My next chapter is opening up in ways that I had not expected. I have not seen too much of my new neighborhood. However, I am learning the streets now. I’m finding my way around and carving a new path as well as a new daily routine. My trips into the City are somewhat easier and quick too, which is good in the morning.
Still, there’s more to come. There’s more to a move than just “moving in,” so-to-speak. There’s more for me to handle and learn. But that’s fine.
I don’t mind learning. I don’t mind the growing pains as much anymore either – because I know they can’t hurt me forever.
(Whomever “they” may be.)
I was telling you more about my love and what my love looks like. At the same time, there is a distance between me and my love, which is only temporary. And I know that.
Then again, everything in life is only temporary because the truth is we are temporary.
I can say that fact is forever, But what does forever mean anyway?
I can say there are times in our life when we thought that pain would last forever.
I can say that there are times in my life when I swore that my loneliness or my pain or heartache would go on forever. To springboard from that, there were times when I swore that I would never be able to find my way through the muck of my life or the darkness. But that’s not true.
I’m still here.
(Aren’t I?)
We are more resilient than we think. We are also far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. We are better than we believe and more important to each other than my words can express.
The truth is we can survive unthinkable things. We can adapt. We can grow, we can overcome and recover and become bigger, stronger, quicker and better.
To be honest, I know that I am a better person because of this (and because of you too) however, in the thick of it all and in the middle of our own private chaos, let’s face it – times can be tough.
Life can be a bitch too and when times are the toughest, it seems like life will always be this way.
But, always is a really long time. And so is forever.
I don’t mind saying that I will always love you and that my love for you will last forever.
My life has changed; however, so this means I have to learn to communicate differently. This means I have to adapt and grow, mature and overcome my mild to moderate intimidations.
I don’t mind saying that the feelings I have and the warmth I feel for you is bigger than anything else. It’s bigger than me and bigger than you or the both of us.
However, the imperfectness of our lives tends to lead us astray. Sometimes our minds and our thoughts betray us. Sometimes our actions betray our hearts. And that’s the truth.
Sometimes, I swear – it’s like the rain won’t let up and our personal storms never seem to go away.
It’s like the pain doesn’t stop. You know?
Or it’s like destiny is just a tease and the elusiveness of love or happiness or the ideas of happily ever after are nothing more than a wisp of hope that taunts our hunger on days when we’re starving. But hope is real. And sometimes, that’s all we have.
Hope . . .
I can assure you that the world is huge and the universe is infinite. I can also assure you that good times will come. As well, I can assure you that bad times will come along to accentuate the difference between us at happy times and us when the world falls apart.
I was organizing the kitchen last night.
I want to make my new place livable and comfortable.
I want to prepare for the days when the weather’s bad and there’s no going outside.
I know this is life.
And so do you.
Life is a maze. It’s a bunch of twists and turns.
Life can be lonely. Or better yet, life can be loneliest when we find that we are somehow mismatched and need to change our surroundings.
I tell you that it’s hard – to get up or to move away.
It’s hard to push yourself away from the only tables you’ve ever known, and to just stand up, push your chair back in politely and then to turn and go.
This is hard. This is brave. However, in the case of happiness and with our best interests at heart, this is the only way we can see ourselves clearly.
This is the only way we can stand a chance at happiness. Should we want to find that sense of internal peace, or if we want to let the demons rest and find ourselves somewhere, like if we want to be someplace in the sun where the wind is warm, the sky is blue and the air smells like it does behind a building called 100 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach – or if we want our real life to begin; the idea of stepping away or changing our scene is not quitting or giving up nor is this a swivel or spiraling defeat. No.
I believe this is the road to victory. This is our path towards success.
This is our way, our hope and our truth.
I believe that most people are too afraid to make the jump.
I believe that most people can become locked in their own standards and that since it may seem like there’s no escape, they stay with what is and what was.
People can live stagnantly for a very long, long time.
But what if we want more?
What if we want happiness?
What if we want passion?
What if we want something with more appeal and something that is more serving of our internal needs?
What if we have a vision and we want to recreate our life to match this vision?
Or –
What if we want something more lively instead of a flat-lined life that is otherwise lifeless or routine?
It’s not easy to readjust or set sail for a new destination. I get it. The fear of the unknown is a real bitch. And it’s out there, the demons of disappointment and dismay. They’re out there too. And they’re waiting. But do you know what else is out there?
Hope. Life. Experience. Love. Passion. Visions. Accomplishments and victories beyond our wildest dreams.
These things are out there as well.
I think I’ll spend my time looking for them because I already know what it means to find more of the same.
I was told that we only see what we focus on. I was taught about something called focus bias, to which if we focus on our worst, we only see the worst.
Or we can look for the light. We can listen to the music. We can dance in the street if we want to because dammit to hell, the world is ours!
We just have to claim it.
You know me . . . I like to claim things.
Therefore, I claim this – my love, my life, my dream and my reason to push myself away from the tables that I needed to walk away from, to push the chair back in and to walk away, for everybody’s best interest because we all deserve to be happy. I want that for everyone.
I really do.
Yes, life is hard. And sometimes, life gets harder.
Sometimes, there’s no one around to talk to or understand.
Then again, there’s always me.
There’s always us. There’s always this.
There’s always my ears to listen – even if I shouldn’t say a word.
Nothing about our life should ever be lonely again. Nothing in life should ever be stagnant or flat or simply routine.
So, let’s switch it up.
Let’s live. Let’s be like two kids who were given a few bucks and found their way to the candy store.
Let’s chase fireflies if we have to. Or if nothing else, let’s sit and watch the waves roll in like they do behind 100 Lincoln Road.
It’s a pretty place.
Then again, the world is full of pretty places.
Our job is to make time for them and make a plan to go see them – wherever they may be.
Operation Destination:
Pick a place
Make a plan
Make it so
And make it memorable
This way, nothing will ever be flat again . . .
Or lifeless
The Written Addiction 