There literally is no distance between here and where we want to be in life. This is more of a decision and means towards an end. There is only time and space and the perceptions of difficulty. There’s nothing else to this.
Or more accurately, this is a moment when a person says, “That’s it! It’s go time!”
This is a breakthrough or perhaps this is a breaking point where, at last, we see the line that extends outward from within. In that moment of awakening, we find that all that’s stood between us and where we want to be is a decision to make this so.
There’s nothing else between us, other than a decision.
That’s all. I promise you.
After the moment of realization takes place and after the preparation and after the talks and the pains that we endured, and once we finally come to the total sum of our previous actions, we find that everything has added up to where we are now. Hence, this means there really is no distance between us and where we want to be in life.
Instead, the only measurable distance between where we are and where we want to be is a concept of the mind because, of course, “It’s all in our head,” right?
Never mind the physical attributes of our goals. Never mind the locations or the geographical moves and never mind the work and the effort that it takes when creating our incremental, short-term and long term goals. Instead, think about the moment when you finally saw things clearly.
Think about the eye-opening event which took place and out of your personal blindness, think about the actions that took place which allowed you to see clearly.
Consider your personal awakening and the catalyst which took place that allowed you to come to a decision. Next, think about your vehicles of determination and what fueled them and kept you from being empty.
Think about the times where all you considered were the excuses and the reasons why you never tried or dared. Think about the times when your dreams were right there, on the tip of your tongue, but you never dared to speak about them, not once, or when you failed to nurture them in fear that somehow, something might come along and prove that you were incapable or otherwise undeserving of your rights as a human being.
But either way, this is all in our heads.
Right?
Isn’t that what we’ve been told throughout our entire life.
It’s in your head.
If we’re sad or if we’re going through a hard time, isn’t there always someone to come along and tell us how to think or what to do?
Or if we’re worried about something coming our way or the anticipation of the impending doom is too much to handle, what do people say about this?
They say, relax, it’s all in your head.
Well –
It’s the truth.
The topic at hand is either failure or success. In case of both matters, either of them are only a mindset which, again, leads me to my opening statement.
There’s really nothing between us but air and space and the time it takes to connect to who we want in our life and to where we want to be.
All this takes is a decision. Sure, there’s always someone who can tell you what to do. There’s always a plan.
There are books on how to live. There are countless programs to teach us how to lose weight or how to live a better life.
There are speakers who encourage good living and helpful wellbeing tactics. Meanwhile everyone knows how to live a good life. There’s really no secret to this.
Is there?
We all know about eating right and the importance of drinking enough water to stay hydrated.
We all know that sleeping enough is important. We know that exercise is important.
We know what happens when we eat too many sweets or forget to take care of our teeth.
Right?
We know all about this and still, these are common, everyday problems.
Aren’t they?
Everyone knows the downfalls of too much alcohol yet alcohol abuse disorder is still a major player in the untimely death category.
So are drugs for that matter.
So is obesity which kills more people on a yearly basis than both overdose and alcohol related deaths combined.
There are millions of articles and reports on how to be rich or how to be successful. Yet, at the same time, there are billionaires who swear that even if they wrote a tell-all book and even if we followed every step at every occasion, we still wouldn’t have the same level of success.
The reason for this is because we are not them.
We do not share the same instincts. We don’t have the same intuitions.
Our senses are different. Our emotional content is different and our feelings or interpretation of events is not the same.
Our thoughts and our reactions are not the same which means that we all have our own special ingredients. This is not to say that having a good playbook and guidelines are not helpful.
But instead, this means the world out there is looking for us to put our own spin on success.
Besides, we’re not here to be anyone else.
Right?
For example, back when I began my journey as a writer, I was told that I should forget it.
I was told that I didn’t have what it takes. Maybe I didn’t.
Or, maybe I still don’t have it
(or whatever that means).
I heard some of my old friends laugh at me. I heard from people who thought this was a joke and more than once, I heard questions like, “Who do you think you’re going to be, the next Shakespeare?”
In answer to the question, I don’t want to be the next Shakespeare.
I’m not looking to be the next Jim Carroll or Frank O’Hara.
However, I do use them as a source of inspiration.
I’m not looking to be the next Kerouac or the next Burroughs. While I admire and love all of them for their work, I’m not looking to be “the next” anyone.
I’m just looking to be the first me.
That’s a victory all to itself.
When I started this journey, I was in the worst place imaginable.
I started from nothing. I was empty. I had no money in the bank. I had more enemies than friends.
I was alone. I was tired of the life that I was living and at this point, I was unsure what life had in store for me.
More to the point, I questioned if living another day was worth the weight.
Was I worth anything?
Was anything worth it?
Were you?
I had no sense of promise or hope. I was alone and felt lonely to the point where I believed that no one would ever want to be around me.
No one would ever want to be with me; at least, not on a long term basis because once they saw me and I mean once they saw who I really am, they would realize that, at best, I could only be subpar or substandard and otherwise incapable of being anything close to a successful human being.
What kind of promise is there when we think like this?
Where is the sanity in this kind of thinking when, of course, the only sane move to me (at the time) was the insane idea that I had to leave this world in order for it to be a better place.
How foolish.
How egocentric.
How frightened and dark and how sad and tragic this was until something opened my eyes.
