The Rebirth of Sanity – Phase Two: Going Forward

What is forward motion? Or better yet, what is forward thinking?
Both questions are valuable and both answers are necessary for this application.
Forward motion is to move forward, as in move onward or to move ahead and to head towards something with a goal in mind, a plan in place and a strategy to achieve it.
Forward thinking is thinking in the direction we choose to go; as in no more looking back or looking to re-litigate the past.
There’s no more rehearsals in the mirror or practicing our speeches while driving to someplace we don’t want to be.
There’s no more giving in to intimidations that held us back. Mostly this means that we are out of the contemplation phases.
This means we are here ar the entryway and beyond the planning stages.
This means now is the time for action!

I have this memory of my Mother when she would type on a new typewriter.
Mom would type, “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.”
I understand there is a story behind this, which does not belong to me. I understand this has something to do with a man by the name of Frank E. McGurrin who invented touch typing back in 1888. As I understand it, McGurrin used this sentence when demonstrating his touch typing abilities back in January 1889.

I have never invented anything. I have never created much. But I’ve had to learn to find my way on more than one occasion. Then again, I say I’ve never invented anything yet I come here daily to reach out to you, the most special and most important person in the world to me. Each day we talk about something new. Each day I reveal myself to you in ways, and with new ideas, with new hopes and new plans to discover myself, I come here to find you with a new plan to reach a new path.

I suppose this is what it takes to invent something new. I suppose that looking back or focusing on yesterday or thinking about past failures, or mistakes, or considering the odds that the past will in fact repeat itself; if I give in to this, then so be it and the likelihood of my past becoming a prison is more obvious than prison walls and prison bars. Hence, if I want to find my freedom and should I be brave enough to define my freedom; then I have to decide to look beyond the horizon.
I have to decide that regardless of what might come to pass, I understand there are certain mechanics to change and that yes, I understand this will take time and patience. I know that nothing worthwhile comes freely or easily. I get that now.

No one is automatically perfect at their craft. No one walks into life as an expert.
We’re all learning as we go. Anyone who tells you anything else is either full of shit or they’re trying to sell you something.
No, life is something that takes time and training.
This is something that takes action and forward thinking. This is something that takes an even pace and a realistic sense of mindfulness; whereas, there are no distractions here. There is no emotional thinking. There is only plan, strategy and action which moves at a constant and steady pace.
We have to break down our plans into a step-by-step motion that makes sense to us. Otherwise, we lose our beat and then we lose our rhythm. What’s life without rhythm?

There can be no flinching and no more added rehearsals in the mirror. There’s no more talking about going and moving and being strong enough to take a chance.
The time for rehearsals is over.
The time to act is now and as I said before, I will say this here again.
It’s go time!
There’s no more practicing. There’s no more pretend speeches.
There’s only movement. While this might take several steps, I say that if you show movement and show me progress, then I will show you a dream in the making. I will show you how this is happening here and now, right before our eyes.
“Promises included!”

Life is no different from a puzzle. Each piece has its right place and each piece fits where it’s supposed to go. Sometimes this puzzle takes time to create the effect of its full picture. I get that now.
And so do you . . .
There can be no forcing this. There is no pushing something to be where it shouldn’t be. Besides, we’ve done that before. Some people say “hey, that’s just life.” But me, I say now, that’s called “settling.”
Life is no different from any jigsaw puzzle. But when you know, you just know., When you see where you fit and when you find your place, you put yourself there because there’s no place that you’d rather be.
This is life.
We can try new things and see if we fit and once we see that our edges do not match with our surroundings, we have to take note of this on an intellectual level.
We can make ourselves fit.
We can’t force this. We should know this by now because we’ve done this before.
We can’t make ourselves fit in places where we know we don’t belong.
Otherwise, we are a piece to a puzzle that is unfit and unmatching of our surroundings and else wise, we degrade ourselves (as well as our surroundings) because, put simply, we know that this is not the place for us.
Yet for some reason or perhaps out of fear that we might find the right fit or due to other details in our personal inventory, we decided to settle or shave our edges to accommodate our surroundings.
But let me ask you – how’d that work out for us?

Life comes with no directions; however, like any model, assembly is required. As it is with any model, if two pieces do not seem to fit correctly, this is either because we are looking to fit them inappropriately or, in fact, these two things do not fit together at all.
Forcing them will not make the puzzle right.

I believe in the power of fate. I believe that there is something to be learned from everything we see. I believe that we learn from every experience. As for every person we meet, each one has its own value.
I believe in our connections and the way life coincides with each other, which is only true because I know that you are here for a reason. I know that it couldn’t be simply happenstance that I know you – and I mean truly know you – because I do . . .
(I know you very well)
It is not possible that the connections of souls can be dissolved or disconnected nor is it possible for us to forget our truest hopes and dreams.
But again, this takes time. This takes planning. This takes learning and the ups and downs that come with it. This takes strategy and simple moves that take place, one at a time, and step by step.

