Prose from the Bucket List – Now!

That’s the thing about life. There’s so much going on at once.
There are the basic things and good things and scary things and unsure things.
We have mysteries. We have questions. We have worries and unsolvable riddles.
We have thoughts and concerns, notions and curiosities and suspicions.
Life, right?
This is it.

This is us.
Live and in-person.

I know that I have uphill battles both currently and ahead of me.
I have struggles. I have benefits and bouts and the ability to find either positive or negative qualities around me.
This is all true.
I can look beyond the shackles of my so-called fate. I can look beyond my doubts or my insecure concerns that perhaps, somehow, something is “not right” or that I am too imperfect to find my fate and mold it to shape the outlines of my dreams.
I can consider all the miles that I have to walk and the mounds of bullshit that accumulate around us, or the headaches or the arguments.
Or I can zero in.
I can look to find my next best thing.
That’s a great idea.
I can search for moments that cure the heart or soothe the soul.

I can find the time to hear the music. I can listen to a song or hum along and sing one to myself.
I can do this . . .
I can think about a dance that puts a smile on my face.
I can think about a time or moment that was so magical to me, that the only thing I can do is smile. In fact, I can’t help but to smile – because the moment and the emotion behind it is so fulfilling, so overwhelming with goodness and joy that as I consider the memory, I find myself experiencing somewhat of a transformation. I go through a change; as if I can relive or re-feel the moment so vividly enough that the simple memory of this moment fills my heart – once more, with complete satisfaction. 

It is easy to find faults and be angry or resentful.
These things are simple and also abundant.
Look around. There’s no reason to look further than right in front of you.

Yet, still, this is life.
So much is happening.
Politics has become the new religion.

It is no longer a factor of which God you pray to.
Instead, society cares more about who you voted for or which side of politics you’re on – right or left.
Left or right.

Time is finite yet time is always moving.
Nothing waits for us. There are no time-outs.
There is no pause button. There is no stop, fast-forward or rewind.
There’s only “play.”

I have often thought about that word: WHEN?
When am I going to have the time to do the things I want to do.
When is it going to be my turn?
When am I going to give myself the permission it takes to make a move?
When am I going to make myself the priority that I need to be?

When am I going to dance again or sing, or when will I go out and take to an open field and let the sun shine on my face?
When am I going to allow myself that moment to feel the grass between my toes?
Or to stand at someplace which, to me, is a Mecca of my own – and when I find this, when am I going to make my pilgrimage to feel myself heal?
When am I going to overcome the criticisms in my head?
When am I going to learn to improve my internal voice?
When am I going to move and go and be and do?
When am I going to allow love to conquer all?

And ah, love.
It’s a common word. Yet love means so many things. Sure, love can be complicated.
Then again, love requires attention. Love requires time.
Hence, there goes that question again.
“When?”
Love is mutual and two-way yet love comes from within and without this, love cannot live nor survive in a vacuum.
No, just like us, love needs air to breathe; otherwise, love can suffocate.
Love can die. If we choose – love can live both stronger and brighter than the sun. 

But when?
When are we going to designate the time we need to further our journey?
When are we going to take the steps to reach the next best level?
What has to happen?
Do we have to lose more?
Do we have to lose another day?
Or can we say that hey, this is a good time to start.
As in now –
Not when . . .

I don’t know if or when the world will straighten out or if or when life will put me on an easier path.
I don’t know if or when the rains will come or when the sun will shine again. I don’t know who will come or stay.
I don’t know who will go or choose to abandon us or their post or their position in their life.
I don’t know how long I have left on earth.
Neither do you.
I don’t know if tomorrow will come with new or old tricks.
I only know that time is moving faster than we think and, as for me, I know that my time is limited.

I know all about the edges of our life. I know about the edges of sanity.
I know about the dangers of insanity and how we drive ourselves crazy – all the time, each and every day.. 

I really don’t know what will come next.
I don’t know if I will have help or not. Should the walls crumble around me or if my life takes a turn and I am humbled and beaten and broken; I don’t know if I will have to go at this alone.
Or if I find myself in the middle of another rebuild or facing a new form of recovery, I’m not sure if I will have to fight from my knees or from a full, standing position.

But, I do know this:
I know there is value to the question I call “When?”

When are we going to devote ourselves to our best life?
When are we going to learn to designate the time to create a better fate for ourselves?
When are we going to choose to build a better world for ourselves?

I might have to go at this by myself.
I might have to do this alone.
And that’s fine –

It’s only a decision.

So the question becomes, when am I going to make that decision?
What about you?

When am I going to choose myself?
This is a great item for today’s entry.

When are we going to start to live life?

I ask this because until the answer becomes, “Right now!” how are we going to reach our best?
How am I going to find my best sources of happiness?
When will we find the time to dance? Or sing? When are we going to learn to play along with the sun or the stars? When will we learn to enjoy things and realize that the “Power of Self” is more powerful than anything I could possibly imagine?

When?
It’s a great question.
How about now?
Because “now” is the only answer we’re looking for.

That’s the item to check off on today’s bucket list.

So,
What do we want?
Life . . .
When do we want it?
NOW!