After the ideas and contemplation and after all the back and forth thinking which, if anything; none of this has done much except lead us to excuses and distance from our goals or to another problem, which is known as procrastination. Once we get through all the realizations and when we find ourselves at “go time,” we have to understand that, at this point, there can be no such thing as turning back or giving in.
The time for excuse making is over.
It’s time for some action.
There will always be the adverse and the days when you might not want to give the proper effort. This will happen.
There will always be times when we are tired or have a good excuse to fall back or to slide from our new routines.
There will be times when your exercise equipment seems as if it’s been used more as a clothes hanger than a machine of good health. But we are past this now.
It’s go time.
I say this because if insanity is relentless, then we need to be relentless as well.
We need to formulate our plans and keep to them without apology.
This means if we set a rule or if we make a plan and create a program for our lives, then we have to stick to this.
There can be no more compromises.
We have to go after this, like a carnivore, wild and on the hunt.
We have to want this too.
We have to want this as much as we want air to breathe and food to survive.
We cannot sway from this or allow this priority to come undone.
Not at all.
We have to be as unrelenting as the emotional pains and anguish we felt and to recover, we have to replace and repair our personal and emotional divots, one at a time. While focusing on our efforts alone, we have to keep this fire in us going because in the depths of despair, we have to remember how unrelenting our thoughts and feelings were at the time.
We have to value this commitment and, in some cases, we have to value this more than we value our own lives because in fairness to our truths; there are times when we compromised our worth to the tune of worthlessness. But not anymore. Now we march to the beat of a drum so loud and so intense that our march is stronger than any parade we’ve ever seen.
We have to build this, like a rage; enraged to live, enraged to go and see and be and do. We have to allow ourselves the fight and the strength; and more, we have to decide that now it’s our turn. At last, we have given ourselves the distinct permission to make this so.
We have to understand exactly what we went through. We have to know this. With this in the forefront of our mind, rather than think about “why” things happen, we have to realize and recognize our parts in all of our equations. We need to understand our math. Most importantly, we need to understand how we added ourselves to items that were neither pertinent or applicable to our lives. Therefore, by removing ourselves from these unnecessary equations, we have allowed ourselves the room to fit exactly where we belong.
Life is in fact a commitment.
And so is this.
So is our happiness.
So is our best possible self.
All of this is a commitment, no different from going to the gym or eating right or sleeping well.
If we need help, then we get help.
Either through medication or dedication, we have to find our best possible path to live a healthy and productive life without any excuses.
In my past, I know that medications have failed me. Yet, I also know that there are certain items in my life that needed medical attention and now, regimented and overseen by a doctor, I am healthy. My diabetes is in check. My cholesterol is down. My blood pressure is where it’s supposed to be. While I’ve never had six-pack abs in my entire life – I am closer to this now than ever before.
Questions:
Where have we allowed ourselves to remain or be involved with unbalanced or unfair relationships?
This can be with a person, place or thing.
Where did we lend ourselves to people, places or things and meanwhile, deep down, we knew there was something uneven or unequal in our standing?
So in the end, we understood the unfair thefts of service.
We saw where we settled and ignored the warning signs, simply because we wanted to believe in something better.
Where have we given to either people, places or things and recognized the sunk-cost fallacy; whereas, we knew that we were giving too much or working harder than our counterpart yet we stayed because we were afraid to lose more. Yet, we still lost more because we continued to invest; as if to say “please love me back,” almost like a beaten dog and how they would plead for their master’s love. So in this awareness, where have we allowed this treatment in our life and, of course, the next question is why?
Where have we closed the roads?
Where have we responded preemptively?
Where did we build walls instead of bridges and now, in the face of lonesomeness, where have we created the gaps and voids and the irreparable damages that painted us in the corner?
Where have we done ourselves wrong, as if to recognize this after the fact, only to be placed in a scene of a self-fulfilled prophecy and then, of course, why has this happened and how many times has this had to happen before we learned our lesson?
Our actions are a result of our thoughts, feelings and emotions.
We know this now.
