There is one thing that I know in my heart, which is very simple. It is equally crazy yet this is all part of life.
The one thing I know is that at one point or another, we have to go crazy. I mean it. We have to go absolutely nuts.
We have to lose our minds at least a little bit or at least once. We have to do this every once in a while too, just to let off some steam, or to bring down the house, to go as absolutely wild, or at minimum, we have to allow ourselves the absolute dignity of being so out-of-hand and let ourselves go.
Whether we dance or sing or we howl or celebrate, I don’t care what we do or how this looks.
The truth is, life is short.
Times will be hard and by any means, there has to be a time and a place where we can be free enough to laugh out loud or scream at the top of our lungs.
I am sure of this.
I am sure of the relief that comes after we go so completely wild. I am sure enough to call this refreshing.
We have to do this as “moral imperative” and when we do, we have to cast aside all troubles and problems without any worry or care; as in with complete abandon.
I am sure of the wellness that comes after the great exhale. I am sure of the relief that comes with climactic events that allow us to feel so free – and by any means or through any vehicle, I do believe that a time comes when we must laugh and cry or dance or even so quietly, we have to lay back and look at the stars or check out the world around us.
I believe this with all of my heart. And more, I believe that when we stop doing this or we deny ourselves the right to howl, a piece of us will start to decay and we will slowly withdraw from our best personal selfand degrade into a sad sense of misery. Therefore, I believe that this is a must for one and all.
I believe in the revival of our spirit.
I believe in the need to be young. If youth is too far from our reach, at least we can allow ourselves the time to review our memories of times that were so great and so meaningful.
I can say that there are lessons to be learned and yes, it is true to say that there are times when we have to learn how to have fun.
I humble myself to say this because I need to learn how to enjoy and let go.
I think to do this is far more brave than people will ever consider.
I think the smile and your gestures of love are your bravest features because they imply vulnerability.
Not everyone is so blessed or lucky that they know how to enjoy themselves. I know there are people who do not know how to be so unguarded that they can just “be who they are” without the threats of insecurity or social anxiety. To you, I write this at will because I am humble and modest.
I am like the little drummer boy who had nothing other than a drum to play before the New King, also known as The Son of Man.
He came to play for the New King when, meanwhile, everyone else had fancy gifts – however, all the little drummer boy had was his little drum.
You remember the song. Don’t you?
He had no gifts but he played his drum – humble as ever.
Well –
This is my drum. I have nothing else.
I have no special gifts. I have no great wealth to share. I have nothing with sparkles or any gold or shiny things.
I have this. I have my heart. I have my faults and flaws.
I have my history and my jacket, or otherwise known as a rap sheet; and more, I have my tales and my stories and my mistakes which I have made and you have seen.
I have my dreams. I have my needs and my wants.
I have my desires and yes, I have my own challenges and setbacks.
But more, I have the need. Oh yes, I have the need
I want and the desire to go crazy and to be wild. I want to let off steam.
I want to dance and that’s another thing.
I wish we danced more. I wish we went crazy more. I wish we played more and I wish this went on for life or longer. Yes, I wish that I was better.
I wish I had more than my drum to play – and sure, I have a life. I have a world around me. I have my own influence and I have achieved and accomplished things.
Sure I have . . .
I have more than my shortsighted insecurities can see or that my depressive thoughts will tell me.
Then again, I can say this is true for all of us. We all have certain blindness to our best attributes.
I do and so do you.
I have more than that so-called drum that I was telling you about.
But now more than ever – I need a night like a dream I’ve had about Little Havana.
I need a night like the one I dream of where the sun goes down over South Beach and the moonlight over Miami is nothing short of what dreams can call our fairy tales.
I want this. I want the storybook moments which we can only hope to see at least once in a lifetime.
Perhaps you are my once in a lifetime.
Or maybe I am yours.
I want to go crazy. I want to dance. I want to sweat. And I want to sing.
I want to let myself go as wild as can be, crazy like a madman, or at least crazy enough to howl at the moon and be so absolutely and wonderfully out of my mind that when the day comes and I look back, I can say that yes – I did the things that only storybooks talk about.
I want to be more than that little drummer boy yet, I don’t want to be more than him.
Not at all.
I want to be who I am because perhaps this is better. Perhaps it is better that I am humble and that I have less – and perhaps less is more. Maybe more is less and the fact that I am here, being honest, and openly expressing my faults and flaws and the debts over my credits; I have this gift to bring, which is me.
(If you’ll accept me – as I am.)
I am not so well versed or traveled.
I am humble. I often have that “Street kid” mentality and I have a street kid’s accent. Of course, I have often allowed this to limit my distance as if to say “this is all I am,” because in my older estimations, this was all I could ever be.
I am not the best with so many things. I have room for improvement.
But I also have this –
I have my heart. I have my dreams and my desire.
I have my thoughts and my journals which I write each day and I build with them, like bricks to a house and one by one, I have a castle in mind, which no one else has ever been inside. No one else has ever seen this place and no one else has ever been invited to be here – except for you.
It is a weird thing to say that I need to learn how to have fun.
Then again, it’s a humble thing to ask the teacher, “Will you teach show me how?”
If not, will you please hold my hand?
So, here’s “the thing.”
I don’t have a drum. Even if I didn’t, I don’t know how to play the drums.
But this –
This is my drum.
My words are the beat and my heart is that tempo which defines the rhythm and so – I have nothing else
And no different from the Little Drummer Boy,
I am a poor boy too
I have no gifts to bring that’s fit for a King (or you as my Queen)
But I have this –
I have me.
I have my torn clothes and my tattered and crazy life.
I have my words which may not be polished or perfect in an otherwise literary world.
I might not be cool and I might not be popular.
But what I have is all I’ll ever have, which is fine –
The Little Drummer Boy played before The Son of Man and Mary nodded.
I am not so talented as that boy –
But with all I have, I will give you all that I have.
If only for that chance
To learn
To be wild
To be free
To sing and more than anything –
I just want to dance with you.
Okay?
The Written Addiction 