I am no fool and neither are you.
Only, I suspect that at times, we wonder if we’re the fools or if we are the dumb ones or the idiots. But to me, to think this way is the opposite of sanity.
This is the doubt that whispers in our ears and when times are tough or at moments when we seem stranded or otherwise alone in the fight; the stars are out at night and we are sleepless when all the world is resting at peace. I look up at times like this . . . and I wonder.
When we are at a state of unrest, this is only a warning.
So, don’t be afraid.
This is only an internal awareness which tells us that our surroundings are not fitting for us anymore.
This is our internal truth explaining that we have outgrown our limitations and that we are not meant to be caged or held back. This is only our spirit screaming out to stretch our wings – so we can fly.

I don’t know what it took to create or invent a typewriter. I don’t know what caused this man to invent such a thing.
I don’t know if I have that sort of invention in mind; however, within my heart, I know that this sort of invention takes work. I know this takes forward thinking. To build this or to build anything takes forward motion.

I spent an entire summer painting an internal staircase on weeknights and Saturdays. I was supposed to start this with a partner, but that did not go as planned.
Unfortunately, my so-called partner weighed the effort it took and the time he lost with the pay we received and found that this was not worth it for him.
So, it was me. All alone.
I was there by myself, painting a staircase that went from the 26th floor, all the way down to the third sub-basement in a commercial office building in Midtown, Manhattan. 

I hated this job. I hated the paint. I hated the loneliness of the staircase. I hated the fact that it was summertime and while the rest of the world was enjoying the beach or the great outdoors or the nightlife; I was inside a gloomy staircase, painting green walls to a new shade called brushed silver. 

This sucked!
All I could do was roll out the walls and use the brush to cut the edges around the railings and the banisters. I did this one floor and one landing at a time.
I listened to music through my headphones to help distract me from my angry frustrations.
I was angry because, in fact, I talked my way into this job. This was all my bright idea. Now that I was “in it,” the only way out was to finish it. 

I had to allow my body to move almost mindlessly. I allowed myself to move without thinking and without over-complicating or re-engineering the job at hand. I moved in an automatic pilot. I mostly left my emotional thinking in my locker, which was down in the engineer’s locker room. 
I changed my clothes and put on my painting gear – and then off I went to fulfill my commitment.

There was another summer where I spent hours on weekends, installing new automatic faucets in public bathrooms that turned on and off with a hand sensor. Each bathroom had at least four faucets including one handicap faucet. Plus, I had to change the handle-kits to each flushometer so that the toilets could operate on a sensor and be flushed in a hands-free mode.

Not sure which job was more of a pain. I’d have to say it was probably painting the staircase.
But in either case, both jobs sucked. Both had their unique challenges.
Either way, I had to create a plan.

As far as the faucets went, the first few installs took some time. I had to learn the quick little tricks. I also had to be mindful of the instructions because as smart I may or may not be, it’s easy to be smarter when we read the directions carefully.
I say this to you now because I learned this lesson the hard way.

Again, this was a job that I took and since I agreed, this means that I gave my word which meant that there was turning back. The only way out of this work was to finish it.
So, I did because if I did back out, this meant that I would never be able to create overtime like this again. To an hourly-waged employee, overtime is king!

I admit that this job was a pain. I had to remove the old faucets and replace them with the new ones. I was hunched under the counter of sinks. To be clear, but without being gross, please be advised that public bathrooms are not the cleanest places to work. Or to put this gently, I can tell you this – none of the bathrooms smelled like flowers. I can tell you that much.

I had to break this job down. I created an understandable process. I took out the boxes and placed the parts in a specific way. I started with a routine of removing the old and then replacing the new.
I formulated a plan so that I was able to create something step-worthy which allowed me to move both quickly and efficiently.
I installed more than 350 faucets that summer in both the men’s and ladies room in a commercial office building on Lexington Avenue.
This was not an easy job. I was alone with most of this because I was “the new guy” at the time and my co-workers were both much older than me and neither of them were interested in completing the job.
But hey, this is life sometimes.
Not everyone who is supposed to help you is going to help you.
So, act accordingly. 

I had to create an unemotional plan and pattern for myself; else, this job would have taken longer than necessary. Of course, most absolutely, I would have lost my sanity and punched the wall or banged my head on the bottom of the sinks, which happened more times than I can count.

I use this in my current plan; in which case, I mean “the here and now.”
I am on a new path and working on recreating my future that is moving away from an outgrown past.
The more I move, the closer I am to my goal.
Same as this happened when I was stuck on a painting job or replacing faucets, I learned to take down life, one task at a time.
I say it this way because I know that each day, I am one day closer to this new dream which, in fairness, this dream of mine is not new as much as it is revitalized by the fact that, at last, I recognized my action towards sanity is to be truest to myself.

This means I have to be true to myself.
i have to be true to my desires.
I have to be true to my wants and my needs; but mainly, of course, I have to be true to my love.

There’s no more settling for second best and there’s no more “good enough” examples in lesser models of life.
There’s only a daily action that takes me closer to my dream.
One second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time. 

The only direction is forward. There can be no bitching about the jobs at hand. There’s no complaining. There’s no need to interact with intimidation anymore and the time for rehearsals is through.

Like I said to you before and like I’ll be saying to you throughout this entire journal.
It’s go time!
Because anything else . . .
Well, that’s just crazy.