I remember being told that “Whatever people think of me is none of my business.”
So, whatever people think or whatever their intentions are and no matter if they wish me well or otherwise, none of this is my business.
We talked about the meltdowns and the freak-outs and the reasons behind them. We talked about the different birthplaces that connected us to our irrational assumptions and the bouts we experience with shame. There’s a reason why we look to defend ourselves. Often, these reasons come from an emotional content that stems from within. However, there is a way to improve and there is a way to overcome ourselves.
But first, we have to understand that we do not have to own or claim anything that does not (or should not) belong to us. And more, no matter what, we have to find a way to forgive ourselves – even if we think we are unforgivable; still, we can’t live in the constant stages of guilt.
So, it doesn’t matter what people say.
Unless, we allow it to.
I was told to stop taking things personally because even if it is personal, it can’t affect me unless I allow it to.
I was told to be mindful of how I invest my time and my energy because misery is always out there and anxiety will always be around to offer me a seat.
But if I want to be happy and free from the emotional captivity which takes place in my head; or better yet, if I want to rid myself of the wrongs from my yesterday, then I have to understand the line which has been drawn before me. I have to learn how to redirect myself. I have to accept “what is” and “what took place” and rather than pick this apart with what “could have” or “should have” happened, I have to understand whatever could’ve or should’ve happened, did happen.
There’s no changing this. I have to accept this fact. Otherwise, I’ll end up owning the opinions and the predictions that do nothing but provide me with a great disservice.
And again, this disservice comes from within.
I have heard people in the midst of great breakdowns and listened to their tales and their stories. I have also found myself in the center of worthlessness and, at the same time, I have found myself in the midst of irredeemable moments of such infinite sadness and despair and in the depth of regret self-propelled faults, I have been to the place where all seems lost and nothing seems to work.
I have heard people say things like, “No matter what happened and no matter what you’re going through, you’re worth more than you could possibly imagine.”
You are worth it.
I have heard people say, “You make a difference!” and when this was said, this was said with such zest and appeal; this was said in a motivational voice and so loudly and so proudly, yet I understand the other side of depression. I understand tragic ideation. I understand the disbelief. I understand the helpless and hopeless nature of believing nothing can or will get better.
Nothing works. Nothing’s right.
Why bother?
Why try?
Yes, I have been in the position where you can’t see the forest from the trees.
Or in my case, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. It seemed that I had created hatred and anger and resentment that could never be solved.
I can say that there are times when I have given in to my insecurity and in the need for at least some kind of relief, I had reached for absolutely anything nearest, just to gain at least a semblance of warmth or kindness. Yet, I walked away empty.
I have had enemies before and, sure enough, I will have them again. I will face the sharp, razor-tipped spears of slander and character assassinations.
I will face adversity. I will face people who have something to say and I will face people who don’t like me or worse, they hate me with all of their heart.
This will happen.
And this will hurt too.
However, I was told that this is none of my business.
I was told that granting people so much power that I literally allow them to disturb my happiness is a drain on my personal economy. This robs me of my true worth. No matter what happened or took place, I have to always remember that if I am falling behind or losing to my thoughts; I have to look for my recovery. Otherwise, the emotional quicksand does nothing else but pull me in deeper.
What people think or say is none of my business. What people want for me is none of my business. Whether someone wishes me well or even if they wish me the best; no matter what comes at me from the outside or what happens in my external world, none of this is my business because none of this can bring me closer to the life I want to have.
No, that job belongs to me.
No matter what takes place, I have to understand where I begin and where I end. I have to understand that in life, we have to practice a level of positive and constructive detachment.
This is perhaps the greatest artform of learning how to “let go” and learning how to move on;
otherwise, we tend to cling onto the unwanted and the unnecessary.
This is why our boundaries are so important.
This is our safety barrier. This is the contract which defines our shield. Rather than entertain the punishment of our internal narrative, we can change our rhythm by living in the solution.
Better yet, we can change our personal chemistry by reaching out for the next best thing.
I was told that there is no more right or wrong. I was told to think of things along the lines of good, better or best.
Did something happen?
Yes.
