And no one knows what they’ll do or say.
Nobody knows how they will truly react until it’s real or until life is happening and it’s all live and in-person. This is what comes down when life is face-to-face and happening.
It’s not a dream or a thought anymore.
It’s not a fear or a fantasy.
No, this is life.
No one knows what it’s like to pull the trigger, so-to-speak.
Until they have to.
And life….
Crazy, isn’t it?
You can tell when something is underway. You can feel it.
You can tell when something is pending or think of it like this – remember what it was like to get a letter in the mail, back when they used to send your parents a letter home from school – you knew that trouble was coming.
You knew that something was in store.
But you didn’t know what to expect until it was live and happening.
I used to try and get home before my parents so I could intercept the mail.
Sometimes I’d get lucky.
Other times, I’d have to face the music.
But that’s life.
So, let’s be clear.
There are no preparations for life in real-time.
Sure, we can understand life from an intellectual standpoint.
We understand logic – we might not think logically.
But that’s different.
We understand why things happen.
We understand why water is wet and sand is dry.
The stove is hot and ice is cold.
We get it.
We understand what it feels like to have the warm sun on our face – and if you live north enough to feel the winter, we understand what it’s like to have a bright sun in the middle of February, but there’s no warmth and the blue sky is crisp and appears cold to the touch.
Life is alive.
We get this.
Then again, fear is alive too.
There is no dress rehearsal.
There is no preparation for things like, say, the moment that comes when we have to jump or make a choice.
And death – Sure.
We know all about life and death.
We know that we are born. We live. Then we pass away.
Right?
Therefore, we understand that there is a beginning, a middle and an end.
Better yet, we understand that there is a definable beginning and a definable end –
We might not know when the ending comes. I was told from a soldier, don’t worry.
No one hears that shot that kills them.
Morbid, yes.
But equally understandable.
Life comes with a start, a middle or in-between, and then comes the eventual and inevitable end.
It’s the middle that can change. This is pivotal.
It’s the middle part of our life that can either be spectacular, tragic or – we can submit and move to some soft place – or we can be safely placed in a mid-minded state, or live an average life at best with no challenges, no thrills, no passion or heat.
No life to live and no tastes of intimacy.
No surges of love, so beautiful, so crazy or even twisted and happily sick that yeah – safe to say, we can fall into the missionary style of a humdrum world and live this way – safely, or we can dare to dream and dare to breathe the fresh air.
Make no mistake.
We are all living in a life or death situation.
All of us.
We can both live and die, each day, on a figurative basis.
And dying alive?
Well, I think this is worse than death itself.
At least death kindled by the flames of eternal afterlife; in which case, at least we are freed from the bondage of our previous flesh. Alas, at least now we are of the spirit and not the flesh.
We can finally let go of our earthly bullshit.
What a sad existence – to live or feel or be totally and completely average . . .
As for life and death, we should learn from this.
For example, what about the people we love?
What about our loved ones?
What about the elderly who pass away or the younger people who die?
Theirs was a life that was real too; as if to leave footprints on the sands in our mind and a mapping in our hearts.
What about the lessons we learn from them?
What about the people who pass away?
Doesn’t this prove to us that life is only fleeting?
Doesn’t this teach us to live or enjoy because a moment can come and go – and so can we.
There’s no way to prepare for the moment –
Just live it. . .
Think of it like this:
What about those who are at the obvious stages and facing their personal sunset?
What about them in relation to us and our heart?
I ask this because you can know that death is coming. You can know that a loved one is sick and that yes, the eventuality of their life is moving towards an end.
Death is approaching. Then what?
No matter how expected this is, there’s no preparation for this.
There’s only the moment which succumbs to a numbness.
There’s the unreal, surrealness because as prepared as we thought we might be from an intellectual standpoint, emotionally, no one is ever ready.
But life
Yeah – life.
Life is alive.
Even if we aren’t really living.
Life is moving.
Even if all we do is stand still.
Nothing will stop just because we want it to.
Life is fleeting. Remember?
So –
There’s choices to make
Decisions are waiting
Life is out there.
And, so is glory.
So are the unmade triumphs that await us.
So are the physical barriers and the obstacles, just waiting to be overcome.
There’s love.
There’s hate and resentment.
There’s the future and hope.
And of course, there’s doubt and insecurity.
Of course there is.
All of this is so real yet, which do you prefer?
Would you rather stand tall and have your chin up, proud to defy the odds?
Or would you rather submit to the sad undertow of a life less-lived?
Do you want to find yourself at a place where nothing grows?
Do you want to be loveless?
Now, I grant that people will take the easy way out.
That’s always an option. We can subscribe to a safe life.
We can live in an almost loveless or neutral existence.
We can look for the excuses. We can pick out wallpaper or change the drapes to make up a life that looks pretty from the outside in.
And too –
We can pick our dreams apart and look for the cracks and the flaws.
We can come up with reasons about why something will never work.
We can find a reason to quit.
We can give up.
We can look for the different rationalizations as to why we chose the safer life.
Or we can argue or debate about why we settled; hence, we can submit to an otherwise unfulfilled life, safe in the realms of complacent mediocrity.
But meanwhile, where’s the life?
Where’s the living?
Where’s the feelings of the perfect, inalienable highs, that cannot be stolen or taken away?
What about them?
We want more.
We want the world.
We want the rise of our chest to fill our lungs with air, enough to be resilient and defiant. To us, each breath uses every bit of oxygen. So that when we breathe out – we can expel all the used up gasses from our life, as if to show proof that we can run and we can rage. We can live and we can defy the terms of our own limitations.
I am saying this to myself as much as I am saying this to you. . .
What is your bucket list?
Are you working on this?
If not . . .
Why haven’t you started?
Check off at least one item from this list on a daily basis.
But first –
What do you want to do?
What makes you tick?
What gets you going?
What fuels you?
Find these things so that rather than just living with a definable beginning and end, you can rise above and define the in-between which is life. Otherwise, life is only lifeless.
Trust me. I know.
That’s why I started this journal in the first place.
I use this as a push to myself so that like you, I can rise up from my own ashes –
and feel the light of a brand new day.
My item for today –
Rest up.
It’s Sunday morning before sunrise.
See what you want – and go for it
Without apology.
That means I’m coming
(for you!)
The Written Addiction 