Understand that choice is an action. Even if this seems actionless, still, the choices we make are action-packed as well as impactful on our future selves as well as our sanity.
This is important. No, really.
It is . . .
If we want to understand more about ourselves, then we can always look at the details of our old relationships. We can look back at our selections of trust or the so-called trusted people.
We can look at who we chose to include in our lives as well as who we used to listen to. This is important to understand because there are lessons here, which are valuable and life changing.
We can think about the time we invested with people. More, we can think about the aftermaths and the times we wondered why we allowed ourselves to invest so deeply in someone who did not deserve our energy, let alone our attention. Yet, we still gave this away.
Why?
We have mentioned the internal voice in past entries and the impact that our self-talk has upon thinking, feelings and the end result, which is our emotions.
We know that the internal narrative has a strong influence on our direction. We understand this affects our mood and impacts the way we talk, listen and relate to others. This can also determine whether we have a good day or not. But also, this can inspire whether we are happy . . . or not.
However, another important detail that supports the rebirth of sanity are our sources of inspiration. These are the people we love and trust. These are the go-to ones, the mentors, the people we turn to and depend on. These are the people who can say a word and, somehow, we feel better. Or, even if we don’t feel better, we still need a trusted circle of influence.
It is important to know the value of our words because, of course, every word has meaning and a translation. So, we need to be mindful of what we say to ourselves as well as pay attention to the value of what we hear. It is equally important to recognize the stations we fill in our lives. By this I mean the people we prioritize by category.
I am a fan and a firm believer in the opinion which states – there are literally billions of people in this world. Life is too short to waste our time and try to get along with so-called enemies of enemy-minded people. There is no need to prove ourselves anymore. There is no need to be heartless or callous either, which is a task that I’ve had to learn on my own.
Life is not about win or lose anymore. This is not about right or wrong. While I support the solutions of thinking along the lines of good, better and best; I fully support the right to understand that certain connections and people are better to be distanced from than included.
Like anyone else, I am a constantly moving stage of progress. I am no guru nor do I want to be.
There are days when I am at my best and days when my best is that regardless of the day ahead or how I was feeling, at least I got up and faced what I could.
There are times when I lose track of myself. I admit to the times when I say things out of haste. There are times when I speak out of anger or frustration. Or, in moments of doubt or pain, there are times when I am like so many others in this world, which means there are times when I’ve cut off my nose to spite my face. Yes, it’s also safe to say that I can be immature.
I’ve looked for revenge in my life. I’ve looked for “payback!”
Sure, I have.
I’ve allowed the devil on my shoulder to kick the angel out of town, so-to-speak, and sure, I’ve spoken out of turn. I’ve retaliated at times. I’ve fought unnecessarily.
There are times when I catch myself as being unprofessional. Deep down, I know there’s a word for this. I know there’s a diagnosis for this.
I know that while my list of imperfections might be lengthy or even lengthier than others, I know there is a common diagnosis for what this is. It’s called being human and some do this better than others. But then again, some days, people are at their best. Other days, not so much.
I am not above this or below it.
I say that because this is me too. In fact, I celebrate the honesty it takes to call one’s self out on their faults and flaws because if there is such a thing as the rebirth of sanity then, to me, this is the only way to it.
It is important to recognize our surroundings.
Believe it!
It is important to realize that the people we choose to invest in are more than a record of good company. This is where we gain our inspiration.
This is where we can build our connections; and more, when we talk about the rebirth of sanity and rebuilding our life; or when we talk about perfecting ourselves and building our life, or to become an expert at our craft, and if we want to reach the next level of personal satisfaction, we need to choose a strong circle of influence. The number of people can be small or large. The choice is ours but in my case; I have come to the understanding that my most valuable people are limited to only a few.
(Of course, by now, you know that you are at the top of the list, at least I hope you know. I come here to tell you this every day.)
We need to choose people who believe in us. We need people who can challenge us with a benefit and we need to choose people who inspire us to move in the best directions possible. This is what it means to have a healthy circle of influence.
Safe to say that no one does everything alone.
Safe to say that success is not reached alone.
It’s also safe to say that there are people in this world who are always there when it counts. They are human too, which means there’s no need to put anyone up on a pedestal; however, creating a bridge of respect and honor and allowing people a high stage in our life is a benefit.
No one is better, above, below or beyond. Instead, we are all valuable resources to one another.
Now . . .