I don’t know what it was or why this happened.
Maybe it was an idea. Or, maybe it was an action which took place that overcame the nonsense in my head.
I can’t say which or what or why.
All I can say is that here I am – still writing.
I believed that I was a failure. I believed that I was nothing more than a burden to anyone who knew me; and more, I heartily believed that the world would be an easier place without me.
But I was wrong.
No one would miss me. No one would care.
No one needed me and worse, I believed this with all of my heart and with all of my soul.
But again, I was wrong about this.
At the time, my dinner consisted of different slices of pizza from a local pizza spot where the kids who worked the counter decided to be kind to me.
To be honest, I don’t know why they were nice to me.
I don’t know why they were as generous as they were.
I would pay for one slice and somehow, I’d walk out with a box of different slices.
Maybe this was because I was friendly to them. I’d ask about their day or their lives.
Or, maybe this was because they knew I was a divorced dad and because they knew I was struggling to get along with my child.
But for the record, I never shared too much with them – least of all, to overshare and be some crazy whiner who burdened everyone with their troubles.
I never wanted to be the one who emotionally dumps. But still – that’s not how these kids saw me.
Also, little do they know that they literally saved my life.
Maybe they liked me and for no other reason than this; because I was kind and I talked to them like people.
Could you imagine that?
Maybe this is why they made sure that I left with more food than I could possibly finish.
There was a strange dichotomy or division to this.
I say this because on one side, I believe that I was worthless and meaningless and on the other side, for no apparent reason at all, I would walk into this pizza place and for reasons unbeknownst to me, the kids that worked the counter would treat me like family.
They pulled me off the back of the line and brought me up front.
And I don’t know why.
This was the first time anyone ever asked me if I was a motivational speaker.
Or, if I considered to be one. By the way, I hate that title. I do not do motivational speaking.
I do not do inspirational speaking. I talk. I tell stories. My aim is to get people to think and feel. With hopes to encourage growth, my goal is to spark an internal sense of faith because, to me, I know how desperate it feels to have nothing inside by the hollowness of an empty life.
However, back then, I had no idea that my life could possibly take on this kind of direction. It still took me years to figure out that I had a passion and a drive that was bigger than me or the world around us.
I was years from where I am now and years from the catalyst that created a bigger change which opened my eyes to my true aspirations.
I was nowhere near where I am now yet the only distance between me and my dreams was the distance in my head.
But something sparked a change – a minute, a second, a quick awakening to a remnant of something that I thought was gone away.
But nothing was gone. Nothing was absent.
My heart was only dormant until all of a sudden my life woke up and suddenly, I could hear the calls of my passion, loud and clear.
Life has a way of introducing itself to us.
Life can speak pretty loudly and when we miss this, life has a way of reintroducing itself louder and louder until finally, we wake up. Hopefully, we wake up before it’s too late and we recognize that “holy shit,” I need to get moving on this.
Was I crazy?
At the time, yes. I was.
Was I tired? Was I alone? Was I stressed?
Was I worried that my entire life was about to implode and, at best, all I would have left was the tired realization of “self” which was the concept that I never dared or tried or worked to have the life that I always wished I could have had.
I declare this honestly because in order to redefine my life and find the rebirth of my sanity, I have to declare who I was. I have to expose what I went through; and more, I have to come to an understanding of what I was willing to do to get where I want to be.
I have to say this – life is not here to play fairly.
I have to say that rejection is part of life; but more, rejection is only as real as the investments we make on its behalf.
I’ve had to stop this.
I had to move away and yes, if this meant being alone then so be it, let me alone.
Let me go through the pain.
Let me pay what I owe now because otherwise, the interest piles on worse than any credit card or any bank loan or any debt to any bookie on the street – so let me pay now. Let me earn what I can because if the interest keeps building, the last thing I want to leave behind is the karmic debt that I did not take the risks to make my life become what I needed it to be.
It’s not insane to be crazy.
It’s only crazy to think that our insanities cannot be overcome; at least from a layman’s perspective.
I don’t mean this from a clinical perspective. No, I mean this is life.
There are a million different types of intimidation out there.
Don’t listen to them.
Look for the catalyst. Watch for the storms. Ride the waves. Be exactly who you choose.
This was my strongest move. I know this because I am still working on this now, today, and right here – with you.
Phase One –
Find what you want
See it
Build it
And make it so
There is no other alternative
My catalysts for change came to me in different ways. These happened at different times and my vehicles of desire are driven differently now.
Maybe this is because I’ve been working on my trick for so long now that this is all I see.
Or, maybe because at last, my will and my intent finally outweighed my fears and insecurity.
All I know is once you see the face of your dream and you touch the fabric of what it feels like to want something so badly and to need something so deeply that no matter what happens, you can’t turn away or pretend like you don’t know what’s out there.
Life has a way of speaking to us. Life can certainly speak loudly and we might hear this loud and clear, but what’s the point if we don’t listen?
Or worse, what’s the point in hearing what life has to offer if we don’t listen because we don’t believe in ourselves.
That’s where our sanity begins – with belief in ourselves.
I was on the floor once.
I thought I was going to die –
Instead, I decided to write.
So fuck Shakespeare . . .
He and I are not the same
Nor should we be.
The Written Addiction 