I was thinking about those little things again. Believe it or not, this is where happiness lives – in the little things.
These are the things that let you know when people are paying attention. You know because it’s the details people notice when they care for you. That’s me right now, selfish because of a feeling I have yet I’m smiling because it is me who thinks that perhaps giving a gift to someone you love is more mutual than we pay attention to.
To be clear, it’s not the big gifts or the expensive things that touch the heart. No, trust me – a small gift can lead to the biggest and most beautiful emotional responses ever.
I love that.
I go back to the words of Felix Baumgartner who jumped from space back in 2012.
As he stepped out of the capsule or space pod (or whatever it was called), Baumgartner looked down at the earth below before his free jump. He said, “I wish you could see what I could see.”
Then he said, “Sometimes, you have to get up really high to see how small you are.”
Then Baumgartner said, “I’m coming home now,” and he leapt from space down to earth at speeds of up to 729 mph and he eventually came into the atmosphere to deploy his parachute.
I think about those words.
Sometimes, you have to get up really high to see how small you are.”
I agree with Mr. Baumgartner.
However, I would like to add to this statement. In fact, I have to because sometimes you have to lose everything to see how truly wealthy you are.
Sometimes, you have to experience the absence of love to recognize how beautiful and valuable love truly is.
Sometimes, you have to step away.
You have to understand the value of life and the value of the smallest things like a tiny figure to be sent as a gift.
Say, the gift is a little drum for example.
I say little because it’s not the size of a tiny little drum, which is only about 3 inches or so, nor is the fact that the drum is significant from a materialistic point of view. Instead, the drum is only a symbol.
That means this is more.
This means that even the tiniest items can act as miniature representations of such big or enormous things.
And I admit it –
It is easy to lose sight of this. It’s easy to give a gift.
Giving a gift is simple. But where’s the heart? Where’s the depth?
Where’s the point which says I am giving this to you because you mean so much to me?
Where is the meaningfulness of a gift if it’s only a gift?
I see people buy things for others just to say hey look – I bought you this.
But to me, that’s not a gift.
Not at all.
I believe a gift is something that signifies more than what money could buy.
I think a gift is something that says more than I love you. No, there is so much more to this.
I want you to know something. I want to give you this because the world is a better place because of you, and because of you and your presence here, life is better on earth – just because you are here and because of your smile, or your laughter, or the touch of your hand or the wealth of your heart; not a karat in the world can define a diamond as valuable nor can any piece of gold shine bright enough to outdo the glimmer you bring to this world.
That is what a gift is supposed to say.
It’s easy to buy something, But to really give a gift and to really honor someone, it’s not the big things.
It’s the little ones.
Regardless of how small or otherwise seemingly meaningless these gifts may seem to an unknowing person, a gift like this means everything to the people who know.
Again, it’s almost as though I am selfish. It’s almost as though it’s me who is receiving a gift but then again, life and love and gifts are mutual.
This is all equally reciprocal – especially when a gift comes from the heart, which is where this is from.
This is from my heart.
Then again, I am sure that you already knew that.
This is why I write.
This is why I come here, each morning.
This is what I hope to offer you.
I told you about the Little Drummer Boy and his gift.
I am humble, just like the boy was.
Perhaps I might not have seen myself this way if I never had to scale my life down or reverse to a more humble and modest life.
Maybe I might not have know how truly valuable a person is until I was removed from them.
Or maybe not that I am out of my atmosphere; me looking back to see what I have is the same as it was when Mr. Baumgartner looked down from outer space.
He had to get up really high to see how small we really are.
But me, I had to let go of everything to see how valuable life is.
I had to let go of everything to see how much I had, how much I lost and to gain anything back or if I want to achieve the ultimate goal of happiness, I have to find this in smaller things, like a little gift or like some kind of statement which says that yes, I am watching and yes, I pay attention and yes, more than anything, my love is real and yes, I mean every word of this.
Absolutely, every word.
I believe that silence allows us the opportunity to understand the absence of a whisper.