If we have to be mindful of where we invest our time and energy, then we have to understand what our time and energy is worth (or not). We have to recognize who fits in our circle. Adversely, we have to understand who doesn’t fit.
Who fulfills us?
Who support’s us?
Who benefits us?
Who provides an interactive and working system of an even exchange; whereas, rather than tit-for-tat or anything of the sort, the confection is paramount and mutually ongoing.
Or on the opposite side of the spectrum:
Who drains us?
Who leaves us bankrupt?
Who leads us to defend our points of view in an uncomfortable way?
Who causes a harsh level of internal judgment?
Who burdens us?
And why?
There are countless combinations of people, places and things. There are millions of different keys in this world. I say this as an analogy.
Each key is designed to work with a specific lock. This means some keys won’t fit and no matter how we jiggle, even if the key fits in the cylinder, the wrong keys will never open the right locks.
I have had to learn this the hard way.
I have dressed myself for parts that were unfitting. I have tried to befriend people who, in fairness, I never saw them as friendly at all. But hey, in the world of social and financial status and in the professional realm of “go along to get along,” I allowed myself to compromise my values, just to fit in and just to get ahead. But not anymore.
I chose to stop that.
I chose to stop looking over my shoulder and seeing if anyone would miss me after I left. I had to stop contemplating moves and I had to stop rehearsing my next best speech to show why I was valuable or deserved to be loved or wanted.
I don’t look to compete in arenas like this anymore because, quite frankly, there is no competition when it comes to love and respect for oneself.
I made the choice to stop pleading my case. I’m not here to convince anyone to include me. I’m not here to sell myself to anyone or look for the highest bidder. I don’t have to choose my friends according to their status.
I have learned that yes, it’s best to build bridges, not walls.
More so, I have come to the understanding that wars are expensive and that battles can cost us more than we expected. Therefore, I am not here to comply with a surrounding that is not fitting or acceptable for me. Instead, I look to move on.
I don’t need to be popular. I don’t need the spotlight (anymore) and lastly, I’ve grown since high school which means I don’t need to find my place in the cafeteria or sit at the cool kid’s table.
At the same time, I know that I cannot go through my life alone.
I’ve tried and, in my loneliness, I swear the quiet was the worst echo of all.
I know that the voices we hear are important.
So choose the best people of all. Choose to be around people who speak and, somehow, the world seems to be better just because you know them.
Pick the people you want to be around. Pick the right ones and stay away from the fake ones.
Look to speak with people who talk about ideas and not others.
Look for people who discuss growth.
Look to speak with people who enjoy life instead of complaining about it.
This is not to say that we don’t need to vent sometimes, of course we do. But when we vent, let’s choose who we vent to. Let’s recognize that our relationships are to be mutually beneficial and reciprocal. Let’s not hold people hostage to an emotional dumping site.
Understand something:
People who understand what it means to feed each other on a fair basis will never starve.
And me, I’ve starved for too long.
I was hungry for so long that I almost forgot what it means to eat.
But that’s me and this is not just about me. This is about us. This is about the rebirth of sanity and the understanding of our freakouts and how to avoid them. This is about building a new life and understanding that stronger external connections begin from within.
I offer my personal background to provide an understanding and hopefully to act as relatable contrast which I think is both humanizing and helpful.
I say this because rather than be a know-it-all, or rather than be some wellness guru or big-shot, I’d rather be human. I’d rather build and reach out to create more connections than fuse my edges to limit my association with new people and new opportunities.
If who we speak with and who we include in our life is equal to a better investment of a stronger future, then let me invest wisely.
Let me choose the best investments possible.
Let me steer away from people who cause me to guard myself and let me include people who cause me to be comfortable in my own skin.
Let me choose people who support my efforts instead of degrading them.
Let me choose to invest my time in people who understand how to be reciprocal instead of one-sided or selfish.
When we talk about choosing the soundtrack or finding the right music to inspire us when we exercise, we should also include the best narrators too.
I don’t know if you can hear my voice right now.
I wish that you could though.
Either way, make these choices for your own best benefit.
Choose the right people.
These are the people who we speak with on a daily basis. These are the people who mean so much to us.
Find them. Trust them.
Be loyal to them.
Love them as they love you back.
Laugh with them. And live with them.
I can’t promise you the world (and neither can anyone else)
But I can promise this –
Being alone doesn’t promise you much either
You know?
The Written Addiction 