The Rebirth of Sanity – Phase One: The Breakdown

The question remains, why do people have a strong need to be right all the time?
What does this mean to us? If people have the need to be right, what does this mean we want the least?
To be wrong?
The questions on this are interesting because these questions help define our thinking which also helps define our moods; and yes, our moods have the ability to define our days.
So, why do we argue or defend ourselves, especially if we don’t need to? And more, why do we debate with others and lead ourselves into these arguments?

Why do we fight with the people we love? Or better yet, why do we waste our time and fight over politics at the dinner table? Why do we engage in problematic conversations to begin with?
What does this do for us?
How does this allow our bodies to respond?

Is this due to the need to be heard?
Is this simply the need to be right?
Or, does the idea of being right or wrong have a connection to our internal value? 
Are we so offended because someone else has a different opinion?
Or, is it a case that we believed in something so deeply and heartily that someone questioning our standards or belief system means that we were somehow gullible? Because of this, does this lead us to think vulnerably that, in a sense, are we the fool or have we been backing the wrong assumptions?

In the case of being happy, can anyone explain the energy that takes over our system and how this translates into personal happiness?

Of course, there are certain banters that are fun and I can say that I have watched good friends go separate ways with angry faces, snarling at one another after an argument at lunchtime. Whether this was a banter between two opposite fans of a football team or was a disagreement in politics, which seems to be the hottest topic of late and in a further divide between political parties, I have seen family members refuse to acknowledge each other because of who they voted for (or why). In the end, how does this help us personally?
I’ve seen grownups argue (or at least so they called themselves) and in the middle of a workplace, rather than offer a supportive debate or acknowledge a fair point, I have seen conversations go back to the momma jokes in grade school and they take on the heat of back and forth character assassinations; or in some cases, I have seen arguments nearly become physical. I have literally seen fights break out at the workplace, just because of a disagreement.

But why?

In the case of serenity or in the rebirth of sanity, why do we allow ourselves to be drawn into arguments or find ourselves in hostile territories?
It’s not necessary to defend ourselves yet there are times when we do this as if this were a fight for our life.

I am passionate about topics of social justice; however, I do not engage in conversations that will draw me into heated arguments. I seldom, if ever, discuss politics nor do I debate religion or the relevance of God nor do I put myself in the position to either explain or defend my personal belief system. 
However, if I look at my history, I can see where I allowed personal opinions to offend me. I can see where I was coaxed and drawn into the verbal battles. But why?
Does this physically hurt me? Did I truly need to respond?
Does someone else’s ideas take away my ability to work or perform my tasks or take food from my table?

Perhaps, yes, there are certain moments when we have to defend our positions. And yes, in the face of unfairness, there are times that we have to stand up for ourselves, even if we have to stand alone and even if we have to stand up against “someone” or “something” that is bigger and more powerful. Still, there are times when the line has to be drawn. But this does not have to ruin our sanity nor does this have to prevent our rebirth of sanity.

I am a firm believer in the benefit of our smile. I am also a person who believes the day that I allow anyone or anything to steal my smile is the same day that I’ve allowed someone or something to steal me. I don’t allow thefts like this anymore.

I offer this as a humble note and due to the nature of transformational changes and personal growth, I will be outlining my own discoveries along the way. My reason for this is to help add some contrast and color and to build a relatable understanding.

Now is a good time to go back to where we left off: The beginning.
If we take this back to our introductions to what I consider the five fingers of rejective thinking,
we can connect to the items of shame, blame, guilt, fault and regret. I have designated these five items as the five fingers of rejective thinking because when balled together, they become a fist which is the very same fist that we use to beat ourselves up with. 

Would it be safe to say that this is a reflection of self and, if so, here in the beginning stages of our journey, let’s ask ourselves: what has to happen for us to remove these items from our daily docket?

First –
It is important that we understand the difference between a thought, a feeling and an emotion.

A thought –
An idea, an opinion, a consideration, a process of something that comes to mind which can be based on impulse or in response to something we see.
A thought can be true or false or neither in-between.

