I believe it was Robert Plant who said, “Does anybody remember laughter,” when he would sing the song, Stairway to Heaven, live and on stage.
Does anybody remember laughter?
What a great question.
Laughter – wow . . .
And then there was light. Then there was hope and truth. Then there was peace. There was a sense of lightness to the darkness and suddenly, all became clear.
Everything that was had gone away and become no longer.
At the dawn of this became us, as in the truth of “us,” as in the light, the hope, the heartbeat and the life of truest life at its very core – to be – to walk, to wonder and to live, and to love, to hold, or to wholeheartedly become so outpouring and so giving without the thought of return or the need for regard is such an amazing and freeing concept to me.
No ego.
No selfish pride.
And so, the answers to this riddle called life are there – out there, somewhere in this world.
I know they are.
And so, in the flesh, we are of the flesh; hence, in the spirit, we are of the spirit but for now, we are in the middle of so many things. Life and death.
So much is happening.
Life is all around us yet we are faced with daily and momentary decisions. We have to make choices, either quickly, incrementally or, of course, there are the plans that we have for our future which coincide with our long-term decisions. I say yes, we plant them like seeds so that we can nurture and cultivate these ideas – so that they grow and come to fruition.
I get that.
I cannot see a life without plans or decisions. To put this plainly, I see us all too often, worried about which way to go. Right or left. Up or down.
We are all too worried and all too questioning.
Too much theory and not enough action. Too much planning and not enough production.
Literally, I have sat in hour-long meetings that resulted in follow-up meetings and then break-out sessions to cultivate new ideas and set another follow-up meeting after that meeting – just so we can talk again and have another meeting which, of course, all of this could have been avoided with a simple decision and/or an email, saying, “Do this!” But hey, no one wants to tie their name to the wrong choices or make a mistake.
What a joke . . .
Oh, but I have news for you –
I read a statistic that says the human mind makes somewhere around an estimated 35,000 remotely conscious decisions. So, to keep myself out of trouble and to be transparent, I want to credit Frank Graff for his brilliance and his article published in PBS North Carolina, August 13, 2021.
According to Graff’s article, Cornell researchers say that we make an estimated 226.7 decisions a day on food alone.
Now, of course, I am not one for statistics.
I don’t know about their case studies or how they came up with these numbers – but, as for someone who nearly ate himself to death and was very overweight and unhealthy, I can say there were times that I was about average when it came to the daily decisions about my food.
But hey, I digress.
By the way, thank you Mr. Graff. Your article and my takeaway from this has helped me in my private life as well as others who I’ve shared this with. And yes, in the world of depression and mental health – let’s just say you’re a life saver.
So, yes.
Anxiety is a bitch. Even more –
and before I say this, I ask that you kindly excuse the profanity but I promise, I only use profanity where it fits. So . .
Anxiety is a mother fucker!
Trust me. It fits.
Fear sucks.
Fear based thinking is debilitating.
Irrationality and the irrational ideas that we come up with, the scenarios, or the tragic movies that we play out in our head which lead us to sad or unfortunate assumptions, which disturb our chemistry and stir our emotions; or wait, how about the thoughts that lead us to a pattern of thinking and string us to a daisy chain of chaotic assumptions and next; we have World War III going off in our heads.
Next, we look to protect ourselves. So?
We preemptively attack or due to our projections and assumptions of casualties, we find ourselves digging our heels into the dirt and preparing for weapons of mass destruction. We look to keep from losing our foothold on our sanity.
Meanwhile, the crazy part is that as we hold on tight and look to grip our sanity; or as we try so hard to keep our best interest from slipping through our fingers, we drive ourselves crazy – all because of imaginary scenarios, and like tiny grains of sand slipping through our fingers – our sanity drains from our hands – all because we held the wrong ideas, way too tightly.
I have news for you –
If we make an estimated amount of 35,000 basic decisions each day – put the bat away and stop beating yourself up.
No one is going to aim at a target and hit the bullseye 35,000 times after each shot.
We are bound to miss. We are bound to make the inevitable mistakes.
We are bound to screw up and yes, we are also bound to make history.
We can make glory happen and create beautiful things.
We can focus on the triumphs and the beauty of simple life rather than listen to the tragic assumptions in our heads or the fear of random catastrophes which can be impending or upon us.
Step back for a second.
Breathe –
Listen to that – do you hear it?
That’s the sound of absolutely nothing.
In fact, the sound is so quiet, you can hear the ring in your ears because otherwise, there is nothing else, except of course, for the sound of the voices in our head. And we all hear voices.
Like now, for example – as you read this, I wonder if you hear me talking to you, which is my intention.
Each and every time I write, I imagine you reading this, as if to be narrated by me; and you – your face is somewhat lofty, like a child so interested in a bedtime story; interested in every word. Also interested as if to imagine where I am or where I might be as I write this to you.
But anyway –
This is about my list.
This is about my daily and incremental improvements.
This is about life, the light, the hope, the peace and the freedom to live in the wide-open world.
Free to breathe the air. Free to make a choice without the burden of overthinking it.
This is about the relief from us, as in ourselves, and freedom from the burden of thinking far too much or looking way too deeply into every little thing.
And I get it –
We have to be safe, right?
We have to protect ourselves at all times.
We have to have boundaries.
Right?
Otherwise the entire world can walk all over us.
Or we can be vulnerable. Then what?
We can be taken advantage of or worse, we can relive an old hurt or an old fear. Thus, our history of shame or painful memories can (and/or will) repeat itself.
We have to be guarded sometimes.
Keep your cards close to the vest.
You just can’t trust anybody these days.
I lived this way my entire life and to what avail?
What has this done for me?
What has this done for my relationships with others, my family or my work?
Question everything – right?
Well – maybe.
But not entirely.
I believe in the soul’s right to question our fate
I believe in the soul’s right to seek or choose or to change and perfect our destiny.
But, to question the world or to question everything does nothing else but drain me and turns the world against me.
I can’t look for the wrongs or the faults or the flaws anymore.
Fuck the conspiracies.
Besides, I already know they’re out there.
I certainly know about my wrongs, faults and my own flaws.
In fact, I know them all on a personal level and we talk all the time because we know each other on a first name basis.
But the light and the hope, the search for peace or, even if at minimum, just to see a new pretty or beautiful thing each day, just to say hey, that was nice – just to realize that there are amazing, beautiful and worthy things in this world that are simple and both mesmerizing and common – I swear that if we agree to the terms, this can be enough to trigger the mind to realize that although there will be clouds and yes, there will be storms – still, it can’t rain forever.
I want to be young again; however, since age and time is irreversible, I have decided to claim my right to live my life to the best of my ability.
And that means yes, I can be a kid again.
Even better – I can go into a candy store and buy what I want.
I can stay up late and watch a movie if I choose. Even still – I might be aging, but no one can take the child away from my heart.
Not even father time. Not age. Not death itself can take this from me nor the fears of the dark or the monsters beneath my bed. Nothing can stop me
(but me).
I spent my entire life trying to hide myself.
I was too afraid to come out and be me –
But not anymore.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not ever.
Come to think of it:
I could use a trampoline or a fun little bounce-house, right now.
And yeah – tattooed from the neck to my waist, New York accent and all, I’d rather be a kid than be tough. I think this would be an easier life for me.
Yes, this would be an easier way to find the light, the hope, the truth and my peace.
And lastly, for the record, I think a game of hide-and-seek would be fun too.
But what about you?
Are you in?
1,2,3 – NOT IT!
The Written Addiction 