A whisper allows us the ability to enjoy the sound of someone’s voice.
And it’s strange. And it’s sad.
It’s a lesson and yes, this is a journey.
We are all here and to each is their own search.
To each is their own dream and to all is our own destiny.
The “where and when” questions are not always answered or revealed to us the way we expected.
The truth is, questions like this might have already been answered – only we didn’t listen or we never looked.
Or maybe we never noticed that everything we ever asked for, everything we ever dreamed of having and everything we could possibly want (and more) has always been right in front of us.
I am here to disclose my truth which is that I am a real person. Also, I have lived a life with both peaks and valleys. I have missed the big picture more than once. But life is here and something is telling me, “better wake up, kid. You don’t want to miss the chance of a lifetime . . . again!”
I experienced thrills and disappointments the same as anyone else has.
But –
I know what love is.
I know the benefit of sound and hence, I understand both the absence and the presence of someone’s voice.
I understand the absence and the presence of someone’s spirit and hence, I know what it means to overlook valuable things, only to wake up one day and realize that yes – it’s true, loss is the great identifier.
I don’t ever want to lose anything ever again – not without a fight.
So, now, I have to do things differently.
We all do.
Change is part of life. Hellos and goodbyes are equally part of life.
So, whether time is short or not or whether fate and destiny has determined that we are here together for a reason; and whether we understand this reason yet (or not), it is important to take note of something.
Life is so valuable.
Time is ticking and there is no replay.
So, then let me play now.
I understand how small I was.
I understand that our complaints of what we have to someone who has nothing are selfish and idiotic.
I don’t want to be an idiot anymore.
We can’t waste another minute because nothing is more irretrievable than time – and trust me, once a minute is lost, then it’s gone and vaporized.
Time disappears like a flash that only leaves behind a momentary shadow, until eventually – even the shadow is gone.
I stand here before you, convicted of all the above.
And more, I stand here before you, accountable by nature and humble in my search for a path towards a new life.
I am in search for a new life where I can flourish, where there is no more pass or fail or win or lose, or where life is lived.
I do not want to be in constant competition or lost to a senseless comparison.
At last, now that I have woken up to a new truth, I can see clearly.
I can understand the benefits of a brighter horizon and I understand where I was and why.
I know why I have fallen because of the same cracks or bumps in the road.
That’s why I’ve chosen to find a new way – to keep from the same trips and falls.
Lastly, it is no sin to call oneself a sinner nor is it a sin to recognize the mistakes we’ve made or the improvements which we need to create a better future.
That’s what I want to do.
I want to move ahead.
I want to see places.
I want to find that unknown, remote place that no one knows about.
Do you know what I’m trying to say?
I want to find that little spot that is only famous to certain people “who know,” and it’s here where a person can come in, order a good meal, or find a great bowl of soup.
I want to continue the search to find the greatest bowl of soup ever made.
I want to go to places and see new things and experience the sunset or the sunrise.
I want to look up at the horizon as it changes color and while I’m at it, I want to recognize how meaningful this moment is and how irreplaceable our time can be.
I don’t want to miss another moment.
I don’t want to have to go back to silence to understand the value of someone’s voice.
I don’t want to ever be alone to understand what it means to love someone or to miss them.
No . . .
I want the hand in mine to be the hand that I hold forever.
I want the smiles that I earn or the ones that I help to create be like seeds to the fields of our life and so that when something grows from this, then I will know that I have done something to repay the love and the kindness that was shown to me.
I can’t say that I would ever jump from a plane or do a freefall like Mr. Baumgartner did. But I can say that I do appreciate his perspective.
Sometimes, you have to see things in a certain way to let us know how valuable they are – and without them, a piece of us can become almost valueless, if we allow this to happen.
I can see you now – in my mind.
I can see you, like that very first poem of mine:
If I listen, I can hear you in my thoughts
And if I look, I can see you in my dreams
and on the movie screens
behind the walls of my eyelids –
But my only hope is that soon . . .
I will hold you in my arms
. . . forever.
The Written Addiction 