A feeling –
A sense or emotional reaction to an idea, thought or an interpretation of something that can or might lead us to a belief or assumption which may or may not be accurate or rational.

An emotion –
Emotions are mental states that are brought on by the neurophysiological changes in our system.

These three are separate yet these three items are intertwined and equally important to our wellness and wellbeing. Or, as in previous statements of mine, when it comes to being happy, we want to think better so that we can feel better so that we can essentially (and eventually) live better.

Question:
How many times have we re-lived old arguments in our mind? How many times have we literally rehearsed them, nearly word for word with regards to what we “wished” we could have said, and how many times have we practiced what we would say “just in case” the argument or conversation should take place again?

What happens when we do this?

If we think about the times we’ve done this and if we think about our thoughts and our feelings about this, what was the after effect?

The response to this stimulation was physiological which led us to the energy of our emotional state. Hence, the triggers of anxiety or the fear that the past will return and repeat itself again.

Therefore, the voice in our head can literally act as a captain and steer us into troubled waters.
If this is true, then it is also true that we can think and rehearse ourselves into anticipation and anxious thinking. Therefore, if this is true, we can literally think ourselves into crisis and worse, we can change the face of our belief system into worrisome ideas of becoming a “victim” or lead us to the vulnerable consideration that we are either inefficient or insufficient – and, then we go back to that idea of being wrong. Hence, we trigger the items of our five fingers of rejective thinking. Where does this lead us?

Is it safe to say that we can think ourselves sick?
The answer is an obvious yes.
Can we think ourselves into the ideas of aggression?
Yes.
However, if this is true, then wouldn’t it be equally true that we can think ourselves into safety? Rather than pilot our way into dangerous territory, we can also become our own best hero by saving ourselves the trip down the old rabbit hole.

I am a person who lives with general anxiety disorder. I am afraid of public speaking, which I would like to acknowledge that yes, this makes little to no sense at all because I am, in fact, a public speaker. I do not subscribe to the title of a motivational speaker; however, as a means to engage, my aim is to promote thought, trigger interest and promote emotion. So, in simple terms, I consider myself a speaker – and that works for me.

I have had my share of personal demons and personal bouts which have lived with me for as long as I can remember. Hence, this is my reason for understanding the roots of my thinking and tracing my thoughts back to when I was first introduced to the five fingers of rejective thinking. 

Also, as a person who lives with medicated resistant depression, I have had to learn ways to alter my thinking so that I can improve my physiological responses by improving my personal chemistry. Otherwise, it is easy to think myself sick or into the anticipation of anxiety.

I had to learn about my triggers.
What triggers my rejective thinking?
How does living in the thoughts of my past benefit me in the moment; but more, how does this impact my future?
Or, does this lead me towards a pattern of thinking and, essentially, does my life become a pattern of “more of the same?”

Now –

In an effort to find my own freedom as well as to outline this to offer a helpful design for personal improvement, I am writing this more from a peer-to-peer perspective yet I write this with the full understanding that I am not always an accurate peer, at least not for everyone.
My offerings are simply a measure of what I used in my case and to anyone else, this can be used as a platform or almost the skeletal formation of a new or transformational resurgence that will be designed to both understand and improve our daily perspective. 

I will end this passage today with one fact that I seldom read from other professionals – I am human which means I am capable of greatness and, at the same time, I am capable of the opposite. However, as a means to improve and promote change, I had to come to a choice. I had to find ways to promote my greatness. Otherwise, I’d only have that balled up fist of fingers called the five fingers of rejective thinking (blame, shame, fault, guilt and regret) to beat myself up with.

Here’s a quick idea to understand emotion –

Think about a time when you were most happy. Think about an occasion where you smiled and you were having fun. Close your eyes and think about a time when you were most proud of yourself. In fact, close your eyes and think of a moment that puts pride in your heart. If you think about this deeply enough, I guarantee that you will smile.

This is a chemical reaction AKA: Emotion.

Adversely, think about a moment which puts shame in your heart and see how your facial expressions respond. That’s emotion too.

This is our chemistry and in light of our best possible changes, this is what we are looking to boost and improve.

Understand?