When we look at people who succeed and compare ourselves to them or to their success, what do we see?
When we think about people who dedicate themselves to a program or see how they invest in a strong routine in life, what do we notice about them?
Better yet, when we look at people whose drive to overcome seems to be unstoppable or undeterrable, and in their case, which may seem or appear unthinkable or unbeatable. Even in the face of pain or against the unbalanced odds, they still move forward, just like the underdog.
But how? Are they really built so differently?
Is this only something that comes with a privileged life? Or adversely, is this a level of understanding that comes with the knowledge and the experience of what it means to not have anything – privileged or not. Is this an internal understanding that connects in our head and once we’ve made the “click” everything in our life seems to “snap” into place? Maybe –
Maybe the click constitutes a moment of awareness where at last, we’ve finally found what it takes to cross the finish line.
What makes someone like this?
What makes someone dedicated and committed?
How does a person find the secret of their endurance?
Or more –
What builds a person’s drive? Ehat brings a person to the line where there is no turning back and whether they were good or bad before is irrelevant because from this point onward, what makes a person commit to their own personal perfection?
I think in the case or understanding what the rebirth of sanity means, these are all fair and important questions to ask and answer.
When contemplating a big or important change in our life:
Is this simply a case of being sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Is this more than wanting to look better when we see our reflection in the mirror?
Is this more than a moment of awareness and more than just a commitment to take care of one’s self?
If we think about this, what sparks the ignition when it comes to transformational changes?
Is this only a case of wanting more?
Or is this more than wanting to be better?
Or could this be a cognitive connection that is both understandable and retainable? So far, now that we see the truth and now that we are out from beneath the earth and no longer buried by our denial, we can grow from here. We can build. We can adjust and improve, which is heroic if we learn to do this for ourselves.
What I mean by this is if we began a transformational change or if we started a new workout regimen and if we changed our focus on nutrition and finally, we saw some results, is this enough to trigger the reward system? Is this enough to release the needed chemistry?
By the way, this is the chemistry that tells us, “ah, so this is what achievement feels like . . .”
I can say that there is a big difference between someone who hunts to survive and someone who hunts for sport. There’s a difference between someone who hunts for necessity and someone who hunts for a hobby. And more, I can say that there’s a big difference in the level of commitment to which in any efforts, the depths of our commitment is the efforts that bring us to an optimal level of success.
“Show me how committed you are and I can show you how successful you are going to be.”
Just remember though – success is relative. So don’t get lost in the definition of what it means to be successful – at least not yet.
What drives us? What pushed us when literally, we’re on empty and we have no gas left in the tank.
The answer is commitment. Another answer is our level of accountability.
In part, these are the primary ingredients for success.
The same can be said about the people who do what they need to do because, to them, they have no other option. It’s just that serious.
It’s either get up and get ready or stay down and let life run over you.
I’m sure we’ve all had moments when it seems like life is running over us.
“Get up or die,” which may sound a bit extreme but there’s something to this, especially to the soldier in combat, which is not to compare life to this, by any means; however, my intention is to point out the severity of discipline.
Work or don’t eat.
Move or nothing happens.
Let go or live with the whole world on your plate. As we face the challenges over the reasons why we freak out or have meltdowns, we have to come to a place where we either learn to navigate through life with an intentional mindset, with a goal, a picture, and a driving force behind us; or otherwise, we lose ourselves to the softness of poor prioritization. Or, as I say with my favorite analogy; we can lose to life like water loses to a drain.
It is clear that necessity is the mother of invention. This happens because our eyes are opened now. We are most aware when our needs are starving and calling out and at that point, we will do whatever it takes to have our needs met,
The challenge that most people face is after the threat of loss is gone or after we surrender to an internal laziness of any kind; whether this is intellectual, irrational, educational, professional or a social laziness; people are less afraid of the cliff when the threat of falling is gone away.
Hence, perhaps this is why people forget to finish taking all of their medication once they start to feel better. Or, this might be why people forget their mindfulness at work when their comfort level resumes after a boss seems to calm down after a costly mistake.