Good.
Did you like what happened?
No.
Good, then what can we do to make things better?
Or wait –
What can we do to make the best out of a challenging situation?
I was told not to give in to the internal narrative and to never play the movie out in my head.
I was told that if I think it, I can see it; and if I can see it then I will be it.
So rather than see the catastrophes and rather than see the tragic scenarios or allow my worst assumptions to take hold; I have to think about my recovery.
I have to work on my appeal and redeem myself with actions that act in retaliation towards my worst possible fears.
I cannot simply live in my mistakes nor can we allow ourselves to give up, or quit, just because of what other people think or say.
(Even if what they say is right or true.)
All I can do is remain. I have to keep going.
I have to keep working and keep moving, or pivot, or look for an escape. I have to find a way out of this. Or, I have to look for the next break in the road because while I understand there will be fallouts and there will be breakdowns; I cannot forfeit my life simply because of them.
I can’t stop living.
I can’t quit because of my fears or the sadness that someone out there doesn’t like me (or love me) and rather than succumb to this, I have to be vigilant.
I have to be consistent and persistent.
I have to understand that karmic debt is real and while I know that I have faults and flaws, and I know that I have mistakes, which I will unavoidably pay for; I also have the right to repair and recover and regain my composure.
I had to learn this. Sometimes, I’ve had to learn this the hardest way possible.
I had to come to the understanding that neither one of us is going to die, simply because we were hurt or because someone has an unhappy or hateful opinion of us.
No one dies because of a breakup or if a relationship doesn’t work out.
No one dies because a person slanders them.
Internally, I get it. Words hurt.
But this is not a death sentence.
I agree with one of my favorite authors, Robert Fulghum when he said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will break our hearts.”
I understand this. I can say the same thing for actions because oftentimes, actions speak louder than words.
I understand what it means to make a mess or to create a messy situation.
After all, I am human, which means I am good at things like this.
I’d love to say that I’m perfect and that I’ve never hurt a soul.
But that’s not true.
I am insecure too.
I have bouts with my internal narcissist
I’ve been selfish and definitely self-centered in my life.
I’ve hurt great people who did not deserve it; and as for this debt, again, karmic debt is unavoidable.
And I get that . . .
I had to learn that although I have done undefendable things and that in many regards, there will be people who’ll never forgive me; I can neither allow this to ruin my life nor can I refuse to forgive myself.
I am a man who has true sorrow for my sins. I am a man who has hurt people that I care for and through a selfish regard or in my selfish shortsightedness, I have done things that I feel awful about.
In fact, I believe they call this being human.
I own this. I claim it.
I understand it. To be my best, I have to process this because while I might have done something against the grain of my true self, this does not mean I am a bad person or undeserving.
This means that I have to rethink my strategy and find my best possible recovery.
It’s none of my business who’s on my side or not.
It doesn’t matter if I am forgiven or pardoned.
I have to own my wrongs. I have to understand the transaction that took place.
I can offer my apologies and make amends whenever and wherever possible.
But in some cases, the best amends is to steer away and leave people alone.
Let them be them and let us be us.
At the same time, I understand the absence and the hurt and the aftermath of a blowout.
But this is not about fights or arguments.
This is about our rebirth of sanity.
This is about the reversal and changing the polarity to find our sanity.
And should this be our goal to do so and I know that it is, then this is what we have to do –
We have to allow ourselves the right to acknowledge our truth.
We have to understand our boundaries and rather than take on the outside opinions or predictions, we have to replace these thoughts with beneficial actions – even if no one else cares or appreciates it, no matter what, we simply cannot give way and allow our thoughts to pull us backwards into the darkness of an unforgivable despair.
Say you’re sorry.
Apologize – mean it
and let this go.
(understand?)
I go back to those words
No matter how tired you are . . .
No matter how hurt you are . . .
No matter what happened . . .
No matter what you did or wanted to do . . .
No matter what –
You absolutely make a difference in this world
The day you give this up is the same day that you’ve surrendered to a lie.
With all of my heart, I’m asking you please –
Do not let this happen.
Not even once.
The Written Addiction 