Let’s not mix words anymore.
Let’s be clear on this.
Let’s see what’s in front of us right now.
It has been decades now – the world we live in is changing.
No one is getting younger – least of all me.
Life has changed and currently, life is still changing. Life will always change.
I know that.
There will always be a reason to worry. There will always be a reason to reconsider our choices – or to overthink them.
There will always be a reason to balk or be afraid.
I know this.
And so do you.
I don’t know much about good or bad, right or wrong, or pass or fail.
I assume it is impossible to say that there is no such things as good or bad, right or wrong, or pass or fail.
It is impossible to say that we are either one or the other. Good or bad, I mean.
We are real though. We are people.
I know that everyone has their extenuating circumstances.
I know there are certain limits in life. There are impossibilities and specific or unfair margins which we have to somehow live in-between or learn how to coexist or coincide with.
Or at least so we are told.
But wait –
How long do we have to live according to this idea?
At what point do we stop making excuses for ourselves?
Rather than ask or wonder when something will happen – or instead of wondering when or if we will find the bravery to stand up and go after our dreams – instead of considering the what, why, when and where, what would happen if we stood up and ran toward this instead of running away for the rest of our lives?
What would take place if we made our choices now instead of waiting for a pivotal moment?
What would happen if we chased our dreams instead of ran from our fears?
I ask this because in the grand scheme of things – let’s see:
This is life.
We only get one chance.
We only have so much time because while time is infinite, the time we have on this earth is actually finite and limited.
We only get so many chances to go around the sun. Accordingly, we only have so much time to pull off our trick – so-to-speak.
Our life belongs to us.
However, there are times when we allow ourselves to lose sight of our dreams, our wants, our needs, and thus, our life becomes an abyss or an otherwise abysmal concept; whereas, we sink and submerge in the lost variations of our soulless life.
We quit. We give in.
We live without passion, without spirit, without drive, without hope or, at minimum, we live without the simplest version of basic satisfaction which is enough to say, “Ah, what a beautiful day it is!”
I have no words for anyone who cannot stop themselves or get off the ride they’re on because they believe, “Oops, it’s too late.”
It’s not too late.
We are not stuck.
All I can say is strap yourself in.
It’s gonna be a ride. That’s for sure.
I have been a person in the constant loop of an unsatisfied journey.
I call this my head. I call this my thinking. I call this my choices which limited my results.
More, I call this a projection or a standard which was met by the reduction of an otherwise or unhelpful thought process – otherwise known as habitual and limited thinking.
It is easy to look and think about the things that can or will go wrong.
Everything can and will go wrong at some point. And fine.
So?
That doesn’t mean this has to define us.
It’s not easy though. I’ll grant you that, but that does not mean this has to define our outcomes.
I have told you about my appreciation for the underdog.
Wait – no.
I would say this is more of an admiration because yes, I admire the underdog.
I admire the stick-to-itiveness that says, no matter what happens or what goes down, – I will not be moved. I will not give in. I will not break my stride nor will I allow myself to dissolve in the sad measures of a so-called defeat.
I have not lost – because I did not give in.
I have been a witness to people who chose their life first.
I have watched as others chose bravery over fear.
I have seen this. I watched heroes that are defined by this alone, and with this acting as the only measure because regardless of luck or the odds – I have seen people choose their destiny instead of allowing fate to choose it for them.
I go back to my three favorite words –
Go. Be. Do!
I think of this list that I have and the items that I add to it each day.
Or my so-called bucket list.
I think of the daily challenges that I see – or I consider the challenges that we all see in our daily life.
I’m not the only one here.
I get that.
I think about the common basis of unfair things which happens to everyone – all the time.
I cannot wait for life to happen before I die.
I cannot wait for others to open the door nor can I allow myself to settle or sit or either consciously or subconsciously allow the world to pass me while I stand still.
My first book opened with a chapter of my life –
I was on my knees. I was looking up at the ceiling of a small apartment.
I was sad as could be, tired as ever, hopeless, heartbroken, empty, alone and with nothing to look forward to or anyone to console me; I faced the edge of my own existence; as if to gander again at the crossroads of my life.
My friends had all grown or moved on in some kind of way. My family was distant. My Mother was far away. My Father was dead. My relationship with the rest of my family had either split for countless reasons or, if for no other reason, the closeness between us had either vanished or it became absolutely clear that there was no closeness at all.
I was sinking. I was tired.
Yet, there was a piece of me that was still alive and screaming to live.
This battle was both internal and uncomfortable to say the least.
Yet, that is the thing that no one understands about these moments –
There’s a piece of us who screams, “What the fuck!?!?”
There’s a part of us that wants to be better or wants to have more. So, internally, we rebel against our own actions because deep down, we know that we are being disloyal to ourselves.
There’s a piece of us who knows exactly what we want.
This is the part that knows exactly what we need to do to make our life better.
And we’re pissed because we’ve been disloyal to this.
Life cannot be held accountable for our dismissals of opportunity.
No, this is on us.
And so?
What does that mean?
It means go, be and do.
What else is there to do?
What else is there to keep us from trying once more?
Everything is only an excuse.
So, stop excusing yourself.
This is the item up on today’s list.
Let go of the shit that holds you back.
Relieve yourself of the unnecessary weight.
Choose your life. Not someone else’s.
Be you. . .
I cannot say that I disagree with my Mother when she used to tell me about life.
She’d tell me, “No one ever promised you a rose garden!”
She’d tell me it’s going to be tough sometimes.
Then she’d tell me that no matter what, she’ll always be proud of me.
She’d look at me with all of her Mom-like intensity and say, “Son, I’m your Mother” and “ I will always be there for you.”
Mom’s been gone for a while now . . .
It’s been quite some time since I saw anything that I could call “A sign.”
I believe in butterflies though
(Even if no one else does)
I see them sometimes.
Only, they don’t land on me like they used to –
And that’s fine.
I’m fine to know that there are people out there who need a visit from angels too – and to see a visit for them is heartily beautiful and warm to the soul – no matter what – because the kind of man I want to be is the man who can rejoice when something beautiful happens to others – and as a witness, I can count my blessings just to know I was there and to see someone smile.
I am not here for me as much as I am here to share this:
This is life.
Life is limited and time is finite.
I know what I want – and this might take time and yes, the challenge might be one that goes uphill.
Maybe I am the underdog in this.
But that’s okay.
I can be the underdog.
I’ve certainly been called worse.
Besides, being called the underdog is a compliment in my book.
This means that no matter what comes my way, I have not, will not and cannot give up – no matter how tired or weak or weary I might feel, my drive is bigger than things like odds or the strength of fate’s mighty hand.
Like I’ve said before – the underdog does not look at the scoreboard or the odds.
They just go forward and work for their dreams until their dreams come true – one dream at a time.
Do I have dreams?
You bet, I do.
I have them all the time.
I suppose that’s what inspired this series of journal entries.
It’s because I want to live them and not just dream about them
So, I say this item: One down.
I’ve exposed you and told the world
Now, it’s my job to make you so
Eternally ~
The Written Addiction 