Don’t get me wrong, no one should have to walk around on eggshells.
No one should have to tip-toe through life.
But our mindfulness needs to stay intact to promote a steady stream of awareness.
We have to remember our commitments, even after the motivation is gone or the inspiration is weak because hey, we all have days like this.
We all have moments when we don’t want to show up or deal with the nonsense around us.
But either way, the depth of our commitment is equal to the reach of our success.
No one is at their best at all times. Above all, life happens on a constant basis which means that we need to keep our mindfulness intact.
We need to hold ourselves accountable. We need to maintain ourselves like a vehicle. Lastly, we have to understand that self-care is everything because without this, we tumble and we fall. Without a strong level of self-care, everything and everyone who depends on us will tumble and fall too.
When we talk about the ideas of insanity, I want to move beyond the typical definition of doing the same thing, over and over again, and expecting different results.
Insanity is when we lack the existence of our true selves. Insanity is when we trade ourselves away because we lack the understanding of our true worth.
This is when we lose ourselves to senseless comparisons of other people, places and things. This is when we overthink or overplay the tragic scenarios in our head. This is when we come to these catastrophizing beliefs that are only imaginary but, to us, our assumptions are as real as the writing on this page.
It is insane when we don’t know who we are. It’s crazy to think how little we know about our worth and our value. Even more crazy is when we have little to no faith in our abilities because, as crazy as this sounds, we are unaware of how capable we truly are.
We are all literally amazing yet no one knows it
(including us).
It’s insane to not understand our abilities or live up to our best potential. It’s insane to quit or to give up and somewhere inside is the turmoil that tortures us. This is what kindles the fire for the sad and destructive self-talks that degrade us on an ongoing basis.
Somewhere inside are the dark spots which we can see and we still know that somewhere deep inside, if we stay down, then we’ve let ourselves down.
If or when the narrative takes over, either we learn to speak ourselves out of the depths of this muck or we talk ourselves into mental illness and forge the emotional crisis to an internal despair.
Sink or swim.
Get up or drown in the emotional quicksand.
Remember what triggered the change or forget. If we do forget, we slip back to the place where our rewards were less rewarding and our life was less alive.
It’s on us.
It always has been.
It always will be.
It’s go time!
It’s not about win or lose anymore. This is about the moments we lose when we miss the chance to defy our limitations.
This is about the experience and the victory of what it means to take another step, especially when we never thought that we could. Also, since so many out there told us that we’d never make it this far or that we should give up hope, the victory here is that we refused to give up – even when we really wanted to. Because of this, we have defied some of our biggest limitations.
By now, we realize that overcoming our doubts and fears is what happens when we conquer the mind.
This happens when we declare the right to challenge our assumptions and when, at last, we stand up to the internal bully, which is us and in our head, which has done nothing for us but whisper lies and tell us about our biggest weaknesses.
But if we find our secret; If we learn how to build out tricks and pull this off then, in fact, we have destroyed the odds against us. We have broken through the boundaries that held us back and surpassed any judgment or any limitation to the point where limitations can no longer exist.
It makes sense to me when people find themselves trapped in their own mind; whereas they would prefer to feel absent or weightless.
I can understand this. I can understand despair. I can understand the five fingers of rejective thinking which (again) are blame, shame, fault, guilt and regret.
It makes sense to me when people tell me that they feel so badly that they look for quick fixes. I understand feeling so low and down that even if the quick fix is only quick as in, only for a few minutes, I get it.
Even if the euphoria or the pay-off is only temporary or even if the temporary gains sets us back to a deeper loss, I understand the depths of despair which allows me to understand why people would take what they can get, even if only to feel good for a few minutes – I get it.
I understand why it is common to give in. I understand why people would rather quit or fade away or find themselves in some kind of mental loft where nothing hurts.
No one argues here. There’s no rejection here and nothing is so heavy anymore.
I’ve been there.
I understand losing oneself in something mindless because the mind is too cluttered. There’s too much going on.
