Being Honest With Fiction

And here we are again. 
I guess. I find myself in full-circle and back to where I was.
I see this time of year and find myself needing to vent and needing to qualify and speak out to those who are about to embark on this journey we call life.

The summer is about to unfold too and my mind will automatically be elsewhere.
I suppose this is because I never had much of a youth or a youth that was worth speaking about.
I never had the summer vacations or the so-called times of my life after graduation. 
I never had this in my youth and now that I am grown, I realize that I delayed too often and temporary remedies became some kind of permanent solution.

I never went to a prom or saw the preparation that goes into graduation. And hell, I never took a final exam in an actual high school because school as I decided to agree that we disagreed.
And yes, I wish I agreed differently back then.
But before I digress, I want to move forward.

The summer is here and I will be thinking of places I wished I’d seen but never visited.
I wished I dared and I wished I knew how to prioritize myself.
But I was lost at the time.
I had no one to guide me or inspire me correctly
I was lost
Too lost . . .

Then again, I have no regrets that I can speak about and I say this because why bother?
Why complain?
What good would this do?

There is no rewind button and there is no going back.
There is no way to relive the life behind us and to be honest, my life in the past has always caused me to miss the details of the here and now. And yes, these were the things that affected my future.
Understand?

What is “the here and now?”
Well . . . This is life “in the moment.”
And life in the moment is a daring thing to live.

Apparently, the world is still spinning around the same sun as always.
And this has been the way things are since the dawn of creation.
At least, I think so.
I
The moon was around this morning to pull a final trick for changing its shift.
I love this . . .
I love when I see the moon is still in the sky after sunrise.
As I see it, the moon needs something nice to see before losing its position and clocking out to go to sleep.

There is nothing new that can be said.
Nothing can be said that hasn’t already been said a thousand times, again and again.
But here it goes.

Life is moving.
We know this.
A child is born.
A seed is planted.
One breath enters and another breath fades.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
This is how life cycles and moves.

I see this from the view of a man who has aged and so, I see this as a reason to speak out, if only to act as a voice of caution.

Days are shedding from the calendar like the leaves of an old tree that has outlived and outsurvived the world around it.
I used to have a friend, which I noticed every morning.
This was an old tree that lived across the street from my old house on Rowehl Drive.

Age and experience has allowed me the benefit of an understanding silence –
and I?
I nod with acknowledgement and I admit to my ignorance, which was heavy and weighty.
All I can hope and pray for is another day to see life or to live vicariously through the eyes of someone I’ve helped.
or someone like you . . .

Do not give yourself away.
Do not let your dreams die and let your spirit sink.
Keep yourself alive, by any means necessary.
Do this because dying alive is worse than death itself.
I know.

I am far more alive now after the pieces of me died, long ago.
And ah, but what about the sun?
What about today?

What about this? What about the fact that this is Thursday morning, and what about the way sunrise is gaining momentum and the day will pick up speed?
There has to be something to this.
Same as there is something about you to me.

I see you.
I view you as a beacon of hope.
You are a promise that the future holds the chance to be refreshed and life can go on living.
I see you standing with your graduating class.
I see the future is on your side.
I wish I could encourage you more but in the case that my words fall short or go unheard; then let me wish this for you.

You are going to go into a brand new world now.
You are going to meet new people.
You are going to see new things.
You are going to get hurt.
You are going to be disappointed.
You will know what it feels like to be broken and disheartened.
But –
You are going to see life.
You are going to experience losses and gains and above all, you will find love.
I promise you.
I swear this will happen but know this too –
Love is a brave responsibility so please, meet this with all that you can.

You will find your place.
You will see and hear and feel things that inspire you.
Never ignore this.
Never look away from the items you desire most

Life is happening now.
And there will always be questions.
There will always be struggles.
Like . . .
What about life’s eventual and inevitable process and how about the way life’s terms are always changing?
Nothing is more true than this.
Life is both eventual and inevitable.

What about life . ..
What about the awareness and the wherewithal it takes to get up the guts to move, go, be, and do?
What about the internal value of what it means to live your life to the best possible extreme?

No one else will answer these questions for you because no one else has “your” answer.
This is you.
All you.
All the time.

I do not want you to end up like me.
Not at all.
However, I see why I value you as much as I do.
Even if you are “not mine,” I still see why I love you.
I see why I look at you, gently, and hope that my heart reaches you when it’s needed.

I do not want to fade or lose my glimmer or cease to shine. I do not want to lose my right to live and nor can I afford to suffocate my spirit.
Please, do not go this way.
Turn around and go back.
I beg you.
I do not want to see you wake up, years later, and live in fear of all that “was” because you never dared to try for what could have been.

I did that too often.
I did this and refused myself the rights to live, love, laugh, and learn to the best of my ability.
The one thing I learned above anything else is that too many people imprison themselves and too many people become too comfortable in captivity.
Let no one keep you hostage and never settle or become someone’s property.

And so . . . this is me
I give up.
I do not surrender.
I have not (and will) not quit.

No, this is quite the opposite. 
I give up the possessions that weigh me down and hold me back.
I give up the constant fights and the arguments that serve no purpose. 

I give up my place at the tables where I should have walked away, long ago.
I do this the same as I wish this for you because years ago, I took a trade and settled on a deal that was less than what I am worth.

I give up the guilt and the shame that degraded my best interest.
I give up the internal arguments which came after trusting the wrong people.
I wish I never did this.
But I did.
I trusted the wrong people and turned my back on the right ones.
I did this too often.

I give up the lies I believed and as for the ones I told, I give them up too.
I give up the constant back and forth in my head, relitigating what took place and trying to reshape the past to make it make sense
Or hurt me less . . .

But that’s about me
And you?
You have the world at your door.
You have the right to reach for the stars.
You have the right to live your life, exactly the way you choose.
Please do this.
With all of my heart, I beg this for you.

Live your life
Do not let your life live you.

I love you forever
always
until the end of time
and even after