Prose from the Bucket List – Stick-to-itiveness

I remember back when I was a kid and The Old Man would tell me that I quit too easily. He’d say that I gave up too quickly, that I didn’t even try or that whenever things were tough or the fight was too much, I’d fold up and give in.
He told me that I didn’t have any stick-to-itiveness.
Stick-to-itiveness . . .
It’s a good word

The definition of this word means the quality of a person which allows them to do something or to endure and to persevere regardless of the struggle or the unpleasantness of what happens around them. To finish what we’ve started. I think I want to do that . . .
Not to finish anything; but more, I want to run in the cycle of mini-completions so that I can be almost like a machine and churn with pistons that prove my engines work and that, alas, I can achieve and accomplish anything – I can do anything.

I suppose this is the means it takes to overcome adversity.
I suppose this is what it takes to find that special “thing” that beats within us and allows us to go. No matter what happens, no matter if it hurts, no matter if failure or falling down is still the only thing that’s guaranteed; stick-to-itiveness is that fire inside. This is our drive. We need this.
This is our motivation.
This is the clarity in which the distractions cannot mar or misshape our visions and our goals for our lives which are just a head.

Adversity –
To overcome rejection, to overcome loss, poverty, judgments, misfortune; or to overcome and overturn a past that has held us back, or to stand in the face of adversity; as if to stand up against the rage of the rising tides, or to fight back, even if there is no hope and – to fight back until the very last breath because yes, I see this now. I see this very clearly.
There are things worth fighting for.
Therefore –
There is no retreat. There is no surrender.
There is only the constant and steady process of our daily effort.
This is made up of two key ingredients: to be consistent and persistent on a daily basis.
No matter what –
We move this way, forward, and perhaps slowly or even incrementally but still – forward motion is at least forward motion.
Even if we get knocked backwards, our fight is what kept us from getting knocked even further back, which means if we didn’t have the drive or the fight in us, we could have been knocked backwards beyond oblivion and destroyed into dust – but no. We are still here.
Still going at it – and fighting.
I say this is worth something.
In fact, I say this is worth the title of being heroic, especially when we are fighting back – even in a losing battle.

The Old Man used to tell me that quitting is a hard habit to break. 
I had an old friend of mine named Mike – he used to tell me that he didn’t like A.A.
Then he’d laugh and say “because it’s for quitters.”
Meanwhile, Mike quit drinking years ago – said it was important to laugh though or to keep a light heart.
Otherwise, it’s too easy to lose your mind..

I think this is important to remember –

The thing about life is no one gets out of this alive.
That’s a quote from Charles Franklin
No one gets out of this life alive, he said.
Franklin also said: Life is a process. Not a goal.
He said: So live it now or you will miss it.
Franklin said: We have time to spend and no time to waste. 
I did not use his entire quote, which is all and equally inspiring; however, in this entry, my aim is to outline a few, specific details.

This is life.
Right here and right now.
We have tasks to do.
We have things that weigh on us.
We have questions and some of them are simple and answerable and others – well . . .
other questions are age old or unanswerable at best.
So, what do we do (besides keep going)?

I have news for you –
No one has been to the future and come back.
No one has a crystal ball. I have no guarantees.
Neither do you but the hell with it,
I’m taking a shot,.
No one can see what’s coming and although there are ways to hedge our bets and that if we work towards a dream or a goal, we are certainly working to get closer to them than if we do nothing at all – because otherwise, it’s like I’ve said to you before – the depth of our commitment is equal to the span of our success.
This commitment to live – it runs deep with me.

No garden grows without care.
No life grows without the proper attention.
And yes, we are very much alive.

Even if it seems or if it appears that life is lifeless or for the moment, even if we are at a turning point or stuck in the murkiness of indecision or doubt, we are still alive.
The fact that we have thoughts or that we have resistance to “what is” or the fact that even in the cases of depression or depressive thinking, the fact that we know we want more and we see that we have less, – this is a sign that somewhere inside of us is a rebellion. This is our burning desire.
This means there is something inside of us that is sick and tired of the status quo.
This means we don’t want the life we have. We want the life we want.
This means there’s something in us that wants more.
This is the art of us that wants the dream, or that wants the life we’ve always wished for; yet, for some reason, external circumstances were in the way, or we gave in because we lacked faith, or we quit or we sunk beneath the excuses because fear took hold of us, so we never tried, never dared, never risked our souls or the hearts that beat within our chest. 
I say fuck that!

Stick-to-itiveness –
We need this to dare the lines.
We need this to stand tall when the weight on our shoulders is heavy.
We need to dress up and show up, even when the odds are stacked against us.
But more –
We have to come to an honest understanding and learn the truest definition of a term called success. 

What does it mean to succeed?
What does it mean to be successful?
Is someone worth a billion dollars more successful than a person who rose from poverty?
They came from poverty yet with little to no finances, this person fed their family, educated their children, loved with all of their heart, lived happily or fully and created a long, full life for themselves and their loved ones. If this is so, why isn’t their success more valid than a miserable millionaire who is smug and unhappy at best?

Stick-to-itiveness.
This is why I come here.
But –
What have I stuck to?
What have I done?
What have I accomplished?
What am I prepared to do now, late in the game, back at the bottom of the hill and with an uphill battle ahead of me; if this is true, then what can I do to feed my will?
What can I do to keep my spirit so that no matter what, come hell or high water, what can I do to keep my feet moving after my legs grow tired and weak?

Simon and Garfunkel once sung: Preserve your memories. They’re all that’s left you.
I agree – and this is what I use to build my fire to stoke my engines which keeps me going.

I have been speaking with you about adding daily items on this so-called bucket list of mine.
Yes, there are days when the list seems unachievable and my hopes or dreams appear to be unobtainable.
There are times that yes, I am broken.
There are times when I lack the energy so I have to depend on my drive to keep myself going.
And yes, there are times when I want to quit.
There are times when I think all of this is just a waste.
No one reads anyway, right? Who cares? Right?

The world can be an uncaring and cruel place sometimes.
No?
The answer is yes.
The answer is there are easier ways but in my experience, each time I took the easy way out or took the supposedly easier way – I found that more often, I betrayed my true self because I took a different route.
I did this because I lacked the drive and the belief in “self: and the stick-to-itiveness to get what I want; as in exactly what I want.
People do this al the time. They forfeit their lives to this.
They should hold out instead of trading in for a lower value or settling on a trade.
I did this too; as if for some reason, I was a child of a lesser God and that somehow, I was less deserving of my true worth and happiness.
Happiness –
Now there’s a great word . . .

People live this way. Giving in instead of holding out, I mean.
I’ve done this. And so have you at some point.(No?)
I have seen this in myself.
I can live this way and quit – or I can fight for what I want.
I can work for what I need.
I can sustain the impact of letdowns and overcome them by continuing consistent and persistent – churning like the up-and-down pistons that move the heartbeat of my engine.

I am not here pretending to be Mr. Perfect.
No, I am very real and honest about my flaws and defects of character.
I have my list of mistakes. But I make mistakes
Mistakes don’t make me . . .

Today, my item is to remember my dream and to remind myself that I have not come this far –
just to come this far.
So?
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Get rest when you can.
And fight back because there are things in this world that are worth going to war for.

And you . . .
I will fight for you until the very last second of my breath
Because without you – I am not me.
Understand?