When?
This is a great word. It’s a great question as well and a hopeful one at that.
Now that we are facing the close of this journal and since we have been talking about the rebirth of sanity, the question “when?” is an important one to ask. When is a pivotal word in a sense and a word that I have been on either side of for a very long time.
When?
At what time or at what point?
I can remember the first time I thought about the question of “when?” from a wellness perspective.
I was watching an interview with a famous athlete. He was struggling with suicide. As much as he had in the bank and as high as he was in the rankings of the best of all times, and regardless of his popularity and his ability to have anything he wanted; his life was still empty and unfulfilled.
The athlete began to talk about his turnaround and what signaled a change in his life.
He went into a question that a life coach asked him.
“When is it your turn to have the life you want to live?”
I am sure that I had heard this question asked before. I’m sure that in some way or variation I have been asked this question too.
When is it your turn to live the life you want to live?
I have been asking myself this question for a long time. When?
I cannot say that I know if I’m on the right path or if this is the way to go.
I can’t say that I have always followed the truth of my heart nor have I always followed my intuition.
I can account for several decisions in my life when I allowed my faith to be distracted with doubts or fears of the unknown.
But now that I am working through this and since I am no longer allowing myself to be stuck in the ideas of rejective thinking, I am creating a new source of redemption for this next chapter in my life.
However, and for all intents and purposes behind this journal, in my new efforts and as far as I have come in this life; I did not come this far just to come this far.
I am currently in new and uncharted territory. I am alone for the moment, and by myself in a new way, which is both frightening and intimidating.
I have tools and talents and abilities. At the same time, we do not always trust or know how to use our personal tools or skills.
In times of new intimidation, the ideas of “when?” can become a burden to say the least.
I see how we agonize over thoughts which pertain to items that are not within our control. This comes true when we deal with people, places and things. I can see this when it comes to items and affairs of the heart. I can see this from a professional, personal and legal perspective.
I can see how our weakness is overthinking.
We tend to analyze life, the people we live with and the life we have and the life we want to achieve.
I am looking now and searching harder for “the way” so-to-speak.
I want to find my path. I am looking to find what I believe is my place in this world, to which I am searching for a destination. As I search, I am soul searching and hoping to share this place with the love of my life. However, there are times when my so-called reasoning mind is not always reasonable.
My fears get in the way and complicate the simple nature of what I want, which is to be happy and simply enjoy the day.
Overthinking causes me to lose to doubts that push my dreams further from me and as this builds, my hopes become too distant to even consider.
I have talked about this in my previous journals as well. To be clear, I plan on talking about this more because rather than have the best-foot forward answers all the time; I’d rather be human and expose these ideas honestly. I say this because honestly – this is how people can relate to each other and improve.
So?
When?
When are we going to stop overcomplicating our life?
When are we going to learn how to simplify our lives and rather than overthink or over analyze or rather than look for the faults and flaws, when are we going to allow ourselves the right to connect our dreams and to live our lives and be happy?
As in, once and for all . . .
There are risks at hand. There are dreams at stake.
There are goals and plans and strategies to consider.
There will be good times and bad times and times where, Goddammit, I swear it’s enough to make us curse and spit, which isn’t always a bad thing (if you ask me).
But, when the “when” questions are answered, we find that we can live now and have the life we’ve always wanted.
This is my goal. This is what I’m working on and this is the earth beneath the roots of this journal.
This is my inspiration to find a way and the motivation I need to picture my life and then make things so.
I have one more entry which is how I will conclude this journal.
Tomorrow I will write about my investigation and discuss the question “why?”
My “why” is my purpose.
This is my everything . . .
Also . . .my why is YOU!
The Written Addiction 