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Be Careful With The Reflection In The Mirror

I wonder . . .
Has there ever been a day or a time that stands out in your mind when you have seen your reflection in the mirror and felt good about it?

I laugh at times and think about the young man’s struggle and the games and the dating rituals and how insignificant this really is. However, at the time, I used to invest everything on the outer layers and the looks, the image, or the identity of me or the person I dated.
And unfortunately, I have to admit to my shallowness. However, and at the same time, I recognize one of my traits to which I am proud to say that yes; I can find beauty in people. 

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Be careful With The Reflection In The Mirror

When there is no one else around and the loud crowds from the bars and nightclubs and the afterhours spots and late night places are gone away, and when the Downtown and the cobblestone streets and the streetlamps give way to morning’s light; or when the subtle nirvana ends the music and there is nothing left but muddy puddles by the garbage bags over near Mercer Street, I’d start to wonder if I was missing out on the heroic loveliness of a much bigger picture.

There must be something better out here.
There has to be. And I don’t know if I knew what it was or if I knew what was missing. But I always knew something was off-center or just amiss.

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Be Careful With The Reflection In The Mirror

There was a wild afternoon from my early to mid teens, which I remember oddly and somewhat funny of course, and yet I cannot say that I remember much of what happened at all.
No, this was one of those wild afternoons that I took a few extra steps to secure with a n 8-hour trip on a substance known as Lysergic Acid Diethylamide.
Yes. This was ‘the girl,” or also known as “lucy in the skies with diamonds.”
But what the hell, right?
I was young and crazy and longhaired and fit to be tied.

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Be Careful With The Reflection in The Mirror

You hear a lot of things throughout your life.
I know this.
I know what I heard when I was young, like, say, “look both ways when you cross the street.”
This is good advice, by the way.

I agree with one of my greatest literary heroes, Robert Fulghum, and I agree with him most of all when he talked about all he needed to know, he already learned in kindergarten.
I agree that words have meaning.
I agree that it’s a good idea to always have a buddy, share, play nice, and hold hands when you are crossing the street.
These things are great things to hear and more, these things are great ideas to practice.

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Everything Fell Where It May

The one thing I know above all else is that no matter what happens, no matter how tired you might be, no matter how hard the world hits you or how hard you fall down, you have to get back up and keep swinging.
You always have to fight back as hard as you can.
You have to swing that axe and let the chips fall where they may.
I know this
And you do too.

I have seen great things. I have been to great places.
I have had good times and I have had bad times.
I have seen great things and sad things.
I have see beauty and watched the most beautiful people become as ugly as their lies.
I have been sick and I have been healthy and well enough to look around and be happy with what I have.
Yes.
This is true –

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Everything Fell Where They May

Act 3: Scene: One and done
July, 1991
I went back after being ahead
And what I mean is I lost my way and went back to being lost instead of finding my way home.
I lost it all

And you look back and you think and you wonder
You wish and you dream and you have ideas of what you could have said.
I wish I said more.
I wish I did more.
I wished I was better.
I wish I was bigger and bolder.
But I was only me.

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Everything Fell Where They May

Act 2: Scene 3
December, 1989.
Christmas Eve

I never had much of a relationship with God and nor did I ever have the words to speak with God. My younger years showed me a disconnect because to me, religion caused wars and fights and in my experience, what God you chose was more important than say, the kind of man you are or the house you lived in.
Religion caused a disconnect.
This caused arguments over which God was right and who was wrong
Plus –
I was a Jew . . .
And there was nothing cool about being a Jew. I saw hate. I saw swastikas and I was shown the hatred for my so-called chosen people.
And as for the word chosen, I never understood what this meant?
How was I chosen? And what was I chosen for?
And, if anyone were chosen or if anyone were truly chosen and loved by God, then why would there be so much hatred?

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Everything Fell Where They May

Act 2: Scene 2
December, 1989.

Exit the stage and look at the pleasant aftermath of a holiday that was well spent.
Think about this . . .
Regard the thoughts and the feelings that come with having a full belly and a happy heart after Thanksgiving dinner.
The air was growing colder in the town of Hancock, New York.
The season was underway and the mountains held the frost each morning as if to lace the trees along the mountainsides.
I can say that I had never seen a winter wonderland until I was far away from my surroundings and the so-called city life.

I was new. At least to some degree.
I was moving away from an older version of myself and yes, this was good.
Of course, this was good.

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Everything Fell Where They May

Act 2: Scene 1
November, 1989.
Everything was about to change

All the leaves on the sides of the mountains changed from green to orange and red. Most of the leaves fell in the beginning of November, but some of the remnants of autumn had yet to let go, despite the upcoming moments of winter.
It had snowed a few times.
The view was spectacular, but where I was at the time was more for a legal and therapeutic reaction to a sentenced and legal response.

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Everything Fell Where They May

Act 2: Scene 1

A new phase of life. October 1989 . . .
Late autumn, just before winter takes place.
Enter my time in the Upstate, New York mountains
Enter my moments of subtle awareness that became too painful and obvious to avoid.
Enter my moments of truth and enter the awakening that I had lived, believed, and that I surrendered and subscribed to a series of lies, deceptions, and internal dishhonesties.
Enter all of this

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