next.

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Twelve

If it is true that our mind and our thinking is a compilation of memories and events that are connected to opinions and emotions, then it would also be true that our thinking is derived from a series of our past which means we can also become a product of our past. If this is true, this would be where our biases come from. This is where our projections and our assumptions come from; moreover, this is where our judgments come from and where our subconscious programs begin. 

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Eleven

There was a long uphill trail that began with a simple incline before it turned upwards. There was me, of course, and there was a longtime friend of mine who had been hiking for several years. Me, well, I was quite heavy at the time. I was overweight and unaware of myself or who I had become. I was caught in the confines of a life that became average. I never thought much about my future. I never looked forward to my next project at work.
At the time, my life became a routine. I ate. I worked. I slept. And then I ate more. At best, I was north of the average body weight for my size. I was somewhat aimless and was mainly unaware that this had become me.

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I Have Found (It!) – Entry Ten

And it’s fear. That’s all. It’s a long conversation in the mind that tells about something wrong. And that’s what it is. This is us in the world, saying “who cares?” Meanwhile, we find ourselves caught in the wheels of acceptance. We find ourselves looking for a pattern or a path where we can fit and be fine.
I say this because I see no reason to deny that we often turn inward. We blame ourselves. We act first and think later. We want to understand and we want to have answers. And then finally, we come to a moment of awareness.

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