It is the last day of this year on earth and for whatever the reasons may be, the planets have decided to allow me another year around the sun. I see no reason to look back nor do I find any answers that are valuable enough for me to rethink where I am now because, of course, I’m at where I’m at.
I’ll be where I’ll be.
And what’s to come is what’s to come.
There’s no point in discussing the “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” ideas because whatever could’ve happen, did happen, and whether this is what should’ve happen is irrelevant to me now.
We’re at where we’re at. And we’ll be where we’ll be.
Anything else is out of our hands.

 I don’t know if there really is a real world. I only know what’s real to me, which is subjective of course. Yes, this is only subject to me and my interpretation and perception.
I know this –
I think about this thing we call our “real life” and at the same time, I wonder what this means.
Is anything real? Am I? Are you? Is this all a story someplace in a book? And us, we’re just characters in a plot where the universe watches to see if we’ll finally get the hint.
Maybe this is all a version of something that we’ve dreamt about or made up in our heads?
That could be too.
No?

This is a day that I will always remember. Yet, the day is fine for now.
It has been years since The Old Man passed. So much has happened. I have grown some. I’ve moved around quite a bit.
I’ve learned and I’ve changed. I’ve circled back and then stepped forward, only to find the need to circle back again. Once more, I come to an intersection of my life where I need to ground myself with a better sense of belonging.

I think it was years or maybe it was for as long as I was alive.
You tried to tell me. You tried so hard but, of course, I hardly listened.
Then again, isn’t this the trouble with kids?
They never listen . . .

I can see him standing there in the sunlight. He is my creator.
He is the one who helped bring me into this world. He is my first hero. He is my introduction to manhood and mentor, leader, teacher and Father.
I can see him standing in the sunlight and looking out from the shoreline.
The sun is beaming down on him. He has salt and pepper hair that is being swept by the wind.
It is summertime. I am young in this vision; however, as I look at him through my youthful memory, I look at him through the eyes of the man I am today.
I want to go back.
I want to tell him.

I said goodbye to organized religions a few years back.
Then again, I never said goodbye to my beliefs nor have I forgotten the traditions I was raised with. I have not forgotten the customs of my background or my heritage either.
In fact, I go through different holidays in my own way. I have my own regard for the spirit of the seasons.

For example, there is something called the Days of Awe, which are the days before the New Year and the Day of Atonement. This was something I was brought up with.
I go through this every year; however, my days of awe are not the same as the ones that take place during the High Holy Days.

It is warm for this time of year. December, I mean.
Perhaps this side of purgatory is expecting a mild winter. But who knows?
The idols we cherish have all but sworn off their poisons and to this day, I still can’t understand the how’s or why’s of life as it stands before me. However, I am fully aware that it has taken me 18,723 days to get to where I am. Nothing is so accidental anymore, at least not really.

Today is Christmas Eve, Sunday, December 24, 2023.
I say this and I also understand this might be obvious to you or to someone else out there in the universe who might choose to read this entry.
At the same time, I want to recognize the date.
I want to recognize the time and the weather, which is currently gray and, for now, the streets are mainly quiet. My little side of suburbia is modest and the streets are mainly uneventful at the moment.

There are so many variables that we deal with in life. There are the daily things that happen. There’s work. There’s the people we interact with. Then there are the unexpected casualties and the unforeseen tragedies. There’s love or the lack thereof. There’s friends and then there are the friends we have who weren’t really friends at all. There is a bit of everything under the rainbow down here on Project Earth.
There’s life happening. All day and every day.