I think about this –
There are more than 7 billion people in this world. I think about the craziest concept which is the fact that for whatever the reasons may be or in whichever way our paths have gone, somehow, here we are, connected by the directions of fate or destiny.
I think that’s wild.
I think about the hours and the days and the energies we have wasted on people, places or things that were not meant for us. I think we knew that somehow – something was not rightbyet we tried or we struggled. Or we accepted the unfitting challenges; or we accepted “what is” as if to be some common or norm and meanwhile, there is so much more out in this world.
Only, we never knew it.
We never believed that life could be anything other than what it is to us.
I think about the number of people who struggle with their own life and I include myself with this number.
I think about the challenges we face with different social, emotional and personal conduct disorders that plague our society.
I think about the number of people who live with depression. I think about the people who live with substance or alcohol abuse disorders. I think about the different versions of anxiety disorders and then there’s the challenges we see that link us to unfortunate and untimely deaths.
I think about the commercialized statistics of people who die or lose their life to addiction or depression. I think about the different groups or the foundations who platform their existence and – I think about the combined number of people whose deaths were either alcohol or drug related. To me, I think there’s something amiss.
I think about the publicized movements who scream for awareness, as they should. However, no one talks about the number of people who die as a result of obesity related deaths. To be clear, if we added the deaths that were alcohol or drug related together, the sum of them are still less than the amount of people whose deaths are obesity related.
And we haven’t even touched on the subject of cigarettes or smoking-related deaths, But still, my point is bigger than this.
We are a crutch related society.
Why?
I don’t care about the symptoms . . .
I care about the reason.
We have plenty of awareness campaigns. They’re everywhere.
Everyone knows that smoking is bad. We all know the importance of a healthy diet. We all know about the benefits of exercise. We know that drinking or drugs or life in the floods of excess can absolutely be deadly. We know about the numbers of suicidal deaths.
In fact, I have read statistics that say every 40 seconds and others that say suicidal deaths occur every 42 seconds, worldwide.
No one wants to hear or read about this.
But I get it . . .
Besides, this journal is supposed to be about happiness.
Right?
This journal is supposed to be about finding that special “thing” that creates a magical sensation in our mind.
This is true.
The reason for my journal is absolutely about the need to find “that thing” or to look for the little signs or to recognize the simple beauties which surround us on a daily basis.
Absolutely, that is my intention.
The reason for this journal is to outline that life is precious and the world is a beautiful place.
This is a world where people connect, magic happens, love takes place and life can live on in such an amazing direction.
Yes, this is absolutely what this journal is about.
However, this journal or any other journal that I write is also about honesty.
And honestly, I see people struggle. I am one of them.
As a matter of fact, I think that makes me human.
I see people lose to their own madness.
I see people who are so blind and absolutely unaware of their own beauty and their worth. I see this happen to the point where they forfeit their dreams because, to them, they are unworthy. Therefore, anything they dream of, hope for, or want is abandoned because of a disbelief that their dreams are not possible and their dreams cannot come true.
One could say that people do not believe they are deserving or worthwhile.
If it’s not a case or worthiness, there is an otherwise disbelief that good things can happen.
There is a propensity to believe that life is this otherwise series of drab moments where in-between the flaws and mishaps and somewhere between the disappointments or the letdowns are the tiny sprinkles of goodness.
But that’s it.
I think about this.
I think about the focus on the rainy days instead of the enjoyment of the days when the sun is out or the sky is clear.
I think about the fleetingness of good fortune and, then again, I think about the commonness or the belief that says whatever can go wrong, will go wrong, and that this is more the norm than success or achievement, happiness or good fortune.
I think about the people who live with their own disorders and despite the supposed openness and the social movements, or despite the different foundations that look to help; still, more than half of the people who live with a daily discomfort will never reach out for help.
Most people do not reach out. This is true because, to them, shame is too big.
Stigma is very real.
Also, many people believe that they are beyond help or that they are otherwise unreachable.
It is true –
It is and was true for me that in my worst moments, I could never conceive a life that would be any different from the life I lived.
I could never believe in a day without the personal or internal voice and the scripts of depressive thinking.
My thinking was habitual and, since this was true, even if my math was inaccurate and despite my inaccurate version of self; there would never be a way for me to excel or to exceed and essentially, it would otherwise seem like an impossibility that I could ever recover. I never believed that I could redeem myself or redirect my thinking so that I can achieve a new way of living.
It is true . . .
I understand this sort of life from an internal and personal perspective.
However, in fairness, I only understand this from a personal and subjective viewpoint.
Hence, I write this to you and in an effort to expose my so-called weakness or vulnerability,
I would rather advocate and speak openly than hide and allow myself to sink beneath the heavy weights of depressive thinking or suicidal ideations.
I say this because before I am anything else, I am human, which means I am a person. I have thoughts and ideas, feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, fantasies and more.
I think about the 7 billion people out there in this world.
I think about the soul’s right to be unique yet as unique as we are, I do believe in a relatable thread which can bind us all together.
I am not so different from anyone else.
Yet, I say this because there is no one else in the world who is like me.
I am the only “me” in this world.
You are the only “you.”
And me –
Well, I think this is a great thing.
I think this is a great thing to say because the fact that we are here and that for some reason, fate has decided to connect us for whatever the intention may be – I am grateful to know that in the sea of billions, you and I are able to come here to connect for a while.
I say that just to know this is truly more lifesaving than any antidepressant on the market today.
But then again, maybe this is just me.
Maybe this is just the way I see things.
Maybe this is all subjective.
And for me –
That’s fine.
The Written Addiction 