No one ever told this was going to be easy.
Remember that.
No one ever said that all smiles are friendly and at the same time, not all threats are real or true.
Remember that one too.
Everything Fell Where They May
I have been told that everything happens for a reason.
I have been told, “you’re in the right place, kid!”
I’ve been told, “Don’t quit before the miracle happens.”
And I have argued all the above.
I find myself looking for something that isn’t there.
Has this ever happened to you?
You know there’s something missing.
You know what it is and yet, you can’t give it a name or put your finger on it or say what it is.
You just know . . .
Something is missing.
Something’s just not there.
Everything Fell Where They May
I am sending this to you in parts to open myself and share the process of what comes next. And so, here I am
Send me, I say….
What else do I have left to lose?
Part 1:
The waves are folding close to the shore this morning. The sun is mostly hidden by a drape of gray clouds with open patches that allow the sun to break through.
I can feel the warmth when the drapes peel back. But that’s fine.
I guess today is not a beach day for most.
I can dig it . . .
The beach is not vacant by any means. No, not at all.
However, I assume the usual clientele are elsewhere and doing something else, which, of course, brings no consequence to me.
No.
I much prefer this moment as it is.
The beach is my sanctuary and so, this is perfect.
Everything Fell Where They May
Charles Bukowski once wrote:
Find what you love and let it kill you.
I am still not sure how I see this or what this means to me. Then again, I am unsure if I want this or anything to kill me again.
Yes, I say again.
I say I don’t want anything to kill me again because we often die in pieces. Or more than anything else; we often die alive i more cases than we think and even more; we frequently mourn the loss of our own deaths more than we experience death in a literal sense.
I know this firsthand.
Then again, and getting back to what Bukowski said:
Find what you love and let it kill you.
True love is selfless. And, so, if love is selfless than me and my life needs to be dedicated to this.
Therefore, I need to be dedicated to my love, my spirit, and my hopes and I need to dedicate my dreams for a better lifetime in both this one and the next.
Everything Fell Where They May
I have seen it. I have seen it all. Or at least, so I think I have.
I have seen everything.
I have seen the sun come out after the rain.
I have seen the sun go down and I have watched as the gray skies overtook the heavens. I have heard the calm before the storm and witnessed as they came in quickly and silently, as if to prove that something serious is about to happen.
The world is always taking place.
We know this.
I know that time cannot stop nor be rewound or interrupted.
Nothing stops the hands of time. Not life or death.
Not the blasts from a nuclear explosion.
Not the brakes on a car when the driver overestimated their safety.
Nothing stops.
Everything Fell Where They May
I have seen all kinds or people in all kinds of ways, both sick and deceived and lost, searching, waiting, and hoping that somehow the answers to their questions will either come to light or be left elsewhere and unobjectionable.
I have watched good people undergo changes and become so unrecognizable in either a more spiritual or physical sense and in the end, they died as someone else to me.
I spent too much time searching for a cure. And no.
I am not alone.
I spent what seems to be lifetimes, which have both multiplied and divided the same way terrorists divide and conquer and yes.
Yes, of course.
I have been looking for an answer to understand a slow and steady emptiness.
I have been looking to understand the inferior excuses that changes the dynamic for an otherwise divided mind.
Why?
Everything Fell Where They May
inspired by an old friend from an old life
You have to pay attention to the task at hand. Get up, keep going, run into yourself at the front door and yes, there are times when it seems like the candle is burning at both ends.
And so, the burn out seems to be inevitable.
The sober life is my only life.
Yet, I do not question this and nor do I function in the circles where criminals swerve to intercept the light and change what we see –
to suit their needs
Early morning. Rise and shine.
I wake up and wash my face.
I wipe the sleep from my eyes and try to prepare myself for another day in this so-called life of mine.
Everything Fell Where They May
And looking up from the bottom always makes reaching for the top seem impossible..
At the bottom, the top look so high and so far from my reach.
I know . . .
Continue readingEverything Fell Where They May
So you say you want peace, is that right?
If so, then I have a question.
What does this mean?
I ask because maybe peace is not the same to me as it is to you.
What does peace look like?
What does peace feel like?
Everything Fell Where They May
I am convinced of one thing.
The mind is the greatest obstacle. I know this.
I know this because I have lost before I started and I have quit before I’ve tried.
I am not the only one who has lost this way.
Not at all, but at the moment, I am the only one here and you are the only one with me.
Or, so I hope.
I’ve lost to a belief system and old or outdated thinking errors that cause me to believe in failure or lead me to the disbelief that I can advance and surpass my own limitations.