Our past is certainly linked to our inventory. In this case, if we are talking about the rebirth of sanity and about being a better person, from the ground up; and, if we are searching for a personal overhaul to make ourselves better; as if to improve our life, our friendships, our love, our family and our workplace; then if we are here, we are moving beyond the gates of Phase One and next is Phase Two.
Make no mistake; once you enter this phase, there can be no turning back.
There can be no backsliding or scooting around and trying to find that “easier, softer way” because there is none.
We have tried the easier paths. We searched for the quick fixes.
We used the little tricks and we certainly found out one of two most important ideas in this world, which is that you cannot save your face and your ass at the same time.
So choose. Figure out whether you want a long-term solution for your sanity and happiness. If not, if you’d rather save face and be quick – then fine, but just know that the results are short-lived.
I keep saying the words, “It’s go time,” because these words have fire behind them.
I use other words that help me as well. Words like, “No more.”
I’ve said these words to my five fingers of rejective thinking because when that fist closes and when each finger, such as blame, shame, fault, guilt and regret close into a fist; I have used this as the figurative fist which has beaten me up on more occasions that I care to admit.
But now, I say this –
Now, I say “No More!”
I can say the words “Never again” when I think about the feelings of foolishness.
I can say “Never again” when I see how I lent myself in ways that were unfair to me.
I can say “Never again” when I consider how I compromised my best interests just to be picked for a team or in fear of being “left out.”
I can see where I compromised my best interests and traded in my true self.
But to this, I can say “No more!”
To this I can say, “Never again,” which is not to say that there will be times when I lend myself out too much or that, in some cases, I gave too much to an unfair occasion; but alas, at least now, I have the benefit of self awareness and the understanding that my value is worthwhile, which means this: I don’t have to take shit from anyone
I might not stand in big crowds or be someone who is well-known or popular. I might not be the desired one for the team. I might not be the best in my field but at least now I realize that I have the option and the right to be the best me, beyond any contestation.
No one can refuse me.
No one can bully me or misuse me. No one has the right to tell me to give up or quit. No one can stop me because the one thing I know is beyond my first entry in my journal which said, “My redemption has nothing to do with your response,” at last, I recognize that my rebirth of sanity relies upon me.
This means I have to take daily actions. I have to understand the format and the mechanics of my sanity. Now that I understand where I came from and now that I have chosen where I want to be; next, I have to create the plans and understand the laws of transaction. I have to have a true understanding of “how” this works.
Next, I have to assure myself the pathway is mine; therefore, I have to keep the gumption. I have to keep my drive alive.
I have to realize that misery might be behind me; but misery is a bitch because misery is always welcoming and always there, lurking in the background as if to say, “I’m right here if you want to come back to me . . .”
If it’s go time then it’s go time.
So, if all we do is look back in the rearview mirror, then all we’ll see is what’s been left behind us.
But no more for me, thanks.
I can’t do that anymore.
I can’t give myself to people, places or to things that either degrade me or remove me from entering the arenas of my best possible self.
This is not a game. This is not a joke. This is not some inspirational or motivational script.
No, this is my dedication to a path which I should have chosen to take a long, long time ago.
This is nothing more than a commitment to self, which says, “no more” and “never again” because now, “it’s go time!” which means all the talk and all the negative internal conversations are done.
Now, it’s time to reveal “my trick” and take to the center stage to say “Ta-Da!”
Forget about overthinking. Forget about the worry if or when I’ll be accepted.
Forget about the performances of our past and think about today.
Ask yourselves this – How will you meet today?
Will you be submissive? Will you go hungry?
Will your needs go unaddressed and you wants be unvoiced?
Or, will you be the carnivore on the hunt?
Will you stand up?
Will you learn to assert yourself by recognizing your worth and by this I mean that once you take to the jungle, in whichever form that applies to you, what will you do to achieve your best dreams?
Out like a lamb and in like a lion is what comes to mind here.
So, what are we waiting for?
It’s go time.
Right?
This means Phase One is done.
It’s time for Phase Two –
to make things so.
The Written Addiction 