I have seen people offer themselves to either an unfair gamble or the trade for a lesser value. I have watched as people either flushed their lives away or suffered through a tried forfeit because they either never believed in themselves or they never believed that their dreams could be real.
And sure –
I get it. This is all fear based. And as for the gamble, that’s okay. You took a risk. You gave it a shot, which is fine. You put something on the line in hopes that your desired outcome would come true. But there’s a difference between a gamble and a sucker’s bet.
I get that. However, I do support what it takes to “give it a shot” and take a risk.
I admire this too.
There are people who live a safe life. They make safe choices, which is not an altogether bad idea. However, there are times when, in fact, you have to step forward. You have to take a risk.
There are times when you have to ask. You have to tell the world what you want. You have to understand that as obvious as we think the world can be, we would be remiss and mistaken to assume that people can read our minds.
But still –
There are times when happiness calls. There are times when our desire is so great and surging, or building like a fire inside, and raging like a storm that it’s about to burst.
This is a great thing.
There are times when our heart cannot, would not and will not be content until – we reach, we scream, we claw, we cry and we fight as hard as we can until finally – we get what we want.
I love this idea.
I am a person who is not so different from what I have just described above. I am very real or even painfully real.
I have fears. I have worries and anxious concerns.
I have doubts and yes, all of these items I’ve mentioned have a voice of their own and each voice speaks to me, frequently, and for similar reasons. But on all occasions, I have that internal voice which either disrupts or disturbs my peace. I know that I am not alone when it comes to this.
I have insecurities. I have biased assumptions. And sure, I have been known to assume the worst possible outcome and due to this, I have allowed my thoughts to either sink or push me towards a submissive belief that no matter how hard I try, I will always come up short or be left in the cold – wanting.
“You have to have confidence.”
I remember hearing this.
Sure, I agree. Confidence is needed especially if we want to be happy.
We have to believe that things are possible – including happiness.
We have to be able to rely on our abilities because otherwise, the downfall can be severe.
Otherwise, we lose ourselves to the constant stream of overthinking and second-guessing.
Then what?
Where does this take us?
In which direction?
I have been told that people make their own luck. I have also been told that there really is no such thing as failure – so long as you are trying.
The only failing move is not to try – and yes, success comes after failure.
One could argue that this could be the birthplace of success.
But wait – let’s not pretend that life is simple. Let’s not act as if life is a pain-free ride and there are no such things as disappointments.
Life is real. So are disappointments.
However, if we are going to find what it takes to build and create and to surpass any of our personal limitations, then we have to understand that all of this comes from within.
But back to being a real person –
I am not sure if I am strong. At least, I am not sure if I am so much stronger than anyone else.
Yet somehow – in spite of my surroundings or personal downfalls, or in spite of heartache, in spite of my doubts, there are times when I have been able to stand, regardless of the worries in my heart or the fears of what comes next.
I know there have been times when the pain of loss or heartbreak was too great yet – somehow, I am still here.
I didn’t die – even though I swore, “This is killing me!”
I did not vanish or sink or drown in the emotional quicksand which is more of a mindset than it is an actual cesspool.
And yes, it’s true. No one wants to suffer. Nobody wants disappointment.
Nobody asked to feel pain – and I mean great pain. I mean the worst kinds of pain, the insurmountable ones that hurt the spirit and the heart.
No one asked to be the fool or to be hurt or anything of the sort. But, in fairness, life happens.
Seasons change and so do we. We move in different directions. We make mistakes. We say or do an off-hand thing.
We do things that we regret or feel horrible for.
No one asks for war or to fight or to hurt one another.
But again, life happens.
So, what are you going to do about it?
My reason to question this is because since this journal is about the ideas of happiness and about the findings of great or redeeming things, my question is where do we find the personal resolve or the secret of our endurance? Where do we find the wherewithal to get up and go? How do we do this even when it seems as if “our get up and go has got up and went?”
Little things –
They really aren’t so little.
I have little things. I have little keepsakes and mementos. I have little findings, like a ticket from a place near Central Park, or a small token, like a yellow pipe cleaner that represents a moment in time or an emotion that brings me to a better time or a memory of something lofty like the sight of a butterfly at an unexpected time at an unexpected place.
I know there are so many great things to see. And yes, since I am a real person who lives in a real world and at times, I have to endure real-life challenges and make real-life decisions. It is often that I miss the simple and obvious things around me,. This is really easy to do.
So, therefore, I have to stop and take notice of the little things which defy the worries and stand against my doubts.
There are times when all seems hopeless and still, regardless of how hopeless life can seem – somewhere and somehow, I know that there is hope for me.
I know that there is hope for us all. But of course, let’s be very clear – no one wants to hear this shit when they find themselves in the grip of a crisis.
My approach to crisis is to be honest about them. Be honest about your thinking. Do not underestimate yourself. However, do not overestimate your challenges.
Do not go down. Do not lay still. Do not allow your life to just “happen” or pass you by.
Do not stop. Even when the pain is thick and your vision is blurred, don’t quit because of some personal hysteria or allow the mad frenzy of thinking to either destroy or derail the life ahead of us.
To find happiness – we have to seek happiness.
We have to look for this.
But more, we cannot, should not and must not settle for the trades or gamble away our rights to a sucker’s bet.
No, our means to justify the ends is to honestly and earnestly work towards finding a happy future.
If you want it –
Do it.
If you need it –
Get it.
If you’re lost, or if your doubts are too heavy and the weight on your shoulders is weighing you down – dig deep.
Or, suffer the alternative.
No one ever regrets giving their all when it comes to giving their all to their dreams.
No one ever regrets their improvements of their physical and mental fitness.
It’s only when we allow this to slip away – this is when regrets come back.
This is where we find shame and other rejective thoughts such as blame, shame, guilt, fault and regret – and believe me when I tell you – those ideas are all motivational killers. In fact, the only motivation that comes with rejective thinking is the motivation to quit, to fail, or to self-destructively submit to the tides of life as the waters rise above our heads –
until we drown.
I don’t want to drown anymore.
I’ve done this enough –
To rise or to find happiness, I have to look for those tiny little things or those little reminders or mementos that bring me to moments of a redeeming light.
I might not be where I want to be (right now),
but that doesn’t mean my risk and my efforts are not going to take me one step closer.
I know they are. By the way, the same thing goes for you too.
In spite of everything that’s gone on – no matter how near or far we are from our goals – the only thing I wish for us to be happy.
I want this in whichever shape or form this comes in.
Only miserable people wish misery on others.
And I don’t want to be miserable anymore.
Do you?
The Written Addiction 