The idea behind this trip is so that I can somehow make my way through this next chapter. I want to heal as best as I can.
But this change is a hard one.
The upcoming moments are unclear and I am trying to process a brand new life. Again, all of this is unplanned and the uncharted territory is enough to make any man crazy.
And am I crazy?
Sure . . . 
You bet I am.

I took a long drive yesterday . . .
I had to do something to be stronger than the voices in my head yet, the drive itself does not replace much of my thought with action. However, I do see this as either healing or cathartic.
The drive, I mean. 
The radio plays at a moderate level. Not too loud, but just loud enough.
Do you know what I mean?

It is August and we are midway through the month.
Soon, our side of the world is going to lean away and be farther from the sun. This means that cooler months will prevail and that sooner than we think, it will be the holiday season.
This was interesting to me when I moved through the grocery store last night. I had to get some last minute things and there it was. I noticed the aisles that were filled with Halloween decorations. I see this as an upcoming event which leads to an interesting time of year.
These are the months that are both the coldest and warmest of them all.
I say this for different reasons of course.
Either way, I am here now. Speaking of now – I am trying to find my way.
But my way keeps changing.

Am I scared?
Sure. I’m scared. I’m scared of the unknown and the obvious and yes, I’m scared of what might happen. Lastly, I’m scared of the great abyss or the depth of personal despair which comes with ideas and thoughts of shame, turned inwards and then festering like a sore that won’t go away –
Again, these are all concepts of the mind.
I know this and so do you.
However, I also know that this only lives and breathes so long as we keep this alive.
Right?

I was never sure if I knew what love is. I suppose I compared it to the artwork of Benfield, which I am certainly a fan of him and Thomas Kinkade. Either of them, for some reason, have the ability to inspire me with their paintings. But wait – what is this?
Is this too sappy for an early morning explanation of where I am (or why)?
But wait – there’s more.

I suppose all of this goes against the grain of what I was taught. All of this goes against what I used to think or believe. As far as what it means to be a man, I understand that my definition has changed over the years.
Then again, I have changed over the years too. I am not who I was nor do I want to be who I used to be.

At the same time, I am working on this new life which I have been telling you about. I realize that I have to let go. I have to unburden myself, which means I have to rid myself from the wreckage of my past or the so-called past dilemmas that either led me towards an idea of personal destruction or furthered my drowning moments in emotional quicksand.

I suppose the real question is . . .
What if I take a shot?
What if I go at it and I miss?
What if I give it everything I have and I come up short?
Or worse, what if I fall and then I end up with dirt on my face?

This letter to all is my letter of intention.
This is to you –
This is to the one who keeps my time. This is to the one who keeps track of my mistakes and my faults and to the one who reminds me of my misspoken chaos or the times which I regret.

Life has a way of directing or redirecting us to where we’re supposed to be. This has nothing to do with whether we favor our position or not .
I believe this. I believe in the nature of our soul and I believe in destiny.
I believe this with all of my heart and with all that I have because whenever possible, no matter how dark or stuck life might seem, I know that somehow, there’s a plan for me. I know there’s something out there. However, I also know that on many occasions, it’s been me who stood in my way.
As for the way, the light, the truth and the hope, I believe that this is out there too.
I know it is. So come what may, I will do what I have to.
I will go where I need to and should I fall, then I’ll get up.
Should I see something inspiring or motivating that in my heart, I can feel this, deep down, then I’ll know that this is where I want to go.

So why write?
What does this do?
What do these journals do?
Does this help?

Maybe . . .

I am sitting in a small room, softly lit by a small lava lamp, which is important to me for different reasons. For all intents and purposes, I suppose I will call this my living room and my writing room. Above anything else; I suppose I’ll call this place my shelter from the storms.
Behind me is the blowing-hum of an air conditioner which is in the window of an upstairs apartment in a small house. I am sitting at a small desk, which is big enough for me and my laptop which, of course, is the way that I am speaking to you now.
I am building a new space for myself which is far from easy nor is this without any challenge or damages. In fact, i have plenty of both at the moment. But then again, who doesn’t?
So much has happened in such a short amount of time; hence, this is my reason for this journal. This is why I have decided to call this my notes from the neighborhood. This is my new spot and my new neighborhood, which means I have the chance to create a new beginning for myself.
I think I’ll call this my opportunity . . .