Answer the Question – Change Is On the Way

I know that change is a part of life. I know it. You know it.
The people who look to hide from this or avoid it, they know it too.
Everything changes. Our bodies change. Our opinions change. Our intentions change and as we grow older, our options change too.
Technology changes by the way and the moment you find that you understand a program or that you get used to a certain process, technology changes again. Once more, you have to train yourself to jump through another hoop and learn a whole new trick.

I came across an old thought of mine. This was more of a poem than anything else.
I suppose this was me at the crossroads of a dilemma and solution. Or maybe I was coming to a moment of awareness that, in fact, all things do and must change, which is a subject that different philosophers have been saying in different ways for a very long time.
Take Fredrich Nietzsche for example.
He had his philosophies on change. Then again, Nietzsche also said, “What does not kill me makes me stronger.”

I am wondering how many people hear this and think, “You know, I’d be fine to be less strong.”
I’ve heard the saying, “God only gives you what you can handle.”
I’ve also heard people respond to this and say, “Well, I wish God didn’t have so much faith in me.”

Then again, there’s another saying that’s been floating around for quite some time. Without misquoting or crediting the wrong person, I think about the saying, “Nobody cares. Work harder.”
As a matter of fact, I have a tee-shirt that says this.
I wear this because I find that we often get lost in the miscalculation of our mental mathematics.
There’s truth to all of these quotes.

Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I get that. Safe to say that I get the fact that life is life. Since this is true, tell the mortgage company you’ve been having a hard time or tell your insurance company that you can’t pay them for a while and see if they’ll keep you insured.
Tell your boss that you’re going through a mourning period and that you need your days to be a little bit easier.
Then tell them that you’ll need them to be understanding with this and that you’ll get back to them when you can pick up where you left off.
See what happens with this.

Try to build something.
Try to create something and watch it grow or fall.
This will mean more to you than to anyone else.
So, if it falls – get up. No one is going to get you back up.
No one is going to take care of you.
Well at least not on a long-term basis.
You might have someone dress your wounds for a day or two.
But in the end, your healing is your own process.
You are the only one who feels your pains and fears.
All day. Every day.

I can’t say that nobody cares. However, I can say that there are times when life is hard. I can say that life can be cold or unfair. In fact, regardless of what we are experiencing or regardless of what’s happened to us, whether this is tragedy or glory, the world still moves.

I can remember when the Old Man died . . .
My Mother told me about her thoughts the morning after.
She saw a bread truck driving passed the house in the early hours of the morning. The street lights worked. The traffic lights worked. The news went on the television. There were cars moving up and down the street.
Life kept moving.
Mom told me, “I just lost the love of my life and nothing stopped. Not for a minute.”
How could this be?

I can relate to this.

I can relate to the movement of time and how, in many cases, time can either move too fast or not fast enough. Yet, a second is only a second. However, our emotional attachment and our relation to the moment at hand is truly incredible. 
This amazes me, quite the same as people amaze me; especially people who are unaware of how much they mean to us. This is especially so with people who are unaware of their value or unaware of how truly beautiful they are – or how beautiful they make the world around them.

I think that we often lose sight of our purities and beauty. I think we mishandle our authentic natures and that we often trade in our best aspects because we don’t know how truly valuable we are.

Either way, time keeps moving. Hence, this is the reason for today’s entry,
Not just because I want to reconnect with my old or true self and not because I want to redirect myself in thought; but more, I want to understand more about my thinking by realizing the roots of my personal nature.
In short, I want to be better.
I want to be one step better than I was yesterday.
I don’t need to break any special records of change, at least not right now.
But if I can be a little better today and then keep this pace by being a little better tomorrow, even if I backslide a little, I will never be where I was again, alone, afraid and uncomfortable in my own skin.

I found this old thought of mine.
I think it would be best to share this with you here –

In time,
the autumn leaf will crumble down to the earth
and in time, this will create a new tomorrow.
This may take centuries to come, but eventually,
all that surrounds us will change
and form into new versions of life. 

In time, the landscapes will change
(and so will you)
Life will change and together
we will leave behind the remnants from our past.
This will be a mark, albeit small, but still
this is our mark
to act as proof to say that we were here.

This will age and throughout time,
our stories may fade, say like,
an old piece of driftwood that’s floated across the ocean.
Only now,
that story and the details behind the driftwood –
they lay in the imagination of those who find it
faded and washed up on an empty shore . . .
maybe this could be somewhere or anywhere
like say,
on the beach at Montauk Point. 
You can see the lighthouse and wonder
or dream
or picture the details of a ship that once sailed
across a beautiful sea.

We all have our own stories – 
We have our own features and cracks
We have flaws and fractures in our truths
We have our own façades and disguises,
which we use to dress up in or hide behind
especially when we tend to be afraid. 

In time, you will look back at the way we were.
We will reminisce and laugh
Or, maybe we’ll shake our heads in disbelief
because age has taught us the meaning of nonsense
Or could this be what they call “maturity?”
and then we’ll get it
We’ll realize that
the things that we once thought were important
have all become meaningless. 

A day will come
when you and I
will be nothing more than a remnant or a memory
(just like that piece of driftwood in Montauk).
We’ll be nothing more than a story
or if I can pull off my trick –
we’ll be an entry in a novel and maybe, who knows?
Maybe some young kid will read about us
Maybe someone will read about the time
When we sat on the beach
or when we ran through the fields
or looked upwards
to feel the sun on our face.

I think the hardest part of change is letting go.
Who would I be if I wasn’t the sum of my yesterday? 
Who would I be if I wasn’t who I thought I was? 
What would I do with myself
if I gave up the fight and learned to live
instead of quarreling?

Who would I be if I was scaled down to the core?
After the façade crumbled like the autumn leaf,
how brave would I be
if I had nothing left to hide behind
except my truth? 

Could you imagine that?  

What’s funny is I never thought about the reliefs of change
I never knew about the victory of walking away
Nor have I ever thought about the justice that comes when we stand alone for the right reasons
instead of feeling alone
and living in crowds for the wrong ones. 

This is why I’ve faced the change before
(and survived)
Am I stronger now?
Maybe.
But I could live with fewer tests.

Maybe we’ve always been this strong,
you and me.
It’s not that life pushed us around and woke us up;
no, it’s that we survived
and realized “Holy shit!”
I made it through
I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last few years.

I learned the power and the secret of my endurance.
I learned that I am more capable, able and worthy
than I once thought . . .
Either way –

Change is always going to happen. 
I know this and I know that something is on its way.
I can see that something is on its way,
I just don’t know what it is.
But hey, I know I’ll get through it
because I have you.

Right?