People can suck – and to be honest, I don’t see the value in not calling this to light. I don’t see the value of pretending that everyone’s a good person and bad people aren’t there in the mix.
I think it’s fine to say this.
However, I think it’s crazy to allow this to ruin or destroy our path. Better yet, I think it’s crazy to allow someone to steal our energy or to stand for the theft of service which comes with unbalanced or codependent relationships.
I can understand what it’s like to look at the mirror and be unhappy with what you see.
In fact, I’ve lived this way for nearly my entire life. To be clear, I still have my battles with this.
I can relate to seeing a picture and not recognizing the person in the photo; only to come to the jarring conclusion that “holy shit!” That’s me . . .
Somehow, life can gain momentum and in our so-called emotional blindness or denial of the truth, we find ourselves in a moment.
We see ourselves as we are, which is how we’ve allowed ourselves to become. In the so-called box of our compartmentalized relationships, I can see where we’ve allowed certain treatment to carry on for way too long.
I can think of people who are more brilliant than anything I could compare to. I can think of people who enter the room with such a bright spirit and personality that their laugh and their smile can brighten even the darkest of places. (Even if this is only for me, I can see them in my mind and in my heart.)
I have seen this and it amazes me how unaware they are of their own greatness.
To hell with anyone who doesn’t see this.
To hell with their words or their name-calling or their manipulative jokes and to hell with their own hang-ups and bullshit. To hell with their underhandedness.
I see people every day and I admire them and look at their gifts. I choose to model myself after them because, to me, these are the people in my life who bring on the most redeeming qualities of this world. Yet, I am puzzled because they might allow for certain treatment that is either hurtful or unfair.
I can say that I know some of the most incredible people this world has to offer.
To them, this is where my love goes.
However, whether it’s weight gain or the aging process or whether we look tired or unkempt or if we are not at our best and out of nowhere, life comes along to shine the spotlight on us.
Hence, our moment of awareness.
Hopefully, we see it now. We see what we’ve allowed to happen.
Hopefully, we recognize what needs to change.
We see how we’ve given up on our life and/or our dreams and our passion because, in fairness, we were bored with a life that was settled for – and not chosen.
At last . . .
We see where and how we’ve let ourselves slip into mediocrity
And we start to wonder . . .
When did this begin?
When did this happen?
How long have our eyes been closed?
How come no one told me, “hey, you’re letting yourself go.”
Do people care? Or, is it better that we stay in our perspective boxes so that the pecking order can take place and keep existing?
Again, these questions are important and so are the answers.
How come people never take the branch when someone in their circle of influence tries to pull them out of this emotional quicksand?
Why am I, they, or we still sinking into ourselves?
The most insane moments in my life are when I came to a moment of clarity and saw just how insane I was.
Was I not paying attention?
How long have I been like this?
Was my attention elsewhere?
Was I too lost in myself and too wrapped in some kind of emotional cocoon that I wrapped myself in a sense of seclusion; enough so that I could turn a blind eye and allow my denial to survive another day – is that what happened?
Maybe –
Do you know what happened to me next?
You . . .
That’s what happened.
That’s why I’m still here, still typing away and still trying to reach you from now on and until the hour of our death (amen).
Do I still have meltdowns and freak out?
Sure, all the time.
And frequently.
But ask me if I’ve improved at all –
Ask me if I feel better –
Ask me if I quit or gave up –
Ask me if I allowed myself to back down or tuck my tail between my legs –
Ask me if I gave in or backed down to the internal bully –
Ask me if I drowned to the depths of my emotional quicksand –
Ask me any of these questions and I can say that while the world turns and life unfolds, I have not taken a drink, a drug or used a method of self-destruction. I have learned to live in my skin and appreciate who I am. I have gained weight and lost weight and due to this action, which I have created and described to you on several occasion – the fact that you and I are able to communicate like this and see each other, eye-to-eye, this means the world to me because, to me, this is my recovery. To be honest, I wouldn’t have any of this –
Without you . . .
The Written